Does anyone just hate the holidays? I spend so much time distracting myself with bs at school but when I’m given this much time off I’m left with nothing to do except think
Tag:
left
When you kissed me farewell,
Your lips left a mark on my cheek.
Strands of feather locks tickled my skin,
And your scent built a nest in my memory.
You took a piece of me with you that night, and it got tangled up in your noose.
You were to me. An inspiration. You never would have thought that, would you? You see you can’t ever tell who your life might touch, even though you may not ever even know it. Even now, years after you left me, you still inspire me…maybe just to write this cause I still can’t get you off my mind.
So, I’m meeting my new counselor today after the old one left. Heh, the current record is 2 out of 3 psychs left now. I wonder if this one will have any luck at getting me to stop lying.
I’m left wondering how genuine these posts are. everyone on the suicideproject is run by their emotions (myself included), and I’m wondering how a depressed man/woman can think clearly enough to type as much as everyone here has, or if everything here is typed simply out of angst, rendering it all meaningless.
Let it go there’s nothing left, underneath the masquerade, death.
by Rotted_Flesh
written by Rotted_Flesh
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8kXx0BilciQ
I tried a thousand times to make you feel it
Like the days when we had first met
But I feel I never moved you
What the fuck how did we forget?And in another life would it be different
Would we do it all again?
And at that would you tell me that you loved me?
All alone why should I pretend?
Gagged and bound
You told me you broke down
And I believed everything
My love for you was logic drowned
Round and round
I came all the way down
To tell you that I’m really here
And I don’t wanna waste my time
Without […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Halloween sucked. Considering none of my friends wanted to hang out with me and I was left at home with no one to talk to. Now this Christmas I will be suffering under the same situation but with more sleepless nights and unforgiving depression than ever before. My family is going to Disney, the most happiest place on earth or so when it’s with those you love and care about you (my definition of it). Another vacation ruined by our “family friends” and my family’s lack of consideration for how I feel. Another anxiety driven plane ride after the other. “You’ll understand it when we […]
Things
I have done terrible things
Things to make you shiver in the dark
Things that make even my own skin crawl
I want them back, to take them away
I hurt others, so badly I cry
It wasn’t me! I scream
It was them! I can’t help it!
Please, you have to believe me
The things that lie in wait
To rip me apart
To make me rend and tear
As they watch
It’s the demons that lurk beneath the skin
The ones only freed by razors
Death is to begin again
Right?
They beg me to stay
I beg them to let me leave
I don’t want to hurt you anymore
I don’t want to make you bleed
No you must stay
You must endure
You […]
Destruction from the inside out.
That’s how it goes.
Living in this fear and doubt
in depths no one knows.
All that’s left is void.
A calling left unheard.
A person to avoid.
A person called absurd.
I thought there might be someone
who could lend a helping hand?
But now I think I’ve realized no one
really ever can.
My soul is too far gone;
but too afraid to leave.
There is no such bond
that I cannot but grieve.
No point in living;
only of that sorrow brings.
No point in dying;
only of that hope still sings.
I would have but one regret;
a seeing things workout.
But I would be long set
in the cold hard ground cast out.
A watching from far and near
of […]
So a guy in my town killed himself recently. He spent his last days donating all of his stuff to goodwill. Cleaned his apartment top to bottom. Vaccumed, cleaned, sold his car. Layed out a tarp on the floor and wrapped himself in it. Left the key outside is apartment and called the cops. Then put a pillow over his head and shot himself. People couldn’t believe it but all I could think is what a great guy he was to think that much of others before he did it. Man I’m fucked up.
So right now in my hometown, there’s this kid who disappeared on Monday. He’s 16 and he left two suicide notes and the whole community is looking for him and it’s all over Facebook. And for some reason everytime I see one of those posts that they’re still pushing everyone to look for him and people think they saw him on the side of the freeway, everytime I see one of those posts, I can’t help but think “just let him be.” If he doesn’t want to be here, don’t make him stay. Just let him be. And I know it’s just people caring for […]
Sorry this is so long, but I’m so confused and heartbroken right now. I need advice/opinions.
This past weekend was a party at a friend’s house. MC (my friend that I love so deeply and can’t get over) was there, but I felt OK. I was OK when people were talking to J (MC’s fiancé) about what wedding dress she going to buy. Just to be safe though, I avoided MC. But after awhile it felt childish to be talking to everyone but him. So I said hello and we joked around a little. He was in a great mood, but he kept putting his face and hands very close […]
I am going to kill myself at the end of the week. I have an unpleasant meeting mid-week and I want to give it a day of buffer on either side. I’m not killing myself because of this stupid meeting, and don’t want it to look that way. I *could* leave a note, but justifying my suicide would do more harm than good, and leaving a listing things that *weren’t* a factor would be confusing.
I’m sick of dragging myself through life. I’m in my late twenties and have been suicidal since my early teens. Why I didn’t do it sooner is beyond me. That would […]
Presuming, as I do, that my hopes for conventional happiness are completely fucked…….what now?
Suppose I’d live an average western lifespan – another 50 years or so. 2065. By then the world should be well on it’s way to collapse. Drought, famine, fire, flood, war, all that fun stuff. Seemingly our little pockets of prosperity will be last to fall. My corner of the world may hold out longest, sinking the boats of refugees fleeing continental chaos, while we continue to extract foreign resources at gunpoint. So this bubble of decadence may well outlive me.
But I doubt it’ll be the same country then. We’re already slashing […]
Right now all I want is to be held, and told that I’m ok. I’m not ok. It doesn’t feel like I ever will be. Maybe at some distant point down the road, I’ll find that I’ve somehow become worthy of love, and worthy of life. But right now I am alone. I see no way through. Why go on, when you don’t really believe the destination exists? Because the hope of it is all you have left.
Shit I should have stayed at work if I’d have had any idea this would be a night of screaming and hollering about Lady Gaga and other anorexic girls and “how good” it looks when you can see every bone in their skeletal bodies! It’s like I truly don’t exist and I’d be my fucking paycheck I’ll be spending my birthday alone because he’s probably getting girls left and right now.
Shit, I’m getting to the point I wish I hadn’t ever met him. It’d be so much easier to go on thinking that Jamie (from Twiztid) was the hottest guy on earth. Shit, he’s famous […]
She gently tightens her scarf around her neck before she steps out of her toasty car. Her depression has been crushing her, crushing everything she is passionate about. Locking her car door behind her, she quickly walks across the street with her eyes pointed towards the sidewalk. She’s almost there; her long, pale fingers grasp the brass doorknob as she opens the door into another world.
Books. Everywhere with their pale pages, they invite her to delve into a world other than the one she lives in. The ink and paper smells comfort her as she begins the search for her […]
Darkness I ask you to set me free
Free me from this place where I don’t want to be
I can’t stand this suffering anymore
Give me the peace that I yearn for
Days, months and years I fought
Yet I still can’t ease my distraught
After each demon I slay
A new one arises the next day
My armor is weakening and starting to decay
Yet I pick my sword and head into the fray
I have become lost and weary of this fight
For the victory I seek is nowhere in […]
I’m 15 years old and I want to die. Today (I guess yesterday now) l told my sister that I didn’t want to live anymore. I also spent most of the day sleeping because I didn’t want to be awake.
Is it bad that all of my friends are moving on and they don’t care about me? I guess my friends and me included are “popular” and I don’t want to be friends with other people? I’ve been feeling left out for a while now. But does that make me a bad person that I choose not to reach out to other people because of […]