The warm spring air calms my mind as my feet hit the sparkling cement of the now wet main street bridge. The hood of my black jacket hides my face as I make my way to the top. Its 2a.m. and the city is dead silent. My phone buzzes continuously in my back pocket, but I ignore it. My mind wonders as I stare down at the black waters beneath me. Who will miss me when I’m gone? Who will think of me? I check my […]
I felt better for a while and then it rushes back. Like a long lost lover with a toxic relationship. A battered person unable to leave the relationship with the abusive partner. I struggle to breath tonight as suicides embrace becomes stronger. I want to let go, give myself over to these strong clutches. I am exhausted living in denial. Seeing through the fog unknown memories. Struggling with childhoods demons.
Your line, cast in the water. You feel the tugs, its like you caught something.
Something you wont let go. Only, at the same time, it pulls you in, under. You
don’t even notice.
Somehow you are both breathing, alive in each others worlds. Both cast, both reeled in.
Both caught.
One day, the line snaps. You find yourself shivering, wet, on the shore. You
try to go back, your lungs fill with water. Gasping for air, choking. You
strive, you push on. Darkness surrounds. Red appears in your peripheral.
You see a glimmer in the murkiness. You reach out. They dart away.
Still you stay.
You don’t need air, not […]
love is a chemical reaction in the brain similar to the chemical in chocolate so i think the reason some people can fall out of love while other cant let go is that some people get addicted to that chemical reaction god damn my addictive personality
I am not a coward. This is me drowning my breath, in a vast ocean of red dead redemption. I’m cut from the monstrosity of a soul, and I have spared none, in violating its ability to resist this temptation. Patience, while I stimulate a selfish behavior for once. This is not a suicide note, I’m not that dramatic. When I decide to stain the sheets with anguish, it will be the most peaceful and quiet release. Like the terrible silence of an antic gun. Like the […]
I have these little tiny circles in my stomach. Or, by stomach, I mean coating my abdomen. Each represents every little failure of my life. These little tiny circles have friends. They breed. Everyday they fuck themselves, they stick to eachother and never let go. Every one is a mistake I made. An extra piece of popcorn. A handful of raspberries. A Girl Scout cookie. Mistake after mistake. Pathetic.
They bubble and grow, filling in my calfs and thighs, padding my hips, grazing the bones beneath my chin. Like acid burning into me, everyday I feel their pain.
My mother hates them. My father hates them. My […]
I feel weird for posting on here, but I have been visiting this site for months now. This Saturday will mark one year since I was raped. I’m 20 years old and I know many would say that I am so young and I have “so much life” ahead of me. I should have so much life ahead of me, but it was taken from me on that night. I live every day in fear. I can’t be out by myself. I’m paranoid. I’m afraid of the dark to the point where I have to sleep with the lights on….I am 20 fucking years old. […]
New to this forum. I just want to share my story as honestly as possible. It will be long so I apologize for that. I hope you read on.
It all started about 6 years ago. At that point in my life I had finally carved out an existence that was neither happy nor unhappy overall. I had a good job with very good prospects, as I was a co-owner. I owned a house, a car and had money in the bank. I had a fairly large group of friends. I was OK with my life, even though I was not truly happy.
Then out of the […]
As I drift through life and year after year passes me by with out any real direction, happiness or acheivements, I feel like im watching a crap film but I cant switch it off no matter how hard that I want to. You can’t slow time but you can make the most of it, like a lot of people I know do, but I cant seem to do the same leaving me with a lifetime ‘what ifs’ or ‘what could of beens’. I hate where my life has been for so many years and I fear the future so I spend my life reminiscing a […]
I thought I was gone from this site, it’s been over a year. I thought things were looking up, but I’m still a failure. I thought I had already lost everything, but I’m about to lose more. I am so overwhelmed and hopeless. I have done everything I can do to build myself up, but it always comes back to this. I’m tired of feeling afraid all the time. I don’t really want to die, but I have exhausted all other options. It’s been so long, decades. There are people I love, far more than I love myself. So I keep on, keeping […]
one day left. Its quite nice being so numb, i no longer think so much and no longer care about how it may affect her and everyone else. without her even being near me i can tell how hurt she is, i wish she would just let go, it would be so much easier…..people always say it’ll get better, well it never did it just got worse and even now people say it but they still don’t realise for some it never gets better, it just gets worse. I wonder whats after…..death, is it worse then this? Or better then this?
the person you knew is dead
let go of who i am now but never forget who i was
why won’t you call
any of you
i’m just tired of being forgotten
i’m not doing this to hurt you
but i want you to hurt
I lye in bed and stare up at the ceiling as the weight of every mistake I’ve ever made comes to rest on my chest. Right now, I can’t breathe. I feel like I’m drowning. I miss people that I should just forget. I forget the people that I should have clung to. My heart breaks as I think about all of the things I’ve let go of simply because I thought I could do better. Now I’m here in the grave that I’ve slowly managed to dig for myself because I traded people off until I had No one. I gave things away until […]
alright. i hope you’re still at the casino
let me know, will you say no
pick-me up with the automobile, and let’s go
triple our vegan power
can you be red and blue, like mario
what do i do
oh, wao-wao
…
message. all over…
nothing-more…
can i just walk…
let-me know.
Back-to…
Anno Domini
I yearned for death as a child and adolescent. I hurt myself relentlessly, but could never muster up the courage to actually end it. I’ve escaped the life that was forced on me, the people who hurt me, the person that I was because of it all, but I still find myself anxious for death. I will be driving and have to fight the impulse to let go of the wheel or to jerk it in the direction of oncoming traffic. I will allow myself to close my eyes when I am tired and attempt to fall asleep while I’m still driving. I will imagine […]
When I said that I felt absolutely nothing, it was a lie. I did feel I just ignored it and refused to face the reality before me. I’ve made and still make poor decisions and I’m lost and confused and don’t know what the right thing to do is. I fell out of love with my ex the only guy I fell completely in love with. The whole process was excruciating but I finally realized I needed to let go. Just because I don’t love him anymore doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt, because it does still hurt. Remembering all the good and all the […]
i’m back i needed to come back and iv said it all before but fuck it no one is going to read this any way
i have no friends (minor problem)
i have a girl friend but the relationship is crashing (i can live with out her but its the trying to save it cos i love her bit that is killing me)
i’m watching people win everyday when i lose i walk in to rooms and its like i’m not there (witch in some cases is a blessing) i miss some one who i should of let go of by now, i spend my days sitting in […]
After years of suffering do you just finally accept the truth? Or at least conclude your perspective of reality & just let go. Ive decided my purpose isnt to succeed in this physical world but to transend it.
It was hard then to get out of that mental state. I don’t want it to come back. It feels like it’ll overwhelm me completely, this time with newer with harder demons, more temptations.
It is after all, just the circle of life aye ?
So, do I risk everything thus far and let go of the grip keeping my head above the waters?
Sigh.
Nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it’ll be this hard, I’m going back to the start.
I can’t find a way to let go of the darkness, can’t find a way to stop hating, can’t find a way to forget. I can’t let go of the memories that have placed a mark upon my soul.
I’ve decided to accept you the way you are. Things you have lost, things you don’t have. I’ve decided to accept you, and continue to live on.
I can’t find someone to love.
God,
will I be able to get married?
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