Had a gun to my head for several hours this morning, safety off, squeezing the trigger, the hammer pulling back, then letting off. Another night hardly any sleep.
Gotta move out of this shit dump in 19 days, no plan where to go next, fully overwhelmed, so much shit to move out, and so laying here in bed typing instead. Just at my breaking point.
Aimless, no plans.
I turned to the girl had over the other night and saw for the first time in the morning light a nasty cold sore planted firmly to the corner of her lip.
Great, may have an outbreak […]
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life is
I have always dreamed of myself dying at a young age and I hope it happens. If someone asked me if I could reverse my birth, I know I would. There is no other possible answer for me. My family always says I’m useless, so why should I be here? I don’t ever get why some people say that life is a gift. Whenever I’m in the car, I always imagine some car or truck crashing into me, killing me. Instantly or not, I just want to die. But the one thing that is holding me back are my friends. My closest friend, we have […]
I know that sometimes life is rough, and you feel that you can’t make it through the night or through the day. Some of us feel it necessary to drink or do drugs just to make it through. But I just want you to know that everyone is special, and that even though life doesn’t seem worth living, it’s best to keep going. There may be a nice surprise around the corner, and it’s just for you. I can’t tell you what it is, I don’t know what lies ahead, I don’t know if it’ll get worse before it gets better. But I know that […]
How can I go on when so many things that remind of all the negatives. My life is just a mess of associations of things I face to hurtful thoughts.
Just want this rough ride to be over. If someone is reading a book and even by a quarter in they arent enjoying it, wouldnt they just put it down?
yet i still didn’t want to get out of bed. I’m pretty impressed i managed to one step at a time. taking of my clothes from yesterday one article at a time. convinced myself to throw on some nice smelling spray deodorant and put on fresh clothes. I shoulda stayed in bed though.
Today I feel worthless. like a waste. I resigned form my job because I got another job offer at another place. I feel kinda awful, like I’m abandoning them. Like this new job won’t work out. Like I’ll be a failure and lose everything. I know this is what life is like but […]
This is one of my favorite songs to listen to when I’m down. I hope that you all like it. Stay safe everyone.
-BloodShallShed
My marriage is ugly.
Divorce is ugly.
Suicide is ugly.
It’s quite a predicament. In my marriage, I am already dead. The pleasure of life is consumed. I really can’t paint a picture of how ridiculously abusive it is.
Suicide would just be an end to the torment. It’s a difficult thing to do. I don’t want “help” or “attention” so I’d have to give it 110%. Holding me back, so many passions. Prospects. Hopes and dreams . It makes me think, if I could let go of it all, I’d be OK in my marriage.
Divorce. Well. That’s just a lot of work. I mean, any guy can […]
I think that time is coming soon to try again iv had enough of being depressed battling to survive everyday simple life situations seem so differcult to handle watching the world move on wile I’m suck watching everyone building their lives and mine falling apart what kind of life is this struggling and suffering everyday If there is a god why dose he make us suffer so much and push me to the edge were I want to end it all I don’t I don’t understand I’m not sure how long I can stand on this edge without jumping
Hey guys… long time no see. It’s been months since I’ve been on here…. months spent thinking. Thinking that I was getting better. Thinking that the old Sam was gone. The one whose depression conquered her on a daily basis. The one who ran to her knife for comfort. The one who never knew what a nigt in peace was like.
Wrong.
So damn mother fucking wrong.
Hahahaha life is a cruel joke my loves. It wants you to live but gives you all the cards to die. I hope you are all doing better than me. I hope to see some familiar faces on here soon… […]
It’s taken quite a while to get Login details sorted out, but finally here I am. I’ve read other people’s posts for a several months, but it is good to have a voice on SP at last. So hello to everyone.
What brought me here is probably the best place to start my tale. I was searching on the Web for methods, and SP was one of the results because of the word ‘suicide’. It’s good for people to have somewhere they can go and discuss freely what’s happening to them and not have to bottle things up inside.
Anyway, back […]
There is nothing worse that not knowing how you feel; than having inexplicable feelings. It really is the worst feeling in the world. Not being able to express how you feel or what you want is the most disgusting and awful feeling you could ever possess.
Why does it happen? How is it even possible?
“You must know how you feel, you’re the one feeling it”
No. Because if I knew I wouldn’t dread every single day. If I knew I wouldn’t be numb and confused all the time over nothing. I don’t know how I feel about anything, and I don’t think I ever […]
Recently the depression has really been picking up and the desire to just end everything has gotten so much stronger.. I’ve been thinking a lot about the consequences of suicide and just feeling awful about it.
It’s like bang – gone – no more pain – rebirth or silence but at least escape – but then the thoughts of my family at my funeral, the friends who I have made future promises too, people I love and know I would hurt… Why does an act that ultimetely reflects a life long struggle and is truly personal have such a ripple effect? Why can’t I end my […]
What do you think? If I kill myself, will that action earn me a one-way ticket to hell?
My quality of life is zero. I suffer from both mental and physical pain, and things are getting worse with each passing year 🙁
Thank you for reading and replying to my post. It means a lot.
Maybe I want to give up fighting because things are broken that can’t be fixed hope can drive a man insane suicide seems sweet wile life is rough a razor across the flesh can relieve so much pressure watching the blood drip into the sink can look like art work maybe iv got used to living in the darkness and dying is more entertaining then living maybe dying early is my destiny
What if life is just a nightmare that u can wake up from by killing your self ? What if living on earth is a living hell and when we die we go to heaven ? What if all our problem could go away a year from now ? What if Thing don’t get better any I’m staying for no reason. That’s the question WHAT IF ?
Broken and empty. Only a book of memories and no life prospects. Fake smiles and a fake laugh that doesn’t even fool the deaf or blind. Through the motions of grainy and redundant. Isolation fills my heart and my life is unkind. I cease to exist not to take my own light. If depression sets in it is an option, I might.
I discovered this site (thankfully) after a dear friend committed suicide. He was a godly man with a beautiful family and an extremely profitable business. I was looking for some kind of clarity and understanding. I have been throughout my life suicidal, but never acted on it; probably because I fear hell and at first, I had to spare my grandparents. Now, I do not wish for my 3 daughters to suffer.
I was prompted tonight to type this post, because my mom will be called upon this week to decide if Pop, my stepdad, should have all forms of sustenance withheld. He suffers from vascular […]
Every day I have to tell myself that today is the day that I’m going to turn it all around. I say that I’m going to win all the battles of my day, I’m going to make all the right decisions instead of panicking in every other moment and getting trapped in a shell of anxiety and worthlessness.
The situation would be bearable if I was making progress or winning. But I’m losing. Life is kicking my ass and I just want to call quits. I’ve been trying for long enough. If I was meant to make it and be normal I wouldn’t be in this […]
I keep trying to fill that void inside
it feel like life is just passing by
looking in the mirror iv totally lost who I am the cuts relieve the pressure
can you save me from my self