No matter how much sleep im always tired, i constantly feel very very sad, its visable on my face, i dont see the point of going to work, i hate waking, i hate sleeping it seems like thats all i ever do, food has very little appeal anymore, i feel invisble, i dont want to end my life but I dont want to feel like this anymore, i derserve to be happy i never did anything to anyone to have my life turn out like this, ending my life is a relaxing thought but then im overcome by the feeling of jealousy and envy, of […]
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It’s been a little over two years now since she left, I know I should be happy that she isn’t in pain anymore but when I think of her and everything we had I can’t help but cry.
Its been two years since my whole world was ruined by the girl who I had known for so many years, my best friend, my rock. I could have helped her, I could have answered her phone call but I just didn’t, I didn’t pick up the phone when I should have.
I’m so sorry I didn’t pick up, im so sorry I wasn’t able to help, oh why, […]
I don’t feel like myself anymore. Any way I say it sounds stupid, but why am I expected to love myself when I cant even recall who i am?
There is so much I hate about myself and I cant see through it anymore. Ive been trying for years to be better. So many years. I cant do this anymore, I just cant. Im wearing thin.
When I look at myself, I don’t see me, I see someone else. She’s so familiar now. I know her more than I know myself.
She despises who i am, she’s hateful and deceiving, she’s scared and hurt. She’s the worst part of me. She’s almost all of me now.
Lets just […]
hello there.. you havent posted in a while, im worried about you
Hi been a while Im still horrible and want to die but cant
Fond out my sister in law had to get rid of her pregnancy I have be a mess since I found out i was there on the phone when she was given the good news now im sick over it . I cant talk to my brother beacuse I know I will cry on the phone with himand I dont want to put Him threw that .
I hust hate my life Im traped And i wanna die really just drop dead .
Im gonna see captain America tonight that about it .
I been thinking […]
Hey everyone, new and old SP members. I know its hard for you guys right now. But do me a favor and keep fighting. Im fighting too.
I’ve recently been into reading much more than I usually am. There’s this author, Paulo Coelho who seems to understand everything its crazy and be able to express exactly what i think and feel in his work. I don’t know what your situations are, but I really want you guys to consider no read these books. Im not saying they will change your life immediately. but they will definitely have you thinking, and acknowledging and growing.
I know a lot […]
So this is just a stupid rant so read or not. ..
Im sitting on a crowded bus with class dust and tiny fragments of glass from work stuck to my sweaty skin cos the air con is not working on this bus. Some guy has tried to jam himself onto my seat when its fucking abvious im having trouble folding my 6’4″ body into a seat made for a person who is 5′. I keep sweating and thatmmakes me more Iitchy.
I feel like everyone is staring at me. Anxiety thru the roof. 2 girls behind will not shut the fuck up!!
“Like […]
I’ve been lying to everyone about how good im doing in school and that ill be graduating in two weeks and have all these great plans for the future and that me and my bf are happy and i have jobs lined up and everything they expect to here.
But im not doing well in school at all. Im failing four classes so i wont be graduating. Im not going back to school and i have no jobs lined up, havent even looked into it. Ill be moving in a month but i have no house situation prepared. And i dont think me and […]
Sorry for double posting. I want to have a heart attack. Im such a fucking failure. I’m so fucking alone and meaningless. I have no escape from this shit i want to die. I’m considering whether or not i can try attempt again. Unfortunately I won’t have any good attempts. Im thinking about slicing my thighs to ribbons just to express this pain.
