Okay so my kind of suicidal is more like hours of disgusting contemplation over the most gruesome way to kill myself. But I’m not always suicidal, I am usually a very happy person. This feeling is only ensued when….I even get angry typing it out…..when my parents mention marrying me off. And I’m only ******* seventeen and I’m still a junior in high school (I started school late). I get extremely angry and my head starts throbbing (I can even hear it beating), and my body starts shaking like crazy. I go to an empty room and cry my heart and eyes out. I think […]
Tag:
Lost
I have attended four highschools, all completely different. With completely new teachers, new classes, and new classmates. With each school year I’ve been that girl who rarely spoke, the girl who just went to school then went back home.I had no life, because I never opened up and allowed people to get close to me.
Every new school year my mother says I’ll find some new friends who won’t stab me in the back, but every time I’m invited to hang out, my mother says no. She claims it’s because she doesn’t know these people, and I think ‘how will you ever know them if […]
hello. it has been so long since i have even been one here. since april actually. but i decided to come back on.
i feel done with life. im not living anymore. im just the walking dead, like a zombie. literally. i cant concentrate on anything. and ill probably be made to go to rehab soon because i couldnt stop smoking weed. well i dont really care. im planning on killing myself before that happens. i know for a fact that i can never be happy again. thats just never gonna happen. im just completely done. i dont even want to be around my best […]
Are you afraid of being alone? ‘Cuz I am. I’m lost without you. Are you afraid of leaving tonight? ‘Cuz I am. I’m lost without you….
by Nat....
written by Nat....
I have the worst fucking headache ever. 🙁
Today during first lesson, I got this amazing feeling. Y’know, That feeling of ‘everything is going to be okay’? Well, it’s gone now. It’s been replaced with hopeless despair and the slight sickening thoughts of ‘This could all be over’ are slowly creeping into my mind and taking over. I’m afraid of being alone.. I’m really afraid. I don’t want to be alone…
I really want to have something new to say, But I don’t. I have nothing. Same old shit about this broken toy that you’ve all read before.
My OCD is getting worse, A fuck load worse. And […]
i can’t believe it, i’ve lost the only thing i’ve ever enjoyed in life and he through it all away. i gave him everything and he pays me back by ripping my heart out. All my friends have “dropped” me. All i’ve got now is my sister and even then she doesn’t care. I’m just so over it all so this is me. Saying bye. i’m so sorry to who i have caused pain to but. in the end no one was ever really there, i get laughed at, at school and im so pardon my french but im so fucking over it. bye.
Hi all, in a way I not to sure what led me to this site, i guess I’m just looking for a place to vent how i feel without feeling like I’m “bringing people down” or in need of “growing up”.
I don’t really now where to start, kind of like how my life feels, just lost and floating around hoping for things to change or just get easier, lately iv felt so down i don’t know how to get back to feeling “OK”, I feel like i wake up each day expecting things to change but then i lie my head down at night and […]
i have been divorced for 2 years and just cant stop loving him, even tho he is remarried, this man was my soul mate or so i thought we were married 18 years and ive tried everything therapy meds nothing is working and it just gets worse i cant live in this pain any longer. Â the pain is great i cry i lay in bed and just think, ive lost my job ive been told im crazy i want to die just to scared to do it because i will probably fuck that up to.
I’ve been having depression since the end of 6th grade. I’m now in 10th. I don’t take anti- depressants anymore because they don’t help. Let’s start with the fact that- my family is fucked up. My dad used to beat my mother infront of my brothers and I, and then a few months after, he just packed his things and left us. I haven’t seen him since. He’s a stranger to me – and even though I still have this despise towards him for hurting my mum, I miss having a dad role in my life. The other thing is – I’m overweight. I’m 5’3 […]
Instead of trying to achive something I rather smoke weed and not think about anything. I dont even know what I’m afraid of. People. I’m pathetic.
I told myself I would work since I have about 1000 euro in Debt. Instead I’m just sitting here, numb. Not wanting to do anything. Im fucking pathetic.
I was supposed to start my new job next week. I called and emailed them. No response. Im guessing they dont want me anymore. Must be because I’m ugly as fuck.
