Have u ever looked around and seen people laughing, smiling, talking…. An ever thought why? Now, it’s an everyday occurrence for me. Why are they laughing. What could possibly be so funny that they laugh without a care in the world. Why motivates them to maintain that tiring position of a gin on your face. For me, I wear a mask. I don’t even know why I do. I smirk when I’m suppose to, don’t talk out of place, and listen quietly. Now I’m in my bathroom, tearing up, questioning my will to live and move on. Why are we even here. Why do we have to […]
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Today I just watched and wondered why I had to wake up. Why get up? Good god, just another one of these days. I realized the normalcy in my life just kind of went away.
I just feel like hell, trying my best in all my work but I just can’t seem to get the grip or get that motivation back. Everything still just seems to kind of died out. things just seem so gray, I can’t find the color in my life like when I was a kid. I realized one of the sources of my problems though. Its that I’ve associated normal behavior and […]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ve_gsggCSmk
You will never see the light of day again
You will burn in the depths of Hell
Let them suffer, let them rot
They don’t deserve better
Break their necks
And let them crawl around workable
Cut out their tongues so they will never speak again
No one will hear their screams, no one will hear their plea
Fear me, I said fear me
With no hope, no fucking hope
Haha
Cry! Cry for help.
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I’m a loving husband and father. After taking an a antidepressant and subsequently stopping it a matter of weeks later I developed a rare physical condition for which prognosis is dubious and treatment is extremely painful. It has interfered with EVERY aspect of my life and is debilitating both physically and mentally.
I was negligently put on a benzodiazepine which I’m trying to taper off and is proving difficult, it’s destroyed my health. I have fought this for over a year via physical therapy and various different forms of medication. I look and feel awful, I have had to move in with my parents and can […]
Imagine you didn’t have your iphone no more and all electronic equipment stopped operating after some cataclysmic disaster ( Maybe spillage from a colossal nuclear tank arsenal , will leave you to imagine the worst case scenario).
This means no internet, mechanised farming is no more and therefore we have to forage for food in the wild. The money system has crashed and you cannot borrow a dollar from a neighbour because they are in the same condition as you.
There’s chaos in the streets, killing and pillaging. Fighting over food specks and there’s scarcity of clean water and the air is of course unbearably rancid. Imagine that […]
Things were going so well yet in the span of three days it has all gone to shit. Im worthless, a worthless piece of shit. Three fucked up days/nights in a row was all it took for things to come falling down. I don’t want to be here anymore.
I just want to say thank you to a man who has been an incredibly positive, supportive person for me in the past week or so. You are the reason I woke up this morning and realized that I can be beautiful and intelligent and sexy and loved and wanted. Do you know, love, how long it has been since I felt like this? Wait, I never have heh. So thank you, sir ;), you know who you are, for your love, compliments, kind words and advice. I think I may forever be in your debt- and I’m ok with that 🙂 I hope you […]
So this is what I said:
Why do you ask?