https://youtu.be/n-cD4oLk_D0
I’m not doing anything being alive im tired of being alone. I actually went on a 2nd date today. Im supposed to have another one this coming week. That said i feel very little connection with her. Im grateful as i haven’t had a date before last week in years and very few in my entire life. I guess give it time but i just feel its always a matter of time until i get rejected again. Ive become unover someone i haven’t talked to in a year and will never see again anyway. I don’t want to live anymore in perpetual loneliness. There have […]
From what was essentially a pretty good week, not including a slight double up of meds, things have really taken a downhill slide today. Woke up thinking about feeling very dark and very quickly progressed into fantasizing about the big leap. Had to catch a train to get dosed at my clinic and was picturing myself kissing the train. Now im home and its still there. Worse than ever. I know it has alot to do with been alone today but I dont want to be near anyone. That would just remind me of my difference to everyone around me. So im […]
the universe works in mysterious ways every time i have a bad day or im in a dark place I get signs that show me that everything is going to be alright
like when I tryed my 3rd attempt I found money on the way to the hospital
today A baby was smiling at me on the train on my way to college after I gave a man some change I had and then I passed my final test wile walking up the road the sun felt like it was shining right on me there is something much more powerful in the universe what ever u want […]
Hiya, hope everyone is doing ok today? And if not well, lets hope ur just doing…
I just finished work and after much soul searching have decided there is NOthing I can do about how others perceive me. I spent the last 18 or so hours wondering if my comments here on SP were good enough, closely followed by some things I said to work colleagues, and then the finalie was wondering why my fcuk face alcoholic father hasnt responded to calls or texts from me, after we not spoken for like 4 years. It’s retarded that I hate him yet for the […]
I feel silly asking this :’) but im still getting used to SP and in my notifications on here it says I have 2 pending comments? Neither of which I wrote or were written to me, can somebody explain how I get rid of the notifications please? I thought I recieved a personal message at first but I think its this pending comment thing?
My depression use to consume me, lately I just get days where ill hide away hopeless and miserable, other days ill feel ok and get on with life depending on how im distracting myself. Sometimes I question if im depressed or mentally ill, I do things people dont ordinarily do and hear voices. Im trying to be more positive for my boyfriend as he’s put up with so much for no reason other than he loves me, I want to change and be what he deserves, but its so hard trying to be happy and stay positive when things are happening to you that you […]
This is only my second post on here, my first post I wrote exactly how I feel and while doing this just desperately wishing I’d be blessed with a child and start a family with my boyfriend. But after one persons comment, I realised im not the only person whos feeling the way I am, upset about the things im upset about and feel helpless. Ive spoken to friends an they all have their own problems too, but what kept me down about myself is im the only person I knew of with my sort of issues and feelings. I hated it, but knowing someone […]
Following from earlier post. Just spoke to my mum, she laid total guilt trip on me for not visiting her. Now im in a total manic questioning everything about my rat ass life spiral. !! Stuck between anger and tears. Hating myself and hating her!! The irony is that im 39 fucking years old!!! Why do I feel like im 5 years old again and stuck in between divorcing parents! !! Wow, sorry, I dont mean to project on anyone younger than me. Its just my messed up family. And the worst part is im outta valium and ice cream!!! Could do with some […]
ive been working my ass off day and night, 7 days a week non stop. It has lead me to a place of isolation from my friends and family. So i get up today and go to this school thing for a project and I came home at 5pm- and at this time i hvent ate anything and was feeling sick from exhaustion . so im in the kitchen and theres nothing to eat. i ask my dad for 5 bucks to got get a sandwich or something and this is where i get confused.
-He tells me, why the fuck would i give you […]
Had to ditch visiting my mum today cos I cant leave the house. Shes going thru a rough time but I still cant help her. Now im sitting hear hating myself, racked with guilt. The spiral begins. Been repeating this pattern for sooo long!!
whats on my mind…..well suicide. It has been for as long as I can remember, in one form or another. The last month it has gotten stronger tho. I watched “the bridge”, and now cant stop watching the footage of people jumping off the bridge. The thought of the release of pain when at last u get to fly must be beautiful. I think thats why people choose that method. Anyway I opened up and told my wife about what ive been watching and my thoughts on it and she was shocked and worried. I do suffer mental illness and we both have […]