The world seems to hate me nowadays. My mom andd dad were divorced when I was five and and then my world turned upside down when my lazy ass stepmom moved in. I had to learn how to take care of myself and my brother with no help, and now I’m 15 and have had to be in the hospital three times already. It’s not like I want to cut, but no matter how hard I try, I alway end up hidden behind long sleeves as bandages on my wrists. I cut myself a few minutes ago, and I’m really thinking about ending it. It all […]
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it all
Hey everyone. It’s good being back here. Possibly the only place (non-physical of course) I can share how I feel from my point of view with complete honesty and no negative repercussions. I know all of the people who read this post don’t give a flying fuck what a kid in Iowa’s going through, and I don’t blame you. Most of the time I just like to ignore it all and forget who I am, how pathetic my life is, and how useless it all is. Death is inevitable, the only thing that is a constantly changing variable between people is when they die, and […]
It’s ironic, really. I helped people for most of my life, be it in person or on the web, trying to get them to rethink their life choices, telling them it’s all right, and that suicide isn’t the answer. I guess now I know how they felt when the foot is on the other shoe. I truly am weak, pathetic, and stupid, and I have just proved them right.
I will be ending it shortly tomorrow. I have made letters stating my amends with all individuals I have wronged in my life and a goodbye letter to my love. My worldly possessions will be given away […]
When it seems my life becomes straight it blows up in my face. And it’s all my fault. I don’t even know what I want out of this life anymore. It all blows up in your face anyways. I’m all out of hope. And this post makes no sense, but I don’t care.
Being here.. doesn’t seem worth it anymore. I don’t even have that many problems compared to other people but i just don’t see the point in me being here. i’m not interesting, i have nothing special to contribute. i hate people and i hate this world. it’s all going down so i might as well go down with it. i didn’t ask to be born, why is it my fault if i’ve just had enough of this life?
I think about death. I think about it all the time. I wonder what it would be like if death wasn’t just a state of being, but an actual being, and what I would say if I could sit down and talk to it. Why do you come around when you’re not wanted? Why won’t you come round when u are desperately needed? Do you have a 800 number or a help desk. Why the fuck not? Because I am this great,
Unstable
Mass of blood and stone
And no emotion that’s worth having
Has settled in my bones
My heart is an autoclave
my friend acts like she has bigger problems than everyone. I’m not discrediting her depression, but considering the fact that I used to self harm and am on 187.5 mg of antidepressants, I think she needs to step back and consider the fact that other people have problems. it’s all dandy to talk about yourself but it’s a major trigger for me to talk about it, so maybe she should save it for her therapist.
i need people who don’t define themselves by their depression.
whoops I’m totally sorry that I decided to share my opinion. I guess this site is for people who want to try […]
Im thinking of where it should end…
A mountain?
A forest?
A beach?
A lake?
Back where it all began or somewhere totally new?
Rain or sun?
Day or night?
Swift or after one final time of reflection on what was what could have been and what will never be?
Thoughts?
My posting on here has grown more frequent. So I apologize about that.
This post is pointless, I’m alone, lost and scarred. (Not afraid, scarred as in scar, for any grammar nazis out there, and I know your here haha).
So I’m going to sit back here, and sip on some wine and play the piano to the tune of my misery. Moonlight sonata, the only song I can play start to finish, I really should find the time and learn some more songs, hmm I might do that actually. Let me get a buzz first.
Nothing like Chopin to play my sorrows out to my hearts content. […]
You know I always try to move on with my life I swear but the two guys i’ve ever had a relationship with turned out to be wrong for me. The first guy I eventually gave up and let go like I should have way before then. The moment I did that is when he came back into my life. Wanting me back trying to be there and being somewhat of a decent human being for once. I stupidly allowed him back into my life and that lasted for five months until I began to realize it was a mistake for both of us. I […]
Recently I’ve been getting bullied and I have been cutting.
I want to kill myself but, every time I try I just think about my family and friends and how it will reflect on them.
I don’t know what to do because I’m only 12, could anyone please give me some suggestions.
I went and saw a councillor and I have told my mum but, to be honest it hasn’t made any difference.
I also reported the guy to the school but, still no different.
It all started by him going out with me then dumping me for someone else. Then one of his best […]
Dear Unnamed fuckface who threw his tray across the room and tried to play it of as an accident when he realized his favorite housekeeper was there,
you piss me off. Stop asking so many personal questions. Let me do my job and leave. It’s bad enough that I scrub toilets for a living. You really REALLY don’t have to make it any worse. I’m stressed enough without people like you making my job more difficult than necessary.
