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Sometimes YOU have to be the “Change” …

by Dawg 7/22/2015

written by Dawg

… and it’s true.

I was just told this by my GF after she ran through the checklist of all my failures and shortcomings. As if I was completely unaware and aloof of how utterly fucked I am and have been for the last few years. Now, I’m sure she means to somehow motivate me or in some other way try to light a fire under my ass to somehow ferret my way to at least a treading water type of existence in some clever way – she’d be ecstatic if I could manage that.

What’s funny (ironic/weird type funny … and in a twisted way funny ha […]

7/22/2015 26 comments

Hello – first post

by Thisisme21 7/22/2015

written by Thisisme21

It can’t hurt to post :). I’ve been suicidal now for a few months, and have come to accept it as where I am now rather than resist it. It has guided my decisions, I am off abroad to do wwoofing with someone that I have been in and out of relationship since I knew him. Truth is that only now that I am at my worst can I see his true beauty and see how much I love him. He loves me completely too but so much that it scares me cos I don’t feel I deserve him. He even loves me now when […]

7/22/2015 2 comments

Pressure

by Barytron 7/21/2015

written by Barytron

I am getting ready. I just want somewhere to say it. I can’t tell my friends excitedly about my plans, so I’ll tell you all.

I filed for residency last week. I will get my ID here soon. Then I can buy a pistol. I already have one chosen. Then I can take a concealed carry class and always feel safe, knowing death is always close if I need it. Though I still intend to wait until january, the weight and surety of a gun both soothes me and revs me up. Six more months. Six more months and I’m allowed to quit.

Just six more months.

So […]

7/21/2015 7 comments

It’s okay.

by tctc 7/21/2015

written by tctc

It’s okay to feel sad.
It’s okay to feel unwanted and lonely.
It’s okay to feel tired.

Afterall, pain is only temporary, right? And so is everything. Nothing lasts forever. Things only last long enough.

<3 y'all

7/21/2015 3 comments

Holding Mom’s hand

by bayareaguy 7/21/2015

written by bayareaguy

Part of my ongoing journey includes long periods of insomnia. Since the last prolonged period, a couple of weeks ago, I am finding a bit more rest, or have been able to find a deeper sleep for a few hours at a time.

Mom died in April 2013. For those who don’t know, following all of my heart related trauma and becoming disabled, I had been her companion/caregiver for the last 2.5 years of her life. The two of us lived alone in the foothills of the Sierra Nevada, halfway between Sacramento and Lake Tahoe, as her dementia worsened.

I miss her so much. I often joke […]

7/21/2015 4 comments

It never lasts long

by disgusting 7/19/2015

written by disgusting

Just seconds after my last post, I see him with some girl. Mr Nobody Likes Me. Yeah right. He’s gorgeous enough to have them lined up and on a wait list until 2045. I can understand that he’d never no chance in hell go for me but what I can’t understand is totally ignoring and writing someone off who would do anything for you. Must be that he convinced himself that my love can’t be real since I’m so ugly it must be that I’m jus desperate or crazy. If somebody wanted time with me I wouldn’t ignore them or write them off. He damn […]

7/19/2015 1 comment

My First Post

by Purotekuta 7/19/2015

written by Purotekuta

I’m New To The Website, How Is Everyone? Anyway I’m Probably Going To Kill Myself Finally, I’m 6th Prestige On Black Ops II but my K/D Ratio Is still only 0.67…so I have depression and can’t handle it…
I’ve been 360 No scoped for the last time,my death will be by gunshot, good day

7/19/2015 1 comment

For the heartbroken, and other love-related things

by dead 7/17/2015

written by dead

1. You never think the last time is the last time. You think there will be more and you think you have forever, but you don’t

2. Fall in love with someone who makes you better yourself

3. Someone you haven’t met yet is wondering what it’d be like to know someone like you

4. If a relationship has to be secret, you shouldn’t be in it

5. Stay away from people who make it seem like you’re hard to love

6. Sometimes, the way you think about a person isn’t the way they actually are

7. Don’t dress for boys, dress to get compliments from girls in public bathrooms

8. You’re […]

7/17/2015 4 comments

My last moments…

by Rotted_Flesh 7/15/2015

written by Rotted_Flesh

just going to sit on the beach by the lake.. be there around 4:30 AM so there isn’t much people there. Going to watch the sun come up one last time, have a drink or two, and my Remington will do the last of work. Goodbye, I’ve finally fucking grown the balls to do this, farewell and to all those struggling I wish you the best.

ps. Sorry for whoever finds my corpse. I know it’s gonna look pretty fucked up. I can’t help it.

