You’re calloused, but you don’t even know I’m picking at my scabs. I’ll let all the bruises show. I’ll never forget what all these feelings meant. Flying home for a funeral was my last regret. I hear a telephone three thousand miles from home. Do you even really care? Your heart is just stone. I’ll never forget what all these feelings meant. Flying home for a funeral was my last regret.
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I used to be a member here.
I have a very bad habbit. I get attached so easily. I was on this site before. May be a month before or may be a year before or may be 5 years before (which I am not gonna tell). I shared alot. But eventually I have to stop. Because I felt really bad because I got closed to few people on this site. Whenever I post something, everyone replied. They felt bad because of me. So I aslo felt bad because I made them felt bad.
I’m too complicated person. I’m mentally not healthy. My condition is getting […]
I realized last night in the blitz of all the chaos of the party that I will never be happy . My god I am the most depressed person on this planet .
I wanted to kill my self last night . I drove home even though I was a little drunk but I’m a perfect driver . I wanted to drive off the road and crash into something . But I couldn’t do it . And I went home to lay in bed .
I wish I had done it .
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nearly whole of my life has been shit. Last two years it got even worse now im struggling. Ive tried so many time to leave but it never worked this year should be the one happy new year too all
I went thro a lot of stuff the last couple years. I lost all my friends, i live alone, and practically have no family. I cant talk about my problems to anyone except to myself. i think about killing myself about 50% of the day, and all through the night. I wend to the doctor and psychotherapy. It didnt work out for me. I tried antidepressants but it makes me feel even less alive, and id rather be sad then just could. Feeling something is better than nothing for me. So basicly all i managed to do the last 3 years is loose […]
got to wake up at six this morning to feed the baby. as he fell asleep i’ve noticed that today is the last day of 2015 and it got me thinking what i’ve been through this year. i remember the last day of 2014. i sat on top of the roof and had the same exact thoughts. i remember watching the sun set and thinking the next time i’ll see it it will be 2015. in the evening i ordered a whole tray of pizza for myself and watched “the exorcist” as the clock passed midnight.
in january i moved from my parents’ house for the […]
This may be my last post, for a while. Contemplating some things right now, trying to solve my life’s puzzle yet again. I’m missing a piece and it bothers me. Anyways, bye everyone (for now)
-glockamole
So welcoming with everyone with my first post i think i need to describe my problem-in order to pacify myself. Nobody has ideal life, mine wasn’t the worst, the best neither. Quarrels of father antagonised by his family against his wife and children, constant visits to doctors because of my illness, a sort of overprotectiveness of my mother, postponed socialisation with my peers – all this stuff caused that I have always felt alienated from others. This, plus that I have learnt a bit better than others, resulted in episodes of bullying, on which i reacted with aggresion, so tension have grown over time. I […]
I’ve been considering dying for awhile now like 8 months. Since I got let go by a girl that made it seem like it would work. I’m still hung up on it, i was told I did nothing wrong blah blah. But I never stopped believing or even, I never had let go of it. For months of self sabotage and begging and pleading respectfully. I got nothing but a “I don’t care, it was nothing” to her. Although everything to me. I self sabotaged, cried and sought out everything. Really the ppl of sp is all that ever helped. But I lived with it […]
I’m planning on leaving the 31st. The fact is that I don’t think I can even last that long. All I know is that I will not live to see another year without my friends and family that are already gone. This will probably be the last thing I write here. I’m just going to shoot myself in the head and I’ll finally be free from all of the bullshit.
20 years old and desperately trying to find a reason to live. Problems in the family have led to me feeling like shit for the last 3 years and I haven’t been able to shake off the feelings of depression and uselessness that I started having when everything started happening. Countless days have been spent putting myself in isolation in order for me not to try affect other people’s lives, and trying to find the energy to sometimes go out and do things is one of the hardest things to try and do. Things started getting even worse about 3 months ago, and I’ve been […]
So I’m back… It’s been over a year since my last post and at the current moment I’m not really suicidal. I’m just in pain and I’m scared. There’s a girl I used to be good friends with and she was kinda like my therapist and now we don’t talk. Over the past year my emotions have built up and now they’re starting to be released… Violently. And I’m scared. There’s a girl I wanna ask out but if she says yes, what if I accidentally go off on her? I don’t want to hurt her. I really like her. I’m just scared […]
I m 33, I dont have anything left that is necessary for living a life not in a economic sense!! I m on antidepressants, antianxiety medications for last eight years! Hardly any motivation left, almost 16 hrs sleeping.. I know I cannot kill myself.. Kind of a numb zombie!! I don’t have any future left!
The Christmas depression is here. But it is worse this time. Much worse. My daughter at least until last year was still interested in getting a tree put up and putting together some kind of meal on Christmas day. But not this year. We don’t really “celebrate” the holidays much anyway but this year I feel like I have become such a burden for everyone that they just don’t want to deal with things. I don’t ask much of the two of my kids that live with me – I don’t go out really anymore but we share the basic expenses. My son takes care […]
So I haven’t been on in a while because of school testing. But I’m glad that is over now and I think I did horrible on my physics but pretty good in my Psychology and English courses. So a lot of stress had lifted off my shoulders but now that I’m on holiday break I have to be around my family for about two weeks. I do not look forward to… I haven’t really been talking to people much either the past week and I’m okay with that. Makes me less tense I think and I haven’t cried in a few days either so I […]
I think I drive my self crazy. Last night I woke up at 3:11am , I always wake at this time. The numbers are really significant . They say that angels are trying to reach to me to give me peace . Numbers freak me out . And math freaks me out . Newton invented math , BUT HOW THE FUCK IS IT SO PERFECT??? I was up to 7 am this morning researching shit on this . It makes me head hurt . Then I started researching more philosophical views on life . All these geniuses were depressed too . I think they knew […]
My weekend so far has been okay besides last night when I pretty much cried myself to sleep. I honestly couldn’t tell you why I did that. Is that weird or like odd? But the good thing was that no one was home because it wasn’t a very good break down. It lasted for a few hours. I had no internet/TV, or family around so I guess the quietness and loneliness got to me? I’m used to loneliness in my house but quietness I can’t deal with lately. I’ve noticed I’ve been listening to music a lot more just to make my house seem more…alive.
Besides […]
As the days go by, I only feel myself desiring to kill myself more and more. I loathe more, I argue more, I withdraw more. When things go wrong, its the only thought I have. When things go right, I remind myself that it wont last. I hate feeling like no matter what improvements I make, I’m still put down, I’m still living off others, I’m still worthless. When I try, I just find myself exhausted. All that ever brings me relief is to sleep and I think that’s only because its the closest thing I can do to death without actually killing myself. I […]