I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m so lost and it’s such a long story I don’t know where to begin. There’s this boy and I’ve known him for a little over a year now. We became very fast friends and I told him everything. The first day we ever really talked I told him everything. I was sexually abused as a child, I was raped multiple times by a man I called my grandfather. He told me his life story, his troubled past with his parents, his horrible past relationship. We talked every day, all day. I moved to his city and got […]
Tag:
Lost
Well I don’tknow what to say or where to start, but I guess just letting it all out is a start, so here it goes. I’m a 22 year old female and at the age of 22 I never knew I would of felt the amount of pain as I have this past few years. Past few weeks all I been thinking about is sucide, why should I go on? I can barley handle the pain because of this depression its like a disease that will never go away from the feel of it. I been thinking of different ways to do it overdosing, jumping […]
IM A FUCKIN FAILURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK
So we sit together here, I squeeze your frozen hands bare,
The lights are gone from your eyes, Baby, I am willing to let go all my keys.
A dark twisting path lies at bay, I have lost my lantern to light your way.
You say it hurts to even swallow.
Tell me, why is even a smile so mellow?
Every night I kiss your forehead, with dreams of fairy tales to read.
I keep on telling myself to believe, “Yes, yes, tomorrow she will live.”
Rain covers all the lands with passion, my eyes have grown impatient.
You say it hurts to even swallow.
Tell me, will the future be a mere shadow?
Hold […]
I keep trying to get better, because everyone tells me that I’m sick. That I have a mental disease that can kill me.
So I try again and again.
But I always end up right back here.
I guess I belong here. With the sick and the troubled; the lost and let down. I’m just a sick person looking for what? Happiness? Self worth? Validation? I don’t have a clue. But I do know that I belong with the fallen. I’m here with the people who, even though they’ve never met me, understand me. I’m with those who have given up, who have realized that there’s nothing left […]
disclaimer: Â I’m not saying ‘do this and you’ll feel better’, if I know anything, it’s that the road away from suicide is undoubtedly the toughest I have travelled, and I just wanted to share what that felt like, and after it happened it was followed by a new outlook on what my possibilities are. Â But nevertheless even while I no longer want to slit every artery I can find, it’s still near impossible to beat the depression, every day.
I just lost it today. Â I had been doing so well.
I fell back into my depression probably August and the suicidal thoughts began in October. Â I came […]
Will tonight be the night? To the right of me, just within arm’s reach, is the answer to all my problems, the victory to all my failures, the reward for all my pain.
For just a heartbeat, or an eternity depending on how you look at it, all the wars will stop, children will stop getting raped, animals will stop being tortured, all bills will be paid, all mistakes will be erased, and politicians will stop f*king up the world.
Why don’t I do it? Because my dog is laying on top of me, and she’s the warmest feeling you could ever imagine. If she gets up […]
I am so hurt and lost. For the past few months my life has been crashing down around me. My mom is in jail for 5 years. Living with a dad I never met before because my grandparents didn’t want me. In ten days I have to go to a bootcamp for a crime I didn’t commit. After 16 months my girlfriend left my for my cousin. I lost my job. I don’t know what to do. I hate this world. I’m lost and alone in a big city. I need help. I get drunk almost everynight. I’ve been to rehab fir it already. I […]
I’ve lost.
For months I’ve been playing russian roulette with my best friend. When wouldn’t she be there when I would need her.. Well, now. I will most likely fail but I will try to take my life tonight. Don’t stop me I want this and I probably don’t have the balls to do it anyway xs Cus I’m weak as always xs
I WISH I HAD CONTROL!!
I never remember it.. Ever…
I WISH I HAD CONTROL…
I wish I hadn’t done it but I have..
I WANT CONTROL!!
I Â know I shouldn’t.. That it’s bad….
I WANT CONTROL…
I don’t think I can stop.. Never…
I ‘M LOST AND LONELY!!
I’m all alone in this dark abyss..
I’M LOST AND LONELY…
My Escape, Â for I have no other Wish…
When I do it, it’s sweet and painful..
The only pain left for me that I feel.
