I have done everything i wanted to do.
I got a decent job.
Some materialistic desires.
The guy.
Money.
And repect?
Its not enough. I dont feel anything. In fact i feel worse.
Instead of climbing out of the hole im just making it deeper.
Tag:
im
When im drunk my conversations with people are way better and they all seem to love me. When im drunk music sounds better.. somehow I am a better poker player when im drunk.. I wish this was my natural state.. fuck..
Some days your fine and the next your so broken… I seriously don’t know what to do I have a lot of anger inside me I hold everything in cause I really don’t have anyone to talk to. I’ve been looking at the site for about a year now and I finally joined yesterday and to be honest im so glad I joined. I would talk to my best friend but I feel like she’s tired of hearing me or sometimes I just like to be alone I just shut people off idk why… Today I wokr up thinking positive but now that the day is passing […]
Well today i got diagnosed with ptsd on top of my depression and anxiety.
This week has been really hard. I honestly just want to give up. My parents kicked me out today because im to “crazy” for them to handle. Which i guess i really am. Now i don’t know what to do there is no shelter any where around me and its winter. I just want this week to be over.
I’m incredibly tired. I have to work in an hour. I’m permanently lonely. I try to improve things but im too much of an old useless failure. Im in physical pain mental and emotional pain and i don’t want to live anymore. I wish I had a method. I’ve tried so many times but life I failed. Just like ive tried to improve my life but i failed. I wish death’s sweet embrace would show up. Im just fucking tired.
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Im really fat, i dont feel good the way i am, i wan to be skinny, i wanna have thigh gaps, so i started to vomit after every meal and my parents caught me, and now they dont let me go to bathroom by myself and they are checking on me all the time, they’re making me eat lots of food and im getting fatter that what i already am, im going crazy i really dotn know what to do about this situation, im going crazy, i feel frustratded. I need some HELP ME PLEASE IF YOU KNOW WHAT CAN I DO ABOUT THIS?
Oknso i am so afaid for tomorrow it’s not normal. My father is probaly gonna come and drag me out of my husbands grandparents house. And. One out of two things are gonna happen .
1. My marriage will break
2. Or i lose all contact with my family
So i dont know how im gonna make threw the night.
And on top of that my brother is getting a divorice and its all my fault.
Why is it my fault because when I first came to fl my parents did not want me here and threaten to drag me put of my inlaws house were i […]
http://thoughtcatalog.com/brad-pike/2013/11/do-ugly-people-have-any-value-at-all-2/
I don’t know why I dwell on my perpetual dateless more than my other issues. Maybe it’s because I get reminders of it everywhere. I don’t think im ugly just an unattractive. Its the same distinction between impoverished and broke. I’ve been working out but yesterday i tweaked my back in the gym. When i went to see Deadpool I saw reminders of someone i love(d) that I will never see again. I realize that my first love is my last love because I’m too shy/scared/unattractive to find someone.
I try not to but how can that occur. Im old i missed out on life and i want to die. I try to give myself hope sometimes i even succed. But death would be better. Depression is cureless in people who have had it their entire lives. People who have had useless pain filled lives. I cant look forwards or backwards in my life without seeing pain. I cant look at my current life wit out seeing pain. Without being told by life that loneliness and depression is all i deserve and that im not good enough for more than pity maybe. Some days […]
Things was good me n him then he relaspsed pycosis im scard it will take him away from me i had to get u help but everytime u call u say hurtful n things like u r not with me but before u relapsed we was good i am scared idk what i can do with out u i wait for u to.come bk home or will.u ever as ur mind right now thinks diff i hope u hold on to us i have nothin with out u but i will be patient things right now feel as if my world is falling hello all […]
I feel like dying right now. That doesn’t have to do with the post but its true. If there was an instant death pill I could take i would. Since that isnt available im wondering about a natural anxiety remedy. Has anyone tried ashwaghanda? If so how has it gone/worked. I worry all the damn time and the increased cortisol and anxiety eating is slowing my weight loss. How does it compare to medication?(which i have hated personally) i checked examine.com and amazon reviews and they have positive things to say about it. Im going to at least try it. Still if anyone has anything […]
so i didnt pay the internet bill and its way overdue to go off…thing is i downloaded a 1tb worth of movies/series/games/music to keep myself sane..then the un-thinkable happened my fckin hdd went on fire i lost my phone other week also and i fuckin hate tv so ive been sat in the house with no food reading books from the library even put the noose around my neck a few times could not go through with it oh and i trapped my left hand tip of index finger in door and its hangin off ive stuck it back on and its black should go […]
Every now and again i have a decent day or Shyness is nice but shyness can stop you from doing all the things in life you’d like to.
written by deadmanliving(hopefullyhopeful)
So I have severe social anxiety and have only had one ltr which was an ldr. Im trying to lose weight and do more stuff in order to possibly meet someone special. So at work in order to destigmatize talking to women i decided to say hi how are you or some variation to every girl i could at work. I work at a huge warehouse and we all have to move really fast. So i couldn’t keep any long convos going.(good im terrible at small talk) I didn’t have a panic attack the whole time and im proud of myself. Im going to continue […]
Iv really had enough now I hate waking up everyday I’m not living life im just surviving each day and that’s a battle life isn’t for everyone and I’m one of them people life will carry on if im here or not so what’s the point the world is a horrible place let alone feeling lonely depressed anxious need to build up the courage to try again
went out swing dancing tonight, one of the most positive and life affirming activities there is and i still want to kill myself.
i mean nothing to nobody and its just like, im a robot, existing, emotionless but on the precipice of tears, like there is something in me that’s like, get shit done before going to bed, and the bigger part saying, just kill yourself, kill yourself dead. it’s gotten so, so much louder in the past few days.
i feel like veronica sawyer in heathers just like been to hell and back, every fucking hour.
i wish i had someone to practice swing dancing with and sing some […]
Should be working out instead im going to get chicken wings. I wanted to try zumba today but food. I havent pigged out like i have this week in years.
I’ve been writing like a kind of journal about how i feel and how its this pain killing me inside, and how hard is to hate yourself and have to deal with it just because you were born that way, and how difficult is to struggle waking up every morning when yesterday night you fell asleep crying and overthinking about how stupid and ugly and how much you wanna die, but there you are living again even when you haven’t ask for it, people judge because the way i feel, i didn’t ask for pain, who would actually think that i asked to hate myself […]
lately ive been crying and i hate myself so much, ive done horrible things to myself im seriously thinking about suicide with some pils. im fat af and ugly and all the bad things that someone could ever imagine. IM starting to vomit after every meal, im losing my mind lately, and no one notice.
God if i had a method I’d join the recently departed. Im just tired of fighting for nothing. The light at the end of the tunnel is broken. I know someone here recently gpt hit by a train and survived. I believe within the next 10 to 15 years suicide will be the number one cause of death. The world is to much mentally. Humans were literally less stressed when we were being chased by bears. Think about that. When life was more primitive. I cant find the TED talk that backs that up. They compared our cortisol levels to that of tribesmen who live […]