7/15/2015 11 comments

The “perks” of being Malcolm

by ThePerksOfBeingMe 7/13/2015

written by ThePerksOfBeingMe

So here I am, an eighteen year old boy on a website designed for sad teenage girls and I’m expected to talk about the “perks” of being me? Okay fine if it will keep her happy and I’ll be able to come out more often then FINE I’ll write! Hm some perks? Well, I had a milkshake last night so that’s cool or whatever. Man I don’t think I can sit here and pretend there are perks to being myself. I can’t even be myself! I’m 18 and a boy and I’m trapped in a woman’s body, let me tell you going to the bathroom […]

7/13/2015 4 comments

Emotions

by struggle street 7/13/2015

written by struggle street

I just got hit with a wave of emotion. I am really hard on myself, it started with spending too much money, then beating myself up, then calling myself a piece of shit. Then in the afternoon today I thought I haven’t spoken to anyone all day. I feel really alone, my life is a mess I don’t see any way out. I need work , I need to get off this small amount of opiates. I need some thing, I need total change but I don’t think its going to happen. I’ve lost every thing to live for and might have to give away […]

7/13/2015 1 comment

A rant/question

by violinplayer22 7/11/2015

written by violinplayer22

So, I watching pretty little liars with my sister right now, I have to be quick. If there are typos im sorry. So, I have been taking sertraline(Zoloft) for the last year, and I just forgot to take it the last week. I haven’t thought about suicide at all, and I looked it up to see if the medication had any effect. I couldn’t get a clear answer, so I’m asking now If Zoloft could have any effect on me. Thanks.

7/11/2015 3 comments

What my family thinks about me

by tyler2017 7/11/2015

written by tyler2017

I am almost to the point of throwing my sister through a window. As I mentioned in my last post her seizure medicine gives her mood swings. Even worse, she watches children’s shows on Nick Jr. and YouTube all the time. Whenever she watches them on TV, she always has a reason to yell and scream. If a commercial comes on that she doesn’t like, she tells everyone she will not scream. She does it anyway. I’ve always thought my sister is autistic and I don’t know for sure, but my mom keeps denying that. If she is not autistic, then what is she? Seriously, […]

7/11/2015 6 comments

Is there any hope for me?

by NotAttentionSeeking 7/11/2015

written by NotAttentionSeeking

I getting closer to 30 years old.
I am currently unemployed.
And apart from a few casual jobs which I could never last in,
I have never worked a day in my life.
I don’t have any friends.
In fact I don’t have any good rapport with anyone.
Which means I have absolutely no references.
I am still on my learners license after 9 years and 3 expiries.
I do nothing all day.
I am lazy and have no motivation.
Is there any hope for me at all?

7/11/2015 4 comments

Struggle street

by struggle street 7/9/2015

written by struggle street

I haven’t been on this site for a few years. I was on it then because I was really suicidal, I worked through it that time and now it’s back with a vengeance. The last two years have been the worst two years. I’ve been waiting for it to get better but it doesn’t seem to be. My story’s about loss I guess. I’m a real survivor, I ve lived through sexual assault, violence, drug addiction. I’ve come out the other side on a couple of ocassions. I had 7 years off drugs and alcohol & 3 years but I’ve had these relapses and they’ve […]

7/9/2015 2 comments

I am still stuck

by Autumn_Flame 7/7/2015

written by Autumn_Flame

I am such trash. I just got out of a treatment center for the 7th time for my anorexia and you know what’s changed? Fuck nothing. In fact, I want to end my life now more than I have in then before I went. I am fine during the day because I have things to distract me but once I am alone, the creeping reality sets back in.

I am never going to get better. I took this treatment more seriously then I ever have in the past, was completely open and honest, and tried harder than ever before. But nothing has changed. I STILL want […]

7/7/2015 1 comment

The Race Between Suicide and A Cure

by PenroseKate 7/7/2015

written by PenroseKate

I’ve been suffering for a long time now. I spend 80% of the time I’m not at work locked away wishing the days would end and that I would never wake up.
I have a good life. Better than most probably. If I was to write a list of pros and cons the pros column would be at least five times longer.
BUT. It doesn’t seem to matter. Every stress and every pressure I feel so extremely. I struggle to shower and get out of bed of my days off, spending at least two days a week in my room. I cry when a stranger […]

7/7/2015 0 comment

My first post, hopefully the last.

by Gursten 7/5/2015

written by Gursten

This post started as my first reply to another post, I am just copying it in. I’m not rich but I’m certainly not poor. I made this account just to reply to you, and im using my username that I have everywhere. I don’t want to be anonymous. My life was just how you describe yours, playing games, watching random tv shows, maybe some youtube, or streams, and chatting with friends online. I have lived 90% of my life online for the past few years. Unlike you I was satisfied with that, I do not want what others seem to want in life. I don’t […]

7/5/2015 8 comments

Setting dates

by disgusting 7/2/2015

written by disgusting

Since my last (serious) post, I made this pic and put it as the wallpaper on my phone. It’s a question to myself only. The point was to see if it felt right or wrong or somewhere outside of that. Having sat with it for a couple of days, I’ve accepted it and thought it felt good. I always wanted to go out close to or on my birthday, but last winter was too fucking cold and I said I want to be comfortable when I do it. With that said, I feel like I’ve lost a best friend. It felt like we were really […]

7/2/2015 1 comment

Laughed out of a therapist’s office…

by WiltedRoses88 6/30/2015

written by WiltedRoses88

… and at the end of my rope. I don’t know where to go or what to do. I have attempted suicide twice and am clearly too inept and too much of a coward to end my life properly. I have been dealing with depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts for fifteen years and have been on a variety of medications and have seen three different therapists to try and fix the problem. Today, I was told my feelings were (verbatim) “bullshit”; followed by a laugh and the shake of a head. The appointment ended with her saying “you make me laugh”. Thanks Paula.

I can barely […]

6/30/2015 4 comments

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