One of the few […]
It’s hard to admit there is something wrong. It’s hard trying to put all my emotions into words. It’s frustrating that I don’t truly understand what’s wrong with me, therefore it is difficult for others to understand. I lost the respect for my mother when I was in seventh grade. Freshman year my father hit me and choked me and my mother just watched. I stopped talking to my family completely because I knew they didn’t wanna hear what I wanted to say. I am a junior in high school now and I had to switch schools this past year. Have you ever felt surrounded […]
My whole life I’ve always thought of  myself to be this “good girl”. Like success was the only option and I was so confident that I’d get the whole “storybook” lifestyle. And I’m not someone who believes things are handed to you so I knew there would be some hardships but I just don’t think anyone should go through such constant disappointments. I think I’ve reached my limit, I’ve completely lost myself. Nothing I do makes any sense to me But I just can’t stop it. I just want to be happy, but I never can. I’ve always been a good student but I’m flunking […]
Whatever it might cost, a look into the future,
Forsaken but not lost,
Nor given in to torture,
Like noises in the wall, no one will notice,
You know you will fall
And drown in misfortune.
Crowned by the doom, you almost see it coming,
To stand or to give up,
You can figure nothing.
Then you retrace your steps, and when the world rejoices
You stumble back and forth,
You’re torn between the choices…
And the disaster gleams, beckoning the reverie
You’re dwelling into dreams
You know astral travelling,
Far away from scorns and senseless agitations
You’re breaking into thorns
Of […]
Completely lost my identity to bipolar three years ago when my family pushed me into hospitalization and disability. had a shitty psychiatrist who overmedicated me to the point of not being able to function. so medicated that I couldn’t hold a job, lost three in one year. My career is over, as one of the jobs was in my career field and I was fired. I’ve tried 17 different medications. now i tried ECT and it has obliterated my short term memory and ability to feel anything. I have no desire to do anything at all. My mind […]
Many of you have seen me here.
And what really can be said. If I could right now, I’d take my own life because there seems to be no light at the other end. I’m flat it seems like with no emotion and I hate that feeling. I’ve gone through a lot in my life, not as much as some on here, but I’ve got demons I live with every day and don’t know how to take it anymore.
So why do I write? No idea. I guess just to say, I’m tired of it? That I live through life alive but dead? And that I’m […]
I dont deserve to live. Thats what I think, and thats what I feel everyone else should think about me. Ever since i’ve become a teenager my life has just been shit. You’ll probably say im just overreacting. You’re probably right. But i cant help it. I just hate myself so bad I can barely describe it. Im a failure at life. I had friends, then I lost them, im socially awkward, im a freak, im a coward, im pessimistic, im selfish, im useless, im dumb, im slow and im narrow-minded. I feel like Gods mistake. Aparrently God gave everyone a good trait, but not […]
i kind of feel like nothing. you know?
as in. i feel empty, literally.
like i have no stomach, or liver, or kidneys, or lungs just nothing. i feel nothing. im just an outline of a figure holding a sad soul, that has already died.
the only thing i know exists is my brain, because the voices are haunting it.
my feelings are gone. i thought i felt numb before, and would occasionally notice a feeling, of somewhat happiness that would last mere seconds.
but now. it’s like i don’t even recognise emotion.
i ‘smile’.
it feels like any other movement.
it doesn’t hold any true feeling of happiness. nothing. […]
I guess we all have different reasons for being here. For me it keeps coming back to the same thing: I’m not convinced that life is a good thing.
All living things are born with some sort of survival instinct. But has anyone rationalized why we should want to live? I think it’s just some sort of selfish programming, like the desire to take whatever you want. In the case of taking things (stealing), we’ve learned to suppress that instinct. Mindless carnal instincts like rape & violence are mostly suppressed too. But still there’s that ridiculous “self preservation” thing that nobody ever questions.
Maybe I was born […]
Do you see how broken I am now? How lonely.., lost.., and terrified I am? Can you see the pain in my eyes now? The cracks and scratches? Tell me.. Do you understand now? Do you care now? Do you regret your hurtful words now? Do you regret your doubts now? I was scared and I just wanted you to be there I just wanted you to care and understand and you doubted me.. Humiliated me.. Mocked me.. the scars are here and they cant be erased. So thanks. For making this bigger than it really was.. And thanks for putting me through all this.. […]
Hi. I am a teenage girl. Over the last few months I’ve been under depression. I have suicidal thoughts. I really think that I do not deserve to live. I hate myself.. I am very ugly and have no talents. I’ve been bullied at school. I’ve heard so many horrible things about my appearance that really hurt my feelings. However I really agree with all those who call me ugly. I want to change, but I can’t. I cry every single day and night, I’m in great pain. I can’t stop these feelings. Because of being ugly I have no self-confidence ani I don’t […]