Writing music helps me process my depression.
Doesn’t make it go away but it helps me process it and translate it into something else.
Latest project finished.
I call it “Impossible Panic”.
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/Impossible-Panic.mp3
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Here’s a screencap of page seven, just for the fun of it.
There are fifteen pages total.
Also a screencap of the impossible piano part that happens twice.
Yes, those are 32nd notes mixed with 16th notes.
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This site makes posting anything impossible.
1. Got nothing left, no family, no children, no grandchildren, because AI am an embarrassment, Got no job, because I’m popular and no one will hire me, got no money either,
I’m cooked and have been since my son was violently murdered 10yeats ago. They crushed my baby’sbskull and torn his ear ooh, I had to bury him with red hair from it being stained by blood. I’ll never get the image or feeling of kissing his void lips or seeing want they did to him, never.
Don’t be sbgry, I have deadly disease, and you’ve been wait g for it […]
I’ll have no choice but to kill myself. I know how much harder it is to do and how much more painful it will be, being as obese as I am. But I have no choice. $1200 to the IRS this year with a potential $6000 for next year, only making half of what I made last year, $800 rent to not be homeless, then they demand $500/mo now for my student loans when I don’t even fucking have money to eat any god damn thing at all now. Life isn’t fucking worth it. I can’t be homeless or survive prison being unable to walk […]
Despite still having this energy and whatnot, the voices and figures have made it impossible to do anything with it for the past few days – meaning I have been increasingly irritable and angry.
I haven’t gotten any work done because I can’t concentrate on anything, so the energy gets burnt off with arguments and fights with my stepdad (verbal and physical – my cheekbone is slightly bruised again, which was accidental, but I’ve covered it so no one knows anyway).
I saw my therapist on Friday and she’s happy with me – I didn’t tell her much, and my mum was going on about how ‘well […]
I am a 47 year old guy facing prison for a crime with no victims, but a crime none the less. Other than the one thing I did, I have led a peaceful life and am caring and kind.
This will not only effect me, it will also devastate my family, friends and church. In addition, I am Type 1 diabetic, so a five year term is a death sentence.
I simply cannot handle this. It is impossible, and there’s only one way out.
hello.. this is my very first post. I have been lurking since the day that twix started posting. She touched me quite deeply, and made me wish that I could leave, as well. I don’t really want to die, but I have completely forgotten how to live. I also have no energy to live. Since I started lurking I have read almost all the posts, they help me on a daily bases. Each one of you is perfectly unique. I especially enjoy the posts and comments of cordless. You are so careful with your words, and show amazing grace and humility. It will take me […]
I should be asleep. I have to be up in 5 hours. The loneliness is eating at me again. I so badly want someone to understand what’s really going through my head. I want to be wanted for who I really am, rather than who I pretend to be. But it’s impossible. Necessary, but impossible. Can’t let go of it. Can’t fulfill it.
Wish I had something to knock me out every night. During the day I can fill my head with crap to drown out the loneliness.
Instead, I’m stuck in this cycle of feeling exhausted during the day, and then anxious/lonely at night.
I have quitsmoking and drinking so i can b baptised. But everything is so fucked. I have zero hope. Zero desire. I dont even know if God exists. If he does y doesnt he intervene? Answer prayer? My son is probably schitzophrenic. I have tried to help him. Its impossible to get good metal health help. Only bad people succeed. Doing good gets me know where. I have 7 kids. My oldest is a witch to me and abuses me verbally and emotionally because her childhood was shit. If i olan something its fails. If i try i dont succeed. I just wish i would […]
Its so hard to hold everything in. You want to scream all the time but you cant because you dont want people to hear you. You just put a smile on your face and pretend like everything is ok and you dont notice whats going on. You pray everyday to just disappear, and you wait for so long just have everything blow up in your face.
Your worth something, and if you have to be the only person who cares about yourself then so be it. It might be hard, and you might need help sometimes, but its not impossible. You just have to keep […]
Its the same old, same old really. I’m a pissed off misanthrope lacking more than a shy percentage of a will to live. I hate sounding like a melodramatic prick but honestly I can’t very well voice my mind without at least coming off to a few people that way. I try to stay honest, I try to stay logical and not let my inflated ego obstruct me…
But honestly… I’m just, ya know, tired. I’m sick of fighting only to look forward and see bigger and bigger battles. Its demoralizing. I’m 17, graduated highschool early, on to tech school to hopefully get a job with […]
This will be my 3rd post since discovering this website yesterday… I feel so alone and hopeless In life and I do want to face the pain anymore. After losing the only love of my life to someone else is Undescribable. I have been researching different methods on how to end my life peacefully. Yesterday I research the helium hood for around 12 hours. I have now opted for the ******** method… How long it will take for me to execute I have no idea until I summon the courage to do it I guess.. This is the only option I have as obtaining a […]
I found this website an hour ago. I read posts. I am sobbing.
I’m not alone. I’m not alone, I’m not alone, I’m not the only one. And I am so angry because of it.
Why do other people have to suffer? Why do these things happen? I knew I wasn’t the only person- most of my friends are, but the fact that this many people-
this many people have gone as far as I have-
people younger and-
it just kills me, and I mean it literally.
It’s unfair and I am so sorry to anyone who is reading this. Because what you are going through seems impossible.
It is sometimes […]
Everything hurts. The woman I love, who I want to spend my future with, doesn’t want to love me anymore.
The thought makes me feel like I’m dying. I can’t breathe. And I can’t stop thinking about her, about how she doesn’t want to be with me anymore.
She’s my best friend. This feels so impossible. And I don’t know how to stop crying.
So I had someone, who told me over and over they would be here to listen when I’m on the edge, and help me get help that I needed. I needed time, going and getting help during the holidays where I live is next to impossible. Most places are closed until January. I told him that over and over and over. Yet yesterday, he abandoned me. Told me I can’t speak to him until I’m getting help. The help he promised he would be there with me to get. Now I get to do it on my own. Like I told him I was scared […]
It’s Hard
It’s hard, nearly impossible, to describe the way one feels when they are with her. It cannot be grasped from a single emotion or moment in time, but comes from knowing her. How when you talk to her, you can be honest, but you cannot be ignorant. Or the little jokes and common things that always seem to be there. A humor with the occasional sadistic twist. Difficulty to make her smile, even in the best of times. Her insistence on making everyone wear a seatbelt in her car, no matter what the distance may be. Something that isn’t quite being cold, but isn’t […]
What do you call a person who doesn’t care whether there is a god or not ? Like I don’t even ask this question to myself anymore because the answer wouldn’t influence our existence.
Nothing is impossible but we are still too primitive to understand the concept of a god.
can we call it “Idontcareismus” ?
I thought about writing a poem examining the similarities of dancing and typing (writing). However, it’s impossible to wring out a dried sponge. Hahahehehoha… Anyone up for scrambled eggs? I’m sure my brain is just as scrambled and just as tasteless. It sucks living in both the past and the present. A world of reality and fantasy every single day… Every goddamn second! Even as I type, the responses are being predicted or would it be lack of? I’m not sure I even care, maybe I’m just trying to prevent myself from banging my head into the wall over and over… My head hurts and […]
I’m not entirely sure when it happened, probably somewhere in between losing my best friend(whom I loved, and thought was my soulmate) and getting involved with drinking and smoking weed on a regular basis; I lost my soul. I really don’t have any friends and I don’t enjoy spending time with people most of the time. I like my alone time, not because I’m a loner but for the simple reason it seems impossible to make friends who share similar interests and aren’t complete assholes. It just seems like everyone is selfish and act like they are so much better. I didn’t grow up in […]
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