Sincerely,
Samantha. The very angry cleaning lady.
In other news, my head is pounding and I’m exhausted. I’ve been asking myself the same thing all day.
Do I really […]
I’m not afraid of death anymore. The inevitable panic stage of dying is what scares me the most. I know if I swallow a bunch of pills, have my sweaty, shaky hand on the grip of a pistol pressing against my right temple, or if I decide to hang myself, those moments of waiting to die will be the absolute worst. All I know is that I need an escape, I need out, I need out of my body and my mind, need transcendence.
I’d like to think that reincarnation is real and maybe in another life I’ll be wiser and not make the same mistakes […]
A little something I posted on a social network:
L3T5 T4K3 TH15 T1M3 4ND R3C0NS1D3R 4LL TH3 GR34T FUCK1NG TH1NG5 TH15 FUCK1NG S3SS10N H45 G1V3N U5. W3LL 1 C4NT TH1NK OF ANY ONE MR SKULL, COULD 1T POSS1BL3 B3 TH4T 1T W4S FUCK1NG ST4CK 4G41NST US S1NC3 TH3 FUCK1NG ST4RT? WHY Y35 TH4T M1GHT H4V3 B33N TH3 FUCK1NG C4S3!!!
4LL TH3 FUCK1NG SH1T YOU FUCK1NG DO 15 FUCK1NG US3L355. 3V3N WR1TT1NG TH15 FUCK1NG TH1NG 45 1F 4NY0N3 G4V3 TW0 SH1T5 4B0UT Y0U. YOU MOTH3RFUKC1NG M0R0N!!!
FUCK1NG P13C3 0F 5H1T, TH3 D4MN 534M5 4R3 C0M1NG UND0N3 4G41N. M4YB3 1 5H0ULD L3T TH3M B3 UND0N3, 1…1’LL JU5T K33P H1D1NG B3H1ND […]
What point is there? As I get older, everyone splits off into couples and I sit here like a fucking lonely moron. I don’t want to date anyone, I want to be surrounded by my “friends” who can’t wait to ditch you every chance they get for a significant other (or simply someone better). I’ve been off my mood stabilizers and antidepressants for about 3 weeks now, but I’m thinking of starting up my mood stabilizers again because it is unbearable to deal with this constant fucking oscillating range of emotions. I think I’ll just submerge myself in as many drugs and mind alternating substances […]
Over ten years and counting.. I have never felt this calm before. Like a world has dropped off my shoulders.
Everything is ready. I have my method, I have my location, I have my suicide note. I have my courage and the means to an end. Nothing holds me back or opposes me.
The serenity of it all is overwhelming. Finally this torture ends
Thanks for the stories and reading mine way back when.
Good bye
I don’t know why I have waited so long, and struggled so long to try to reclaim a life and a family that I will never get back. Three adult children who all hate me – none has spoken to me in a while. They say it is because they hate my husband of 22 years, but when I said I wanted to leave him – no one came forward to offer help, or a place to live. I have a monthly disability check, but I am afraid to just walk out. If I do, I loose everything, so I have […]
I want to lie to my therapist/ I already did, it’s just that she would worry. I just wish I’d die so i could not have to do any of this. I feel like nothing is inside. I feel like I can’t even die correctly. I feel like ice is just not new me. I feel like there are no words to this game i’m playing I feel like nothing matters and i hate it all. I feel like love is not enough. I feel like everything is wrong and there is no way to fix it.
I’m not new to this site I’ve been here before on a different account. I left because I thought I got better. But today I just kind of broke down and I don’t know why. My sister is graduating from highschool I’ll be a junior next year. It all hits me pretty hard because I’ve never really had any friends so id always hang out with her. And this year I talked to some of her friends which I’ve even considered to be my friends but I don’t think they feel the same way. Anyway I just want to say I’m a piece of shit […]
What the hell is wrong with me, I can’t even get death right. I’m so fucked right now, I’m still alone and fucking hungry! How and when does it stop?! I don’t know if I’m just too nice or stupid. On top of it all, I’ll be homeless in a few days, I don’t have a place for my dog to go, and I just got robbed by a guy asking for a quarter!!!! A fucking quarter!!! I only had 3 dollars!!!! I want to die because my lonliness is heavy on my heart and my head now. What is there to do now?!! I […]