Every week either gets progressively worse, or, it’s just the same droll, hermetic, life I don’t enjoy. I’ve lost everything but half my job. How could life be anything other than bad? I’m the loser that everyone laughs at. There’s no reprieve from the pain, so, I cover my costs and I shoot my dope (don’t get me started on all the precautions I take, I’m not trying to leave XXX yet). Thankfully, I haven’t been to jail or overdosed this week, which is good – considering my family doesn’t talk to me anymore since I refused […]
Insomnia has 4 syllables, 4 consonants, 4 vowels….it’s 4:00 in the morning, on a sunday…well, it’s a crying shame….not much left to do, but complain, of course…….I better find someone to blame….this insomnia will be the death of me……………it will
okay so where do i even begin? I guess ill just start with my family before i even go into detail about me. My mother has a terrible medical history, and she passes out or blacks out many times and during this sometimes she falls and busts her head, which as you can imagine, this is very stressful and would be for anyone. Imagine being anywhere from 6-13 and seeing this is pretty traumatic. My mother cannot control these, and cannot wake herself from these spells on her own. She has had many stitches. My father is a pathological liar. He was in the army, […]
Have you every heard the term downward spiral? I think I am more than half way down. One of the foreshadowing thoughts I have is knowing that I am not at rock bottom yet. The realization that I have even more misery to come is almost worse then the thought, that I now look fondly on days I thought was the worst day of my life. Days when I thought life couldn’t get worse are now happy memories because at those moments, I was so much better off than I am today. Try all I want there is no going back. I am getting older […]
So I’m the type of person who is super neat and clean and always does work before play. I’m really good about getting my homework etc. done ahead of time, and pretty much love to work really hard with everything I do and tend to be an overachiever. I have had a bad day or two every now or then where I just slack off because I’m not in the mood or my depression is just getting the best of me, but its never held be back like this before. my rooms a mess, I haven’t touched my homework in a week or so and […]
insomnia has 4 syllables, 4 vowels, 4 consonants…it’s 4 in the morning. I take enough sleeping pills to down a bus full of toddlers, I’ve taken 37 tonight….this is beginning to be an average number…not in a desparate attempt to die, but to sleeeeeeppppppp sleep sleep sleep sleeeeep…I cannot sleep. for 3 hours I tried…tv off lights off dark. silence. eyes closed, as if I laid completely still for long enough I could trick myself to sleep…..insomnia is crazy. there have been nights that I’ve just fuckin broke and wept, wept for sleep…a few days in and i’m thinking maybe I am actually asleep but […]
wishful thinking gets us nowhere.
there’s nothing spectacular about tomorrow. Â just another really fucking heavy piece of shit i’m pulling with me everywhere i go. Â everyone has fucking flaps on their eyes, where do they get them, i wish i had them but then i guess i wont be able to see the little moments that make this worth while. is this worth it, i duno. WE’RE IN THE FUCKING MATRIX.
one thing i must admit, not sure if it makes me feel good or subtly not good, the fact that i’m not forced to wear long sleeves. because of these people with the eye flaps. still […]
I read all these fucked up stories on ID. I’m the next fucking one. “Im the devil and I will cut your face off.” “I’m gonna break all your teeth out, stab you in the eyes and leave you wandering the streets. Duct tape you and leave you in the shower for a few days.” You fucking monkey, you retarded slut, you don’t do a fucking thing, fucking worthless whore.
Everyday. Walk on eggshellS. I’ll do anything, anything to make it stop. He didn’t save me, he damned me, to this life. Takes away every option. I had such an amazing opportunity, all the right pills, […]
So, I’ve been planning on my exit for months via charcoal. Did 3 dry runs and thought I had it down. Finally decided to do it Wednesday night and while laying there, I really thought I was on my way. Put the grill in my room around 7pm, measured the co level and it was up to at least 999 (As high as the meter will read) but figured it would continue to climb. At 1am, I wake up, mainly because I had to “poop” and as I got out of bed, I was stumbling and confused. I was disappointed that I failed and wonder […]
I’m flirting with death since a long time now, but I really can’t find the courage to do it. I have made an attempt a few years ago. It made me lay three months in the hospital with major injuries. At least when I was at the hospital I had the feeling that my family cared about me. Now I’m spending every day on my own and I can’t stand it anymore. I lost my left eye when I was a baby and it keeps haunting me. I’m 21 now and the thought that people get like 80-100 years old really creeps me […]
I don’t have anything new to say and I’m not looking for any advice… I feel like I’m posting too much. I just needed to write.
Hope everyone is doing okay today. Feel free to skip over my post and rant about it in the comments if you’re not.
Earlier my mum said she feels like she hardly sees me, because she’s been out a lot. I said it isn’t ideal that I’m spending so much time in the house, but it’s okay, I’m fine… I’m starting to realise how severely it’s affecting me.
It has its upsides. I’ve been in more pain lately, but it often disappears […]
I’m curious if you can help me decide something. Is it better to leave a note at all?
If I go through with it I don’t want to be saved, coddled. I don’t want another ounce of sympathy or “lets talk it over” every hopefull second of effort just makes it worse at this point. I’m not going to be satisfied with anything I could try to say. I know I can’t offer any explanation, and I certainly don’t want specific people to know it it could possibly their fault.
But people need closure don’t they? I want them to have that, when I’m gone I don’t […]