im a sophmore in highschool, and i have gone through a lot with my mom. My background story is fine nothing wrong as a kid my parents are still together blah blah. But it started in 7th grade. My mom started making me more and more angry as the days went on.. It didnt get real bad until 8th grade though. My mom was driving me to the point where i was suicidal. I didnt want to live here any longer. I attempted, was too scared and gave that attempt up, then about a week later, one of my former good friends decided to take […]
I don’t know what to do anymore. I was getting better, but it all just got ruined. I’m not sure that I want to move back home now. There won’t really be anyone waiting for me there. I’m just so confused. I don’t want to cry anymore and I don’t want to feel so inferior. I know, someone can only make you feel inferior if you let them. That’s easier said than done though. I just wish I could end it all, but every. single. fucking. attempt. Has failed.
I just can’t stand this anymore. I don’t know what to do with myself. I can’t very […]
I do but then again I couldn’t care less. There’s just so much pain behind the fake smile that I put on my face every morning in order to “fit in.” I’m just tired, can someone come and shoot me in the head? I don’t deserve to live anyways, I want to die.
You
know when u really trusted someone and then they say they trust you and all of
a sudden they stop talking to you because of someone else. Honestly I don’t
know what to do anymore. Im getting attacked left, right and center, by this
girl. I trusted him with things that I would never trust anyone with. He played
with my heart and said he was only talking to her because he was trying to be
the good mate. Now I feel like I was used just for his pleasure.but now I feel
down because I really found out who it was attacking me. […]
To that little girl, smiling from ear to ear, with no worries on her mind and no demons in her head? Where’s the girl whose smile would light up a room, who laughed like there was no tomorrow, who would spend hours jumping in the rain, where’s the girl who enjoyed life?
What happened to me, what’s wrong with me? Now I am waiting to die, every second of every day just waiting. I’ve been waiting for 4 years now, when will it finally come to an end?
“When you grow up, your heart dies.”-The Breakfast Club.
It took all i had to make this. I couldn’t be any more proud. Days are still hard but I’m happy I reached this point.
I don’t really know what else i can do anymore. Cameron died almost exactly a year ago (September 8 2013) and I am STILL not over it. I’ve gone to all the groups, I’ve been hospitalized for PTSD, I’ve got a new boyfriend who treats me like gold, I go out, I don’t talk about it all the time anymore. What else can I do to make it feel better.
The thing you have to know is Cameron and I were very much in love but […]
Is it normal… to look in the mirror and not see yourself in the reflection?
Having been so caught up in everyone’s “expectation†of you. To have completely lost yourself trying to be what everyone else wanted you to be?
Every night you dream of this life, you could NEVER have, but every day you long for it.
You have all these hopes… dreams… ideas… that you want to fulfill but just not enough time to do so.
Then you go to sleep… still having yet to achieve anything extraordinary in your life, waking up in the morning realizing your one day closer to […]
Im 15, very silly, down to earth person, well that is what is seen on the outside, in the inside I am a victim of despair, self-destructive thoughts and the longing to end this cruel joke called life.
A few months ago I posted a story about my best friend who was close to the edge and how I desperately wanted to stop him doing the wrong thing because he just had so much to live for. Well a lot of time has passed and he is still alive, I actually managed to stop him – but in doing so I put all of myself into what I can only crudely refer to as a mission and I know now that I lost myself. I learnt to think like a suicidal person, seeing the triggers, the pain, the hurt, the desire to end the pain – mostly because […]
Knowing how you paint your eyes..
Many colors in disguise.
You may blink once or twice..
But you’ve grown up way too fast..
And in a blink of an eye you’ve died.
Maybe enough of us get set up to hold a color in your eyes.
To late to live a simple life..
You get what you get..
And still can’t lift the blinds.
You can push me out on a limb..
But who will catch me..
If I can’t see to climb.
Like you..
If I’m blind like you..
Seeing only lies.
All I need is a time between the lines of grey..
In your dark dismay.
