Tag:
Love
Whishing you were here
by my side
Huging me
making me feel safe in your arms
kissing me
feeling the love you feel for me
Smiling together
dreaming about the future; us together
But im here in my bedroom
wishing all does things
hopping you come to save me
to take me away from this pain
but im still here
Wishing the day you come back to be mine
I have posted here before, a while ago already.
Anyways, now I’m still in this mess, alone every single day, doing nothing. No one who cares about this, because “autism is the problem”. I will be starting therapy to deal with my autism in 2 weeks, so I guess that is a good thing.
Although i dont believe this is the “problem” I just let it run it’s course, I mean, all those psychiatrists are trained for it right? They sure must know it better than me?
Now I have been sitting home every single day, alone, for the past year, doing nothing at all. I rarely talk […]
just venting again.. anyways.. so I just recently broke up w my gf.. it wasn’t that long of a relationship.. but it was love, and something i haven’t felt in like.. more than 5 years..
of course i fucked it up.. cuz i went all psycho on her like i did all of my ex gf’s who of course dumped me because of the same reason.. so here I am.. always caught up in my negativity.. and because of it I haven’t even finished school yet..
I look at all my other friends and my sister’s boyfriend.. they’ve got jobs, friends, and gf’s.. i can barely […]
My sister let me move in with her, and she has her boyfriend who lives with her as well, and everything was fine when I first arrived. In fact I honestly thought it was amazing, I felt so free and wanted and I was happy. But then things just kept dragging on and on and today my sister came back home and told me that my actions have been hurting her boyfriend. I don’t mean to do any of this, I want him to be comfortable and happy in his home and I feel so beyond bad. I haven’t cried so much in so long. […]
(Sorry in advanced if things are disjointed posting on my cell)
I found this site nearly two years ago thought maybe I should make an account. Each time I would be bogged down with fear that maybe I shouldn’t what would people think? After all I already get looks because I have to see a doctor on and off or the medication that has caused issues in the past.
Today I gave in the fear is still there however something I said last week gave me pause. “Maybe the reason I haven’t tried in a while isn’t because I suddenly want to live. Maybe it is because […]
‘To Write Love on Her Arms’ Its so funny cause I was banned from the mall I went too to after pulling a knife out on somebody
written by Now22andahalf
Long story short,I thought I could do anything I want,I thought everybody was faries and vampires and I thought I was in a dream….anyways this was when somebody laced the drugs I bought. I know Karma right?
But im just here to share a cool brand I found at the mall called ‘To write love on her arms’ it was a sweater on clearance and I just googled it and guess what? Its a sucuide project reach out thing….
The store was zumies
http://www.zumiez.com/brands/to-write-love-on-her-arms.html
https://www.facebook.com/towriteloveonherarms
But I really did go to a jail but was eventually put in the hospital cause they saw I needed […]
It’s been such a long time
Since I’ve felt this stinging sensation
Of ice cold metal and lurid fascination.
Deep down inside, I know it’s wrong of me.
But you don’t see, and that’s okay.
Where do you go from here?
When there’s nowhere to go but down.
Lost within the confines of your mind.
Oh sweet insecurities and deafening possibilities
Of how everything could end…
How would you say goodbye?
To the ones who stood by your side,
Who you thought always hated you
And left you with your crippled self?
How would feel on the day
What more do you have left to say?
The […]
People say it’s life, and that whatever life throws at you, take it with ease. But then, they freak out when things do not go their way. I’m refering to my mum here, and others I have known, do the exact same thing, and it bothers me to no end. I mean, I’m not perfect, not perfect at all, but when life throws me curve balls, I try to take it. I won’t always say that I do well, but I try.
Another thing I’d like to mention is love and relationships here. I have seen the way my mum and dad treat each other. […]
Depression is killing me and its getting worst. Every morning i wake up defeated wishing i didnt wake up. Its hard to face the day without a drink or cutting into my thigh. I have no value to society i can honestly say everybody around me hates me i see the disgust in their faces counting the seconds till im gone. The only contact i have with people is being used to get drugs or take my money. I hate everything about myself my looks, personality and intelligences. I look at others thinking how great they are and how im practically invisible unnoticed maybe even […]
Well.How do I start?… Ummm . okay here it goes.Its been almost 4 months that he is gone.I loved him so much and so did he. Yes, my GUY. He died b’cuz of some heart problem. 🙁 . Im 14 years old and life seems like its going to get over.We were in a relationship for 4 years on the whole. He is everything for me.But now I miss him. And I feel like dying . It hurts to know that he is no more, i wanna go away with him.And before he died we fought the other day. He asked me whether I could […]
Strength. Courage. Love. Happiness.
I thought I was strong, but these past few days have shown me otherwise. I’ve slowly been changing each and every day…and not for the better.
A few years ago, I used to be suicidal. I would only wake up in the mornings to think about death, cutting, and hatred. I hated the world around me and it hated me back. I had accepted that. I got no support from friends or family surrounding me so I had learned to depend on only myself. It took a few years, but I was able to get past all this. I had finally believed that I […]
I thought I was past this, I thought she was gone, or at least frozen for a while.
I’d been content (never happy) for a while, but all suddenly again the world is dark.
It makes me cry to look at my face, to look at my body, gives me hope when i cause myself pain,
each thought containing something that may lead to happiness is tainted.
Each opportunity handed to me, each gift of love shared with me I care little for and ruin.
I feel worthless, I feel ashamed, this is the 19th night in a row i’ve cried.
Im so much more ugly when I cry too.
God why […]
so.. tomorrow I’m turning 28.. I guess this is like journalling to me.. with the hopes someone out there actually gives a shit..
but I’ve had a long story with depression and stuff.. and I think I’m finally coming around the bend.. kids.. take note.. I just recently broke up w my gf.. I went fkin psycho on her like most of my ex girlfriends.. and it was going so good and she was so nice.. very beautiful.. and we both liked to hang out and party and drink.. she was pretty much the perfect companion.. well good enough for now.. and I fucked it all […]
I wish this life would through me a little hope im really drowning and don’t see a way out but this. I dont see a point of living anymore. I met the women i saw in dreams for many years I was suppose to marry and it was awful but great to cause I loved her so much and she did me to but then bad things after bad things kept happening and she dumped me after 2 and half years together. We had planned on getting married but couldn’t cause im on disability for brain and mental problems i have and if we got […]
i do not belong, in this world full of love, it’s easy to think things could all get better. trapped in the soul of the devil, consumed by his love for death it turns to be mine. the blade hungers for my skin, i hunger for the feel, it bites me deep and i smile with enjoyment. i can no longer cut as mother searches my body for new wounds of hate, the ashamed look in her eyes, WHY, WHY DO YOU CARE, you never cared for i, till you saw i wanted to die, none did. so instead i turn to pills lots of […]
I feel like I Cant live without you.
I’ve pushed and pushed people away just cause I’m afraid.
Why’d you have to go?
I miss you so bad its not even funny anymore.
People find me pathetic for missing you after 8 months.
But i don’t care, cause they din’t know how wonderful you were.
I’m sorry, I always blamed you.
When you should have blamed me.
I miss you so badly.
I should have realized it when you were here.
But now that you don’t want me anymore its feel worst then […]
I just spent 3 hours reading through old journal entries and here is one I thought I’d post up.
January 15, 2008
I know that I shouldn’t try so hard to make myself happy. The fact is that I know time is running out. I don’t have much time to do the things that I need to do. So I rush and rush and I rush. Maybe a little too fast. And maybe, yes..a little too much. All I have to show for it is a broken back, a broken heart, and a broken mind. There is no familiarity..
There is no loyalty and there is […]
Okay, so nearly six months ago, I was extremely lucky to find an awesome girlfriend. She’s beautiful, smart, funny, caring, the lot. But, she has a few major shortfalls. One: she can’t deal with my depression or bi-polar very well at all. Two: she shuts down when I try to talk to her (I.E. she tries incredibly hard to either swap topic or turn it into something else) and three: she doesn’t like the fact that I smoke (she fucking hates it more than I hate me).
Anyways, I very rarely see her these days because her schoolwork is absolutely ridiculous. She’s only in year […]
2 years clean and i finally broke down. Â My wrists have so many scars on them its….its funny…
I claimed insanity today..I cut my arms and laughed as the blood slowly came out. I threw my head back and laughed.
I dont cut deep enough to drip blood..just enough to leave a mark.
closed my eyes and keep picturing me as a little kid. running through the grass with my arms open wide my head held high…laughing
I posted my picture of my cuts because to me its a pretty picture..but no one else thinks so…their all mad at me and it just makes me cut more.
ask me why […]