It’s incredible to think that I have to stop here. But the pain is overwhelming. I am afraid of being alone. Too afraid. I have no family. I was abandoned by my parents when I was 6 and I never saw them again. Right now I have a GF who abuses me psychologically, she is a drug addict who cheats on me and I cannot leave her because I am too scared of being alone. Loneliness is my handicap and I can’t take it anymore. I have no self respect to say NO and way too much resentment towards her to be able to solve […]
Tag:
Love
~Broken~
When will you learn?
That I am not always going to be there
For you to vent you’re anger on,
That I am not a toy to you,
And you will push me to the brink
I will hurt, over and over,
Cutting deeper and deeper
Until everything in me is ruined,
Until I have hurt so much it isn’t possible to hurt any more.
When will you try?
To help me
To stop hurting me
To make me feel like I was supposed to be born
To help me not be afraid
Of you,
Of trusting you,
Of loving you,
’cause I can’t survive the destroying of my heart
I won’t always be able to pick up the pieces,
To mold them […]
the warm fuzzy feeling i had last week didn’t last too long. the feeling that maybe life isn’t such a bad thing and maybe there was hope for the future. my talent for self sabotage rears its head again. it is a talent rooted in self protection. always waiting for the other shoe to drop. no good deed goes unpunished so to speak. if i feel good about myself and life karma always seems to find a way to kick me in the ass. i tell you god is one twisted mofo. but as i am constantly reminded i am still here. can’t be all […]
.I feel so depressed, I feel like i’m becoming emotionally and physically weaker! I just feