Today,I spent the entire day trying to find a painless way to kill myself.They are right when they say dying is never painless.What happens to a man when he loses the reason for his survival,when he finds that is short existance in this world is nothing but a wheel of regret and failure.We each owe God a debt,the debt of death.It seems the time has come for me to pay back my debt.From ashes to ashes,from dust to dust.
Honestly, I don’t. Just the though of taking my life scares the shit out of me. I just feel like i no longer have anything left worth living for. Everything i have ever known is gone. My new life is so fucking pathetic. The same exact routine day after day. No ambition to even try and do anything different.
Any hope of a “normal” life i may have had in the past is gone. I may have what i need to survive, but is that really living? Is that reason enough to keep pushing through, to keep telling myself i can make it for one […]
Something big hit me today when I was lying down on my bed. I have came to the realization there is nothing I actually want to do with my life. And when I say nothing I mean absolutely nothing. Everybody I have ever known has their own set of goals or things they want to do with their life. Whether that be in a loving relationship with kids, travel the world, go to concerts and parties,do any activities and so on. Everybody wants to do something.
Me? I want to do absolutely nothing. I don’t look at anything and be like I want to do this […]
Be that person to save someone on here…be their inspiration to open up their eyes and let them see that their life is worth living for. Don’t just encourage them to end their life or even wish them go luck to end their life, or give them any plans. Be their voice..
Im so scared I dont know what to do……I’ve been in chronic pain now for 10yrs after a car accident made me have to have spine surgery. My life was great until that point……I was in college getting ready to graduate next quarter and I was working for a doctors office doing the work that I was in college for.
After the surgey I was unable to continue with class/work since it was excruciating to sit or stand for long periods of time and I would get horrible spasms and nerve damage caused a lightning type pain to run from my buttox down to my foot.
Well […]
I have had success but it is all gone. I had love but it is gone. Ive traveled done and seen a lot but none of that is in my future. If the future is merely a shell a hollow existence of mere survival as opposed to living is there any reason to go on?
They once told me that when every human is born, they are afraid of death. That our natural instincts tell us to live. For some reason, I was born different. From as far back as I could remember, I was never afraid of dying. When I was young, if a car was racing towards me, I would calmly step out of the way without ever feeling anything. If I was in the ocean and I couldn’t stay afloat, I would simply think about how my life didn’t matter anyway. But as I grew, that indifference to life and death morphed into something different. It changed […]
Just saying I’m still here. I went to see the guy I like and it was different. Or rather, I tried to hide my feelings and I can’t do that forever. I learned that he is insanely picky and judgemental of girls and decides in less than a nanosecond who’s good enough for him and who isn’t, with most getting the no pass. But I’m still insanely attracted to him because he’s my type. I still feel like I’m better off dead, since I’ll never have love and there’s no point in living without someone to give my everything to.
Somedays i feel like it’s so hard to understand anyone or anything around me.. I dislike waking up in the morning and knowing that, i have to live for another day.. Everyone constantly says that, there’s no such thing as feeling sad forever, and eventually we’ll all get out of this hell. But it’s not true, i’ve been waiting for so long for all of these to end. Why hasn’t it..? I want to be free as well yet it seems so impossible when i’m living on this earth.. So many things have been going on for the past 2years, i’ve waited very patiently.. for […]
One point of time in life I wasn’t always depressed, I sit here and I think how things got this way but until this day I still don’t understand . It’s like now I don’t see the point of living anymore… To wake up and do the same stuff everyday, see the same people and places . It’s tiring ! And th e one time everything made sense was when I was with him… My savior, he made me so happy but now he’s gone ???? got stabbed to death. It’s like now will I ever feel the same? When I had him here I […]
There are so many things running through my head i might not make much sense, as I always do whenever I get suicidal. Actually saying that I’m suicidal actually makes me feel real juvenile for some reason, because I keep telling myself that I’m too old to run away from things like this. But truth be told, I’m just really scared of my life turning into nothing and having no point in life. I’m just really scared of my life right now, because I can literally feel it unraveling, because of who I am (and who I am NOT to be more precise).
I’ve always thought […]
I don’t know whether or not I feel like things are worth it. Maybe some things and people are worth living for but what about the rest, what about the things you never asked for. I get that life throws you obstacles to get passed and learn a lesson from but I don’t want this anymore. I don’t want to live with myself, my thoughts, my actions or things I don’t do for myself. I can’t live with my appearance, or who I am. I’m tired of losing people, tired of opening up to people that don’t care, and I’m so damn tired of letting […]
Before I start, I guess I’ll preface by saying that I’m not really used to doing this sort of thing—that is, writing out my problems to anonymous internet users. Hopefully it is way better than talking to my phony therapist, getting paid 100 dollars an hour for absolutely nothing.
Where to begin? I guess I’ll just say I was diagnosed with Body Dysmorphic Disorder, or BDD. Except that is hard for me to believe when I actually show signs of ugliness. If this phenomena of BDD didn’t even exist, I doubt I’d be writing this now. There would be nothing for doctors to pawn off as […]
“Why do you cut?”
Because I can’t take the pain inside me. Physical torment is better than emotional suffering or mental burdens.
“Why do you cut?”
Because I can focus on something other than my broken spirit.
“Why do you cut?”
Because when I see myself bleed, and feel the warm blood, I know that the cold I feel is not real.
“Why do you cut?”
Because it hurts so much but I don’t want to hurt them back.
“Why do you cut?”
Because it makes me feel better.
Why do I cut, you ask.
Because this is the only way to continue this farce of living.
I’ve got nothing left to live for. Everything I had I gave up for wanting something I really believed in, now that too is gone. I cannot continue living in this depression. I’ve tried sleeping pills last week but only woke up two days later, feeling like more of a failure for not even being able to kill myself. Cutting is not an option. I was thinking of driving out to the beach at night, taking another dose of sleeping tablets and then going into the water once I feel the effect thereof. I cannot keep breathing in this miserable existence any longer
My mother is a lesbian. She hasn’t come out to me or my older sister yet in years. She and my father have been divorced for over 10 years. It’s a secret that I dispise having. She puts it in our faces that she’s gay and has and has had girlfriends. Recently I’ve been really depressed and she’s been putting it in my face that I’m wrong and that I’m her most problematic child. My sister is 7 years older than me. I am 19 and she is 26. She is living at home and has been living at home ever since she back from […]
Everyone needs a hero in their life.. and sometimes the world just doesn’t hold enough of them. When times get rough and darkness takes over..there doesn’t seem to be anyone left to take the next step and face the relentless evil that continues to war against the humanity we try so very hard to protect.
That’s when the best of us all must surface..to lay their life on the line for the rest.
If you could shed this mortal coil and become more in this life.. who would you be? What hero would surface to do battle against the darkness?
DeadLeaf is the hero I’ve created to […]
That worthless feeling the knowing that its true. I can’t help but to feel so dumb for holding on to hope I should have went through with it. I should have known that it was too good to be true. Now I’m past depressed and I’m filled with so much hate I cant fucking deal with myself.. They say live life with no regrets but it still living life that I regret ????
Its like 2:30, i’m still awake for no real reason other than debating whether I should go to work in the morning or just not go and die at a relatively soon timing. I’ve had serious thoughts about not existing since late elementary to early middle school and its just developed into a sad hobby of sorts. I’ve spent at least half an hour to an hour daily recently looking up different ways to kill myself and I think the only reason I haven’t done it yet is that my biggest fear is failing and being unable to make another attempt for whatever reason. My […]
This is my final post on here, I thought it would help me. Some of the people on here are really helpful. But I know my decision now. I will go away, in a sense. I have issues befriending people. In the end however they leave, that’s ok though. They are forgiven. So is everyone else who has caused me pain, you are forgiven. I am now at peace, I feel no more pain. I have dreaded posting this, because I felt that maybe hope was somewhere. But certain events today proved to me otherwise. I know that there is no other way. I’ve no […]