I feel betrayed by someone I miss deeply. I hate it when people dissapear, without any clue. Id rather have someone telling […]
i’ve just come out of a relationship, and before you all start, that isn’t the reason i’m feeling the way i am. i can deal with not being close to somebody, its the fact that when something goes wrong in my life, i have nobody i can talk to about it? if i tell my mum she just gets the whole family involved, and i don’t want that. all of my friends seem to have turned against me these past few days, and i know break-ups are hard, and it isn’t the end of the whole, but this is so difficult and i can’t express […]
This world is just something I can’t even describe and it hurts me to know I can’t even form a sentence for how much hate I have for this place and everything in it. Everyone in this damned place are scum, everyone knows how to hurt one another. There is not a single human who understands my burning hatred for everything, nor is there even one that isn’t selfish. “People” or “humans”, whatever we claim to be cause NOTHING but pain and agony. I walk around with open wounds in my head, my conscious screaming and trying to get through will all of your bullshit. Know one […]
I am a 38 year old loser. I have a degree in nursing I know the signs of depression. Seven months ago I quit my job I just couldn’t get up, I didn’t want to get up. I didn’t want to do anything but lay there. Ok so I was already depressed how was not showing up to work going to make me happy. So I lost my job now I am sad and I have no job. At this point I don’t even care I should care but I don’t all I want to do is to lay down. I cry over everything but […]
Why am I here? That is the question i have been asking myself lately.  I just don’t get it.  I feel like God is just keeping me here as entertainment. My mom is pregnant and felt like she was going to have the baby early, so she was in the hospital and got to come home yesterday.  I had soccer practice, but i feel slow and tired so i haven’t been playing good.  It just feels like the world is moving without me. All my family does anymore is yell. My dad says it’s my fault we fight, but couldn’t give me any reasons why […]
I have tried just about everything. I started trying when I was seven years old and have not been successful this far. I am 42 and am in chronic pain. My health is failing which as you could imagine makes one very depressed. As for the gun shot I didn’t try it myself my brother did it for me. At seven I received a gun shot directly into the eye and spent six months in the hospital. I lost an eye over it and a lifetime of pain. Today my health is failing because of the damage that gun did to me all those years […]
Hi,
I’m new here. I guess I came across this site trying to find the best way to end everything. I’ve spent the last two days just reading everyone’s stories and it makes me feel guilty for even feeling this way. Some of the stories I’ve read are so sad and I feel like in comparison, what do I have to be depressed about. From the outside looking in, it probably seems like my life is great. I’m that girl that is always smiling, always trying to make things better and always laughing. People don’t seem to understand that you can fake it all, I go home […]
This song is really close to home for me, I thought a lot of you could probably relate.
Am I just floating around in this moment of time and space? It makes me wonder. A state of mind, ’cause I’m just fading away, and my head is lost up in the satellites. I’m so far and gone to ever get it right. Through unseeing eyes, day dreaming again.
Eternity is seemingly an endless waiting. Lost in forever. Eternally, a limitless time. It’s never ending. I’m lost in forever.
Am I just hanging around all alone in my mindless haze? It takes me under. […]
lost my mother,my father,my uncle,my car,my dog,my cat, my health, my home, I’m wanted by the sheriff, no one in my family hardly talks to me, I’m thousands of dollars in debt. I can’t have sex, I’m 42 years old. I’m an alcoholic and use drugs, I hate my job, I hate my neighbors, I just want it all to go away!!
I’ve been married now for almost 5 years. I live in a state without my immediate family. I have tried to make friends, but it always seems like I end up with the selffish ones. I Never thought moving to a new state would make it so hard to find a place where I can fit in. I try to make friends so I can have someone to hangout with or talk to when I need a friend. It is so hard to use my out of state family, because I don’t want them to worry about me if something is hurting me.
Lately, I […]
Do you ever get the feeling where you don’t feel dark or especially depressed, but your mind is fixated on suicide and it’s never far from the front of your thoughts? You’re able to function just fine and you don’t feel any sadder than usual, it’s just that you’re constantly planning and thinking about your own death no matter how hard you try to distract yourself.
That’s how I feel right now, and have felt for the past 2 years pretty much non stop. And it scares me, because I can’t help but wonder if this is all I am now, all I’m going to be. […]
I used to have a few really good friends that i go to school with. They’ve either moved or we’ve had a falling out. Now i’m stuck by myself, with no one to go to… Today was the first day of senior year. It’s supposed to be the best year of your teenage years, right? Well. I could tell you otherwise. I walk in the class.. and i’m alone. Everyone’s in their own little cliques and i’m sitting in the back, alone. I’m not the most outgoing girl ever, i’ve been this way since i can remember… always the “quiet girl”. I didn’t really know […]