I am a failure in all ways that matter to me i cant stay away from drugs and they no longer even numb my pain the one i love with all my heart is to afraid what it would mean to love me to be gay even tho he has said if he was he would marry me and has considered it…..he claims he cares and that i am a good man but he was raised to hate gays even tho he does not hate me??? yet his ex he hates and is always fighting with but uses for a booty call will spend a […]
Everything I do fails. Everything. Something really good will happen to me, and then I basically get slapped across the face. I feel like nothing is worth effort anymore because something inevitably goes wrong for me.
I feel like there is no meaning for anything in my life anymore. I feel like I’m just in the universe to be taken advantage of. The people I care about don’t care about me. And when I try, people don’t see it.
I’ve noticed people only want to be around me if I’m giving. If I’m selfless. If I ever do something for myself or want something for myself I […]
It has been almost a year…
Since I lost the man I love.
Since he gave up.
Since my daughter lost the father she never got a chance to meet.
 Since he shot himself.
I was six months pregnant with his only child.
She is perfect.
She looks just like him.
But he won’t ever know that.
He is gone.
He has been gone for nine months and twenty-nine days.
It feels like it has been centuries.
I watch the one video clip I have of him just so I don’t forget his voice.
It’s been such a long time
Since I’ve felt this stinging sensation
Of ice cold metal and lurid fascination.
Deep down inside, I know it’s wrong of me.
But you don’t see, and that’s okay.
Where do you go from here?
When there’s nowhere to go but down.
Lost within the confines of your mind.
Oh sweet insecurities and deafening possibilities
Of how everything could end…
How would you say goodbye?
To the ones who stood by your side,
Who you thought always hated you
And left you with your crippled self?
How would feel on the day
What more do you have left to say?
The […]
Well.How do I start?… Ummm . okay here it goes.Its been almost 4 months that he is gone.I loved him so much and so did he. Yes, my GUY. He died b’cuz of some heart problem. 🙁 . Im 14 years old and life seems like its going to get over.We were in a relationship for 4 years on the whole. He is everything for me.But now I miss him. And I feel like dying . It hurts to know that he is no more, i wanna go away with him.And before he died we fought the other day. He asked me whether I could […]
Can’t take it!! I feel like a constant failure all the time, everybody tells me that I’m great, that I’m awesome, brilliant, smart… My family loves me, my brother cares more about me that I do, my friends always bring me back up, but I just had lost it…
I suffer from anxiety and depression, I went to therapy when I used to cry every single time at any hour the second I got up my bed, it helped a little, but to be honest I never told her my truth feelings, then things at home got bad, my thoughts about family went from ‘amazing’ […]
I feel like I Cant live without you.
I’ve pushed and pushed people away just cause I’m afraid.
Why’d you have to go?
I miss you so bad its not even funny anymore.
People find me pathetic for missing you after 8 months.
But i don’t care, cause they din’t know how wonderful you were.
I’m sorry, I always blamed you.
When you should have blamed me.
I miss you so badly.
I should have realized it when you were here.
But now that you don’t want me anymore its feel worst then […]
I really don’t know what to do. At least I’ve had my life insurance policy for several years. But, the payout is only $100,000 and the family could use more. Over time, I’ve crawled into a deeper, darker hole. I go through the motions, but even that isn’t what it used to be. I used to be able to fake it all much better. Now, my home life and work life are affected and it’s been in a downward spiral for months that is worse than the years prior. Is it better to have my son grow up with a parent who seems depressed and lost […]
Bare with me, I don’t do this kind of thing a lot. Ever, really. I’m 15, female. I started cutting when I was 12. My mom and older brother were fighting all the time, not like arguing either, like throwing chairs at each other. He hit her and made threats. I didn’t feel safe. He pushed me around a little but nothing major. My mom was also mostly living with her abusive boyfriend at the time, staying at his house with his family. I hated that. She left me home with my Bi-Polar drugged out father and younger brother, whom I basically raised. After several […]