Today I saw my old love and I was happy . We just listened to music and laid together . And I felt content . But the second I left I feel so alone . I’m so unhappy . Any second I’m not around something that can make me happy , I instantly become sad again . I really want to die. I wish I could order a hit man to kill me. I don’t think I’ll ever be happy . This all seems pointless as fuck . I have such bad anxiety now anyways around people that I don’t think I’ll ever make friends […]
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inside
I am going to end it these days. I want you to know that no matter what problem you have in your lives it will always be a brighter way. The thing is that in the world are losers and winners. I am a loser, even if have / will have everything this darkness that is inside of me won’t go away. Btw, you are always in control. No matter what happened to you, you are always in control. Don’t be a fucking depressed guy like me and go and live your life at your fullest. Do whatever makes you happy. I am sure that […]
Have you ever listened to one special song or melody that makes you numb inside, makes you want to cry out of pure pain and scream?
I personally love techno, and it has helped a lot by just listening to some certain songs. I would have gone mad without music. My favourite song is Glaze – Energy Sway.
Do you have a favourite song?
S.P.I.R.I.T.
Spirit, let’s hear it
S.P.I.R.I.T.
Spirit, let’s hear it
Let’s go!
I’ve had enough
There’s a voice in my head
Says I’m better off dead
But if I sing along
A little fucking louder
To a happy song
I’ll be alright
You want to give up
Gave it all that you’ve got
And it still doesn’t cut
But if you sing along
A little fucking louder
To a happy song
You’ll be just fine cause’
Every now and again we get that feeling
And the great big void inside us opens up
And I really wish that you could help
But my head is like a carousel
And I’m […]
My name is Free. My name is Happy.
I wish…
I’m trapped. I’m trapped in this body. I’m trapped in this horrible life I don’t want to live. I’m trapped in this fucked up world.
I want to break free. I want to be free. Live up to my name.
Freedom. Happiness. I’m far from getting either of those things. My names. Even hearing someone calling my names tears me apart inside. I will never feel any of those things. I will never be free. I will never be happy.
I’m sad right now, and I don’t understand why. It wasn’t a particularly great day, but it wasn’t […]
I can’t afford to pause my life, not now. Even though I feel the fight dying inside me and passion becoming a confused hot mess. Everything keeps turning to shit no matter how hard I work or what I do. I feel like I’m continuously this toxic poison that everyone is forced to live with. They all suffer because of me. All the stresses of my life bleed into theirs, and it’s not fair. I’m far from happy, beyond stressed, just plain frustrated. I don’t know who else to talk to, I can’t handle this by myself but do not want to feel like such […]
i want to inspire you, to challenge you to feel like you haven t felt before.i want to know you…as i told you so many time: i wanna know what makes you tick,babe. you are so adorable that i feel the need to be overprotective with you…it s hard to restrain myself, it s hard to restrain myself to not love you because i already told you, you are soooo easy to love.your simplicity and natural way of being overwhelmes me … it makes me think…would it be ok for her to be mine?could i love her the way she deserves to be loved? would […]
I feel incredibly alone. I have no meaningful connections in my life. No one who knows who I really am. Because who I am is not ok. And I don’t know how to change it so that it would be ok. How to change what goes through my mind. And so I have to hide myself. Even from myself most of the time.
I want so desperately not to be this anymore. To be free of it. To be free of myself. But then there would be no me to be free. Is an end to all experience preferrable to this hole inside me? I guess […]
It’s a beautiful December day, nearly two and a half years since you left me. And here I am, missing you again. I wonder what we might be doing this day, if you were still here. Maybe we would be in the driveway, or at the shop doing a charity job. Or maybe we would be inside, tangled up on the couch watching an old western. Or maybe we would be sitting at the kitchen table having a beer while you picked your guitar. I miss your music so much! I still think of you all the time […]
Make me hurt
Scratch and tear at my mind
Come on, I actually want it this time
Where are you when I need you?
Rip my heart apart
Why not
WHY NOT
Why not, you bastard
I’m begging for it
I want it
I need it
Give it to me
How dare you abandon me
When you’ve been my faithful companion for so long
You
The one thing that has always been there
You liar
You said you’d never leave
I believe you
You’ll never leave
You Goddamn monster
You’re fucking sick
Does it please you
To watch me bleed on the ground
I loved you once
I think we all do
Then we hate you
We wish you dead
You’re deep inside of me
The only way you’ll die is if I do
And […]
I just wish to die. But I don’t wanna suffer or go through pain. I just wish for my soul to leave this body. Can it please leave this body. What’s forcing me to be inside this body.
I wish to die on my sleep. When I am sleeping its like the only place where I am able to escape my awake phase.
Its nice!
How about never waking up?And staying there. Forever asleeping.
Why? Why? Do I have to live? I feel force to live in my body.
Exactly whats going on? Why am I put at the center of control by my body to […]
i guess it’ve been a while since i last posted you know ..
i’ve been away in trying to reach the one inside of me , my soul , my inner thoughts and such stuff looking for inside peace … im not saying i’ve reached it though ! jaja ..
all i got to these weeks is that i am really beautiful somehow .. and to always remind myself to love it ..
when i ever don’t know what to do ,, i’d just do nothing .. stick up to good thoughts , enjoy everything that i could .. and i don’t know […]
I’ve been so angry for the past two days and I don’t really know why, I just have this rage inside me that’s extremely hard to control. I’m becoming more violent and my already small amount of patience is dwindling to nothing. All day I’ve felt like punching a wall, or punching someone. My skin feels tingly when I’m angry and I’m not gonna lie, it feels good. I feel like I’m invincible and like no one can touch me. Three nights ago, my girlfriend temporarily disabled her Instagram account and I was really worried and I spiraled down so fast, and ever since that […]
I’m wearing my mood likea weight around my neck.
Everyday it gets harder and harder to lift my head.
I keep trying to do the right thing for everyone involved in my life,
But everyday the pull to stay in bed gets stronger.
I wish there were words to cure my disease,
But instead it just festers inside me, slowly taking me over.
Time between breaths has become far too difficult.
I can hear my number, it’s being called.
Im officially dead inside. Walked to the bridge and wanted to jump. I walked to the train tracks and thought the same thing. Im suicidal again and that makes it harder to fuckn deal with being depressed i cant wait to kill myself. To be free of all this pain. Now i have to cut so i can chill out enough to sleep.. I hope i never wake up
I have been trying for years to look deep inside myself in search of some kind of humanly feelings. All I have find is hollow and empty nothingness. There is a deep hollow void in my heart that cant be filled by anything.
Yes, I smile I laugh, but those are all just fake. I have perfected it over the years. Fake emotions.
There is also some darkness lurking inside of me. I have kept that dark flame in me at bay for quite some time, but now, I feel like Im losing that battle. Im getting darker and darker by the day.
It scares […]
…is there anybody out there, hear me sing my song….
I’ve got enough money. But a broken family, a heart that’s been torn to pieces, and a feeling that nobody in this world could ever love me, though I have got lots and lots of love inside of me….I have so much to give…but still feel like I live in Antarctica or worse. Antarctica is beautiful though. Silence, pureness, beauty. I wish I’d be a penguin, with a partner lasting for a lifetime….call me stupid – it’s just the basics of life that I am longing for. Love. Arms around me. Friendship. Family. I don’t want […]
I was one of those book worm nerds who started college a virgin up untill then and during all my teenage years i had never had any girlfriends, flings, hook ups……. nothing……
Fast forward to my very first semester in college, most of my class was at the library working on research group assignment.
I was standing bent over the table my group grabbed , when a female classmate gently stroke my back, now there was absolutely nothing sexual, intimate flirty about it she was just grabbing my attention to hand me a book i had asked for.
But the moment she touched me i mean it was […]
I really don’t see the point of living anymore, I have a box inside my closet full of unfulfilled suicide letters…I was just to coward to go along with them, I really hate myself for letting my life continue like this it should of stopped a long time ago I give other people advice about how they should continue there life and how they just need to keep there up just a little more, But meanwhile I’m thinking of a way to die. My bestfriend thinks she knows what I’m going through, She doesn’t know the half of it nobody knows but me. I just […]
There is only emptiness today. I am not angry or sad, happy or even bored. At 2:17p.m. I realized I had been staring out the window for almost 4 hours. Where had the time gone? I couldn’t even tell you what I had been watching for so long. Were there people walking by? Was it raining out? My mind felt like it had been excavated. Everything of value, even the darkness I clung to – gone, all gone. Was this what death was? Only relics remain, echoes of a person that is trapped deep within me. There are hints all around me. My hands, they are stained with blue […]