There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
depression is like trying to find your way in the dark your lost pumping into things and falling over all the time but hopefully one day we find the light switch
thanks for the support today guys it’s appreciated * hugs * *fist bump *
tomorrow another day for the battle to be continued
This hurts my heart more than anything in the world. He graduated from high school, he’s 20 yrs old he knows this society is bullshit and he doesn’t want to work his life away to get nowhere. The part that really scared me was when he was talking about taking other people out with him.
He is upset with my cousin because he uses my grandmother. She has always been an enabler. She let’s him sell her script of Narco to get money but he doesn’t even need it! He takes pictures of himself holding up tons of cash and fronting like he’s working and all […]
Since it is two in the morning here, I realize this is probably the worst possible time to be here expecting any sort of answer.
I’ve noticed there’s an “evening group” which is usually here from about 7:00 to midnight or so, and then there’s (as Douglas Adams might put it), a “long, dark tea-time of the soul” for a handful of hours until the “morning group” arrives around 5:00 or so.
Because of internet connectivity issues, I missed the usual evening time-shift and didn’t get here til about midnight or so.
This means my insomniac self mostly has an inactive page for most of the night.
Originally I […]
I’m not too bright. Maybe because I’m blonde. A complete understatement. For me, anyways. I’m clumsy. Not really that good looking either. To me, anyways. Most of all, bad luck seems to follow me everywhere. Definition of ‘accident prone.’ Some times it feels like the big guy in the sky has it out for me. But seeing as I’m still alive, he must not want me that much. Maybe he just likes to watch me suffer.
So far, I had to go to the mental hospital three times. All together I have 16 scars, and that’s only on my right arm. A […]
I started a new smaller school back in October and basically its for kids with emotional and social problems. It is now the end of February and I haven’t made a single friend which I guess is kinda sad but I’m just really bad with social interactions. I basically sit at the corner seat and dont talk to anyone all day. There is this girl who loves anime (I also love anime) and I would say I have a really good chance with her but its so hard for me to talk to her because I hardly ever see her and shes not in any […]
Two times in my life I have almost ended everything. After the first time I never got the help I really needed, and just went on assuming things would get better on their own. Two years later I found myself in the same spot, and this time I was serious. I went to do it, and a phone call from a friend turned into me telling them what I was about to do. They immediately came and got me, and I lived to see another day. I’ll spare you the details of my attempts, but my point is not where I was, but where I […]
I am now in college. It has been 3 years since I’ve lost my dad. Its been a hard three years. I am trying so hard to make it in this adult world. I never knew I would be this stressed out. I have been finding so many grey hairs. I am only eighteen. This is crazy. Sometimes I want to give up. There are so many days when I can’t find a way out of my bed to get to class. Last semester I did horrible. I lost my $9,000.00 scholarship. It broke my heart. I don’t know where I’m going to school next […]
I should never have been born. No one deserves to have to put up with me. I ruin everything and I’m so, so sorry. I can’t wait to be able to die; I’ll ruin more things but at least then I won’t have to be aware of it anymore.
The worst feeling in the world is to hear the person you love most trying not to cry and knowing it’s your fault. I wish dearly I’d never been born and I think soon I’ll fix that error.
Last night I had two films I edited screen to a sold out audience of thousands and receive huge accolades. At the after party there was no shortage of people congratulating me and showering me with praise for my work. It was very fulfilling.
And yet, that night when I went to bed and the first thing I thought of in the morning was “I want to die.”
I can’t live like this anymore. It’s exhausting beyond belief and there really is no joy to be had. I swear, I only really got through the after party because of all the drinks I had. In fact, this […]
My tear soaked pillow mourns the absence of drought
The piles of tissues in the corner regret their existence
My heart begs to beat again and feel the warm embrace
The confusion sets in with unbearable force
If only I were perfect would you like me? Would you come back?
Would you realize that your words sting like sandpaper?
Or when I cry it feels like acid
If only you understood what really happened
If you could only listen
Hear my frail cries
If I were different
Would you notice?
Or would it matter to you if I wasn’t there at all.
I […]
Do you ever have one of those nights where all of the thoughts that you try to keep in the back of your head come out all at once and all you want to do is cry? Well, that’s literally me as I’m typing this. But I wanna know, what are some things that distract you? Or even make you happy? This is starting to become a weekly habit and it needs to stop now.
I think this photo will be the wrong way around when it posts, but oh well.
I finally went to see Deadpool yesterday, so of course I had to draw him. I don’t really like the way this turned out, but I decided to post it anyway since no one else will look at it. So, despite not leaving my room until 3 or 4 in the afternoon, I still had a productive day.
I’m really bored and I have a bunch of work I should be doing but don’t wanna do. I was drawing something but gave up in the middle of and stared watching Bleach and I REALLY WANT TO FINISH IT but i have so many episodes left to watch. I need to keep myself busy. What do you like to do to pass this time of boredom?
I’m not sure I’ll ever get over my self-esteem issues, which is to be expected, I suppose. But in the midst of being undecided about whether to continue hanging on, and trying, or just peacing out (am err’ing on the side of ‘choose life’), I also don’t think it’s fair to subject anyone else to it.
I’m just so amazingly insecure sometimes. Some days, I feel okay, as if I can cope and function. And then I lapse again.
I can’t even watch porn or enjoy fapping, without thinking about the guy I like having sex with somebody else. It’s not that I see other people as […]
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/tmp_31933-rendition-requiem1220324555.mp3
This piece was composed by Cordless.
I just did some production editing.
No offense meant Cordless. I absolutely loved it. That’s why I wanted to work with it. If it upsets you at all, just say so I’ll take it down and bury it in the depths of hell forever.
http://thoughtcatalog.com/brad-pike/2013/11/do-ugly-people-have-any-value-at-all-2/
I don’t know why I dwell on my perpetual dateless more than my other issues. Maybe it’s because I get reminders of it everywhere. I don’t think im ugly just an unattractive. Its the same distinction between impoverished and broke. I’ve been working out but yesterday i tweaked my back in the gym. When i went to see Deadpool I saw reminders of someone i love(d) that I will never see again. I realize that my first love is my last love because I’m too shy/scared/unattractive to find someone.
This is my last chance. My last post. My last idea to change hope for the future. My life has had many happy and not so happy moments, and that’s what is getting to me. I may still be young, but no one not even myself knows everything I’ve been through. You may find no interest reading something like this, but those who do, I suggest you read everything.
My name is Mike. I am 17 years old, and have lived through a lot in this so far short life. I have two medical conditions: Moebius and klinefelters. If you say me in real […]
I hate to feel sick of working already when it’s my first year. But I feel useless and like I can’t ever be up to the level everyone else is on, and I’ll always be such a no good underperformer. I used to think I was smart but it’s not book smarts you need. It’s being normal, knowing how everyone else thinks, and creating systems that follow the normal thinking patterns that I’m clueless on. I’m sick of not having any energy, being so short of breath, coughing & gagging like a smoker when I’ve never smoked, being tired all the time and overall physically […]
At work now. I’m vacillating between being self-destructive and driving myself closer to the edge, or just hanging on and playing everything by ear, day by day. I sort of just don’t care. Some days I do, other days I don’t. But I really cannot ever see myself being ‘happy’ or moderately content with myself in any capacity. I have such low self esteem lol.
I know that I’m probably not ready to neck myself just yet, simply because I still care about certain things and certain people.
I’m either going to, erm, save up my money and potentially go travelling (which would be me hanging on) […]