I spend so much time daydreaming it’s like I live another life inside my head. I have daydreamed for as long as I can remember, all through primary school and I’m now in High school (15 years old). It has never bothered me that much in the past, I mean it would keep me from missing a lot in class but I never thought it was really that bad – until now. Now I just feel like I have another life inside my head, at first it didn’t cross my mind but now it’s stuffing up my head. I want it all to stop, I […]
Tag:
life
In this moment i wish i could die. So all the pain and memories of pain could disappear. So id never feel all the anger and hatred and my needless existence could disappear. Im sick of seeing triggers everywhere. Im sick of society at large. Im sick of having little self worth. Im sick of being different. Honestly im only still here because i failed at suicide hundreds of times. Im alone and uneccesary. But that said im not going to attempt. Im going to get up and go to the gym and continue to do the best i can do. There is a part […]
Why are we so obsessed with the preservation of life? I mean, we’re all going to die anyway.
Im not going to give up on you. Im hurt i feel abandoned but i still love you. I don’t want you to be alone. I don’t want you to cut off your support. Im going to give you and anyone else some veteran advice. Dont assume death when planning suicide. People survive gunshots and trips off the golden gate bridge. Rare but true. No method is 100 percent. To destroy things in order to make it easier on your suicide only makes your life worse in the high likelihood of you living. I say that to say this. You’re already alive longer […]
Despite working out and eating better im fatter. I got off of work early but im tired and sore. I cant turn on the tv without seeing shit about sex and relationships. I get it im too ugly to find anyone in real life i know. I fucking feel guilted by life to contacting my ex(met online) because i do worry about her and i know I’ll never get someone better. As proof of that someone else who ive met(also online) in the many months since we stopped talking and who i care about but who fucking abandoned and rejected me is in trouble. Idk […]
It’s like periodic anxiety attacks where my chest aches every time the shock of her absence, the pain of missing our life together, hits me.
I may feel less depressed because of the TMS (or possibly the the treatment for PCOS), but I still feel useless. Classes start this week and I don’t think I know how to be human again yet.
For one, my 2nd job is turning into my main job. My boss there is moving to LA and it’s going to be member-run. If we want full time pay, it’s up to us to get the donations to make it happen and sustain paid staff. In a sense, I got what I wanted. I thought I wanted to start businesses and nonprofits many times, but now I’ve inherited a nonprofit. I still worry about being homeless in April when the people I rent from move.
I was put on to doing some kind of presentation for the Buddhist center and it turned out to be […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/Tall-guy-Free-me.mp3
A song I wrote about depression.
Lyrics:
Free me from this prison,
I’ve been locked away for so long,
every day seems to last forever.
Then comes the night,
the time when all my toughts are set free,
they flow through me aimlessly
wanting to become a part of me!
I can feel the darkness
taking over my mind,
all I can see is blackness,
I feel empty, like there’s nothing to be found.
Within me
there is only despair,
I can not see clearly
it feels like life isn’t fair.
And then I think to myself
what feels better,
or less painfull
than being alive?
A rope around my neck?
A bullet through my head?
freefalling through the sky
meeting death at the end?
And then I think […]
I was just delt a bad hand where everything is a struggle for me. I just don’t see the good in life. I trained myself cognitive behaviors and programmed myself to continue to thrive to be productive against my own negative thinking. I have excelled in going outside my box but It’s so exhausting and Im still not happy. Still not any further than I was. There’s nothing wrong with me hating life as long as I’m productive in society. That’s what all the doctors preach right? I’m done pretending, I’m done putting up a fake face. I just want to be in a room […]
I’m back. Living, and back. I thought by now I would have atleast tried to kill myself. To rid myself of the tortures of life and anxiety and depression. It’s haunts me everyday, and I don’t know how to fix myself, because I’m broken. I’m not happy, I don’t have dreams, I can’t live a normal life. I put on a fake smile at school, and pretend like I’m happy. I try to talk to new people, I try to get them to like me. But I will never be accepted. I’m weak, and broken.
I live in my room, and play the violin to keep […]
Imagine a life without human relationships. No partners. No children. No close friends. No feeling of connection.
What is left?
What else can give a sense of meaning to the suffering we all face as part of life? If for some reason connections with others are ruled out, what is left in this vast, empty world that can hold any enduring significance?
What would your answer be?
For me, Earth would be a great place to live if all was fair, equal, and just.
hey guys, would just like to say I hope everyone has had a safe weekend. I understand life may be difficult now, but as humans we are capable of great things. Remeber that you are never alone, you will always have someone to talk to on here; this is just a stage. You are the star player in your life, if you don’t like the way things are, try and change them, if you can’t, work to change things for the best. I know that feeling you have when first thing you do in the morning when you open eyes, is question your existence on […]
This my first time on this site. I was able to have the opportunity to read many of other’s post in despair as well as others post of acknowledgement and support. I don’t wish anyone the sadness, loneliness, hopeless, and most of all worthlessness that comes with Depression or with any other mental illness for that matter. It is sad, but comforting to know there are others out there who feel the same way I do, and from all different background and stories. I have struggled with Depression since I was a teenager and now I am in my late 20’s and it […]
hi my name is Santos and this is going to be about my suicide attempts .
My first suicide attempt was August 3rd I rememberthat threw that time I was going threw major depression I would always cut myself and I would always hear how my parents thought I was worthless and my dad just that day slapped me and I got really sad and went online and read threw my ask. Fm comments and most of them were really bad some would say u have now friends u dumb fuck or others would say u look like a pig so I […]
What is it like to just live? To just live a life where you don’t feel like everyone is watching you? Where no one gives a shit what you are doing, where you are going, who you are talking to, and how you are doing it? I really can’t remember. I honestly want to live in a cave underground with no windows and no doors and no light so that no one can see me ever. I want to not exist. I want to be alone so that I don’t hurt anyone. I want to never interact with anyone so that I don’t do anything […]
Wanna know something I’ve never admitted before now? I’m not scared of the darkness inside me. It’s comfortable, familiar, but I’m terrified of the pure. It’s in there somewhere and I swear it’s so bright It washes over everything else until it’s all I can see, and it it’s in love with everyone. Honestly I just want so bad to embrace it but I think it has the power to destroy the rest of me. It feels like my choices are to watch myself destroy my own life like I always do, or die in a barrage of change, and I’m too much of a […]
Class started again today . We went in the clinic to learn X-rays . I literally cannot stand the people there .I usually just work alone . I work best that way anyways.
It’s so hard to think in class when I can only think about how tired I am . I can barley keep my eyes open. I sleep so much so I dont understand why I can’t be awake . This has such an impact on me . I feel like I have the capability to do nothing .
I like to sleep . I imagine that’s what death is like . Black . And […]