She’s proud of herself but she won’t tell you why
It has now been a month since she’s last even tried.
The voices won’t stop but today she’s won
She put down her razor and put down her gun.
After hours of thinking silently to herself
She goes and picks up her old friend off the shelf.
Overwhelmed with emotions she picks up her blades
and disposed of the evil that would send her to the grave.
So for the first time in awhile her lips crack a smile
It won’t be easy but in the […]
Through the eyes of a child,
Everythings new.
The whole world around them,
All that they do.
All that they see,
All they can feel.
They learn it from us,
And they learn it is real.
They learn how to love,
They learn how to hate.
Growing each day,
They learn even more.
Some live in good homes,
Some get kicked on the floor.
Life teaches us well,
That we’re really alone.
Life teaches us hell.
To be as cold as a stone.
Do unto others,
As they would do unto you.
What a lie that is,
Coz they’ll still screw you.
In the end […]
Now, I know what you’re thinking. “Wait, Lucy, you’re not actually going to try to end it again, are you?!” Well, the answer, my dear friends… is no. I’m not going to try to kill myself again. Not for a little while, anyway. I mean, I doubt I’m going to live to see 2015, but that’s still a ways off, so I’m still here.
Basically, I just wanted to make this post just to tell everyone one last time how I’m doing. I know it’s been a while since I made an update, so a lot’s happened, but… here goes.
Shortly after I made my post “My […]
I am 37 and have 2 kids who could easily live without me, a dead end job that barely pays enough to keep the utilities on and gas in the car, no friends, no life outside of work. I spend most of my time staring, reading, or playing whatever game my mouse happens to click on the computer. I am chronically I’ll with an undiagnosed ailment which is most likely going to kill me even if I don’t . I don’t drink or use drugs or terrorize my kids. Growing up and in highschool and the years shortly following, being with someone was at the […]
I dont really know where to start with this… some peoples stories start off with them being abused or something but i can’t really pinpoint as to how i ever felt like this. I was bullied when i was 10 and up until secondary school for various things but i thought i had coped with all that. When i was 13 i first self harmed, and I’ve told my story so many times and it still sounds stupid every single time. I remember the very first time I hurt myself and my oh my it felt so good. I won’t go into details as to […]
As I read the stories about all the horrible things some of you have experienced, it makes me think about why those things have happened. It is NOT because you are ugly. It is NOT because you arent worth it. It is NOT because you aren’t kind, or smart, etc. There are people out there who are just bad people. They see your sadness as a vulnerability and take advantage of that to poison you with hatred. Do not let them win, do not let them turn your sadness into bitterness. Love always stands strongest in the end. This will be the last time that […]
I don’t think I want this, but what am I saying? I never did.
This isn’t the life I ever wanted to live. I used to have so many hopes and dreams… And now? There’s… Nothing. Just broken remains of the buildings of my hopes and dreams, shattered by those who thought lesser of me, as if their cruel words could never hurt me. But not just them. The family never helped me, if anything, they made it worse. This isn’t where I should be starting though. The suicidal feelings, the depression, everything like that, developed at around the age of 7. […]
Two days ago, I was in the worst spot of my life. I tried to kill myself. Today, I’m in a hospital and being called a hero, strong, and inspiring. I don’t deserve it and I don’t know why. But I guess it feels nice to be loved for once.
Well, I saw a psychiatrist today. It was pretty much useless. I went in for an hour and a half, and in the end he diagnosed me with depression. Thanks, totally didn’t know that already. Glad it’s costing a couple hundred dollars to see someone who’s telling me shit I already know.
The depression’s starting to come […]
… And the fact that you’re still alive after 9 years of depression and 8 years of suicidal thoughts proves to me that you’re strong. Strong enough to keep going, and strong enough to kick depression’s ass.
Depression makes people wage wars against themselves between the happy and the sad, and sometimes the sad wins, but not always. Often times, people can overcome the sadness and the depression. Sometimes it’s a short war, but most of the time it’s not.
Not your’s. Your’s has lasted nearly a decade, and it may last a whole ‘nother, but in the end, I know you’ll win, and I know it’ll […]
My family doesn’t know that I’m gay. In fact, they think I’m straight. Sometimes it seems like they try to push sexuality on me. It’s weird. They say that I should get a girlfriend, get married, have kids, and all that shit. I tell my parents that I don’t want to get married or have children and they don’t believe me. They think that just one day, I’ll meet the right girl.
To be honest I’ve never been kissed, held hands with, or hugged someone romantically. In fact, I try to avoid touching people. Relationships seem so foreign to me. I see a lot of people […]
I’ll stop trying to get close to anyone. I’ll stop trying to fit in. I’ll stop trying to find someone to stay by my side.
I can’t forget you. I keep hearing you whispering in my ears. Whenever I close my eyes, I still see you. I can’t accept anyone because I still remember you. What is the point of me trying to find someone else to stay with me, when I myself keep rejecting them? Why would I hope to find someone, if I know in the end I will leave them because they are not you? Why the hell would I pretend […]
Problems from both inside and outside are drowning me in an ocean of sorrow…I thought I managed to overcome the drug addiction,but this morning I just couldn’t keep my feelings inside without a little ”outside help”,so I started it again…Taking lots of prescription medication with alcohol in order to achieve that disgusting high feeling and then finally black out,only to wake up in my own puke hours later…
If only I could keep my promise to her that I will keep away from doing this ever again…but if I think about it better,she betrayed me…She just used me to get over her own problems,and then dumped […]
You spend your whole life trying to please people, but in the end the person you need to be pleasing is yourself. With me its different I try to make people happy and I try to please everyone and I know I cant please everyone but I try. My whole life I have felt like I am not worth it I have been told by people that I was just a mistake and that I am not worth it and that I should just go die. Well guess what they got into my head all the time I stayed strong for my family and I […]
You’re birth exsist through my pain, fear, and loneliness. You’re always putting me down and telling me to end every bit of life I try to grasp on. You always echo the problems in my life ” you’re dad fucking hates you if you died tonight he’d kick you in the whole he digs himself” or ” she turned you down because you’re an ugly piece of shit you arnt good at anything all you are is a fuck up to society somebody kill him now. I try giving in to him but I get scared 2/3 of me want to die but something […]
I was sexually abused as a child. I was physically, verbally and emotionally abused through childhood and my early teens. I’m super screwed up. I can’t control my emotions and I get depressed. Suicide seems very glamorous to me. I’ve thought about it ever since I was 7 or 8 years old. Life terrifies me unless I’m drinking or doing drugs. I’m a cutter. I’ve never attempted suicide because I always chicken out in the end, but I’m getting closer to the brink.
Seeking the land, Ouroboros clan.
Planet going down, planet going down.
I am that I am, the one that I seek, am I the only.
Do you understand, in the hands of faith, Salvation.
All that I can say, is to repeat myself.
Vowed to celestial, a beast of hell.
My asphyxiating spirit, it hurts so much.
Forsaken, they call them the ‘Morlocks’.
From underground, one day, they escaped to the island of Genosha. A promised haven for the outcasts of the world, but it was a trap. There, they were captured and held prisoners as enslaved fugitives unable to reach back out to the world. It […]
To all of the ass holes, the miscreants and the filth out there sounding the earth I’m done, I don’t need to be hear anymore. You along with many other things have pushed me to the edge then when I’m grasping on to the cliff for dear life you stomp on my hands, I hqve things to tell you before I am gone, I’m sick and tiers of your comments and your judgements, all If your discrimination and lies, I AM GAY, I AM A NERD, And you know what YOUR AN ASSHOLE. if you think you can judge people because they like someone of […]
1. a guy sentenced to spent eternity pushing a rock up a mountain. only to have it roll back down to bottom
2. that guy had no meaning
3. Humans who don’t believe in god, heaven, hell all they have is struggle because in the end they are condemned to lose.
hence
Humans who believe in god are cowards and foolish.
Humans who don’t believe in god are deadly dumb to live because human life is like Sisyphus.
We can be lonely without being alone
Because we yearn for a comfort that
Can gives us the satisfaction that we need
We can be lonely without being alone
Because even though we are surrounded
By love and comfort; in the end it is not what we want
We can be lonely without being alone
Because friends will try to love us
But we only want a certain kind of love
We can be lonely without being alone
Because some love that people give us
Is not the love we want to receive
We can be lonely without being alone
Because sometimes we need one person
But that person […]
It’s been a long time since I posted on here, but I feel like today is a good time to do so. This post might skip and go back in an non-linear fashion, but that’s just me. A few weeks ago, I quit my job when they were giving me a warning for screwing up. The day I quit, I kind of gave up on life once again. Â When I went to my therapist, who is in my top ten people I adore and respect, I lied to him. I stated that I was okay and that I was going to go forward. I had […]
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