Im in angry state right now with all little things in my life that has happend. In first place I angry for me for not solving my social anxiety. In second place im a feel myself as failutre for not accomplishing much in life an in failing in many times in different areas of life. I angry at people because i think they take advantage of me or are not reliable. I SEE A LOT OF POSTS HERE WITH THESE COMPLAINTS. But at the same time i feel its all my fault for not going for it.Being a lazy ass and not trying. […]
Tag:
im
This is my first post. I hope its not my last.
Hmm..well..its hard . Waking up every single day. Going to school. Coming back home. And going to bed again. Going to sleep , at night.. is scary. Because you know ,then you’ll have to wake up tomorrow. I just feel like im done. Not that i dont have anymore strength left .but that i have no will left.
Really got no reason to go through each day. I hate going to school. Sitting there, among the same people. And feeling disconnected. Meh. There’s just a friend, whose presence keeps me […]
So I’ve been taking a shower like, once every 3days. Same with brushing my teeth. Been sleeping either a lot or not at all. I didn’t even realize the shower and brushing my teeth thing until my mom pointed it out. I guess im just not noticing time passing. Never thought I’d get this bad though
Ive been crying almost everyday, begging god to make everything go back to normal. Every once in a while my ex texts me, then i get my hopes up and i think “thank you god, he’s giving me another chance”. Then he just suddenly stops replying, and i realize that […]
Sometimes I think I’ve legitimately gone mental. My mind constantly feels like it’s spinning like that gravity ride thing at the fair (some of you know what I’m talking about lol) but it gets to this point where I lose sense of my own being, and I feel so weird and abnormal, and sometimes like a different creature or a different kind of being. I can’t explain it, but my mind is a roller coaster and I think that one of these days I’m going to completely snap on myself.
Why can’t I be left alone why I cant be just left alone . I am once again being tortured by every one my mother my father my in laws im tired… Im telling my self not to cry … Every wants to control my life …..my husband dosent want to go home because of my parents …I just cant be left alone cant tell them I wanna go to utah becuse there gonna flip why why why . cant cry stop it . I dont know what to doo so lost ….cant even get a chance to fix my life …..Im not a big […]
I was going to write a long, motivational post but i just dont have it in me right now, its mid week and im already sick of it. If only there was a way to live without conforming to societies demands that leave you broken and soulless, since when doe living a life require us to trade our souls for enough money to live. I thought there was more to life but we spend the majority of it working, doing things that dont matter for bits of paper that we give away straight away so we can have a place to live, lights to see […]
Of waiting. I tried hanging myself countless times to no avail last year. I may try again next week. We move and ill have my own room again. I’ll have the space to do it. My mom is talking about moving and the things we have to do. Im to old to care how it will affect her or any family. Before my breakdown last year we had barely talked for 5 years. I dont care a anymore. There wasnt a me before this pain. This is who i am. I am depressed and suicidal. I am also tired and old. Ive had countless attempts, […]
So, I am being kicked out of my house at a bad point in time and honestly i do not see a very good future for me, and i guess ive given up, im about to be homeless and id rather kill myself than be homeless. Ive spent the past 2 hours looking up painless ways to doe, there arent really any which kinda sucks, i dont have a gun i might just get super high and cut my wrist up to my forearm. i hope i wont feel it too much, i wish i could just end it right now intantly, i would be […]
So yesterday my husband told me that his mother is gonna pay for a vacation…greaaaaaat*sarcasm* something eles my mother inlaw will throw in my face. Do I care no I dont I’ll get vk,you’ll think you will have something to hold over me . when the young couple who lives with us said ….I wanna gi when dose her life began .
My mother in law has there nerve to say” let me set your’s facts straight ,your life starts when you have your own house your own income and children. ”
And she not paying for thr trip wich is a lie to make me feel […]
Well it all started when i was about 7 my mom went to jail for lust and i started getting into pot at 12 but aroung that time i got caught shoplifting which put me through hell then a bne (breaking an entering) then it keeps getting worse. I have a scare on my back from when i was abused at the age of 5 but that bothers me no more last year i got knocked out from a choke hold by my dad then a couple days after that i got caught smoking pot on school grounds then i moved in with my sisters […]
Alright, so this is going to be me pouring my heart out more then anything, but i’m kind of on the brink here.
First things first, my name is Jeroen. I’m a 20 year old guy from The netherlands. I love mechanical engineering, custom computers and i like to play video games. I have a pretty tight family. i’m the youngest of 3 brothers(one of which is my twin bro). my parents divorced and we all live at my dad’s place except my twin bro, who moved out to live with his girlfriend. My dad has a new girlfriend too, which also happens to be my […]
That moment when you realize you dont have the time you think you do.
written by deadmanliving(hopefullyhopeful)
Edit:
I like this video it makes me feel less sub conscious about my looks. The girl makes me a bunch of good points now onto the post
I said in a previous post that i would kill myself in 18 (now 17 1/2 months) then i realized its more like 11 1/2. You see if im in the home strech at the same point I’m at I’m going to do it. Don’t get me wrong im moving forward still working out i have an interview tomorrow in the new city im moving to (about an hour and a half away this makes the 3rd major […]
House filled with people, Husband a big family…..but I’m fucking alone.
Physically, mentally, emotionally.
l alone no one to talk all ways surrounded by self centered with greater feeling then god kind of people . thats who I live now and I can’t get away from it no one cares. Im tired and really what to go home. just go home. Please some take me home please .
Should I stay or should I go? If you love someone but you are causing them harm mentally should you stay? Even if you two love each other? This decision is killing me. Everyone that im around I effect in a negative way. My emotions are to strong. When im depressed and dont eat others around me do everything in their power to cheer me up and when that fails they go from understanding to being annoyed at me. It makes me feel like shit. Even right now, sitting among a friend watching Bobs Burgers for the first time Im trying not to freak out. […]
Its a very rare time when i am utterly full of happiness, but today is one of those days. Thank God.
This year I can only pick out about a handful of happy days and I’m so glad today is one of them. Im going to see my best friends today and have fun.
I dont really have a specific reason for making this post, I guess for myself. Left as a reminder that not all my days are bad, and i will have more of them.
A message from Happy Kat to Sad Kat.
I love you Sad Kat, Love,
Happy Kat
I didnt want to post but im starting to feel like absolute shit. I hate the way the mind works. Do you know why you/we have emotional triggers? Evolutionary psychology. Your (subconscious) mind doesn’t want you to cause yourself danger. As a result it reminds you of a (perceived) danger when you see something that signifies it. In the past you could see an area of your surroundings that meant there were dangerous animals or that you had a previous encounter with one in the area youd scare yourself to know not to continue. Now a days if you see a reminder of your past […]
Just when I was on cusp of sleep when my mother in law walked in to tell us our family friend son eloped and is on the way it’s 1:20am ….. These people are from Chicago on there way to tahoe ..
Im tired and hungry and now some stange girl he eloped with is with them I hate new people especially 18 year old girls . who this girl married 17 boyvwho I take as brother now she gonna be here for awhile .just what I needed fml..Im tiered… Lets talk!!
I just want permanent sleep. I hate being in this existence its such an overwhelming walk of meaninglessness. I do try i do go forward i do quit i even try to get back up at times. Im just at my wits end. It feels like death is the only option. I dont comprehend existence. Im tired of only existing in such incredible loneliness. I want to die. Life never happens for the ugly and meaninglessness. Just more depair and reminders of failure. No comments. I dont want another rah rah go be better comment no matter how well it means to be.
I usually only post here when im feeling down or having one of my harder days. But today I just wanted to check in with some positive thoughts.
Today my life is still not perfect but it is better. I pulled through the dark thoughts I was having and even feel grateful for the family I have and the life we have together. Things are not perfect but that is ok. I doubt things will ever be perfect. There will always be things to be upset about but today I am focusing on the good things.
Thank you all for putting up with my dark side lol. […]
My bf got out of hospital se had 2 good days i hope he stays better i been looking for job and stressed out cuz no one call me bk n i have to pay creditors bk im stress of this i hope all you are having a good thursday get a nice icecream u love today u deserve a treat i got my self recess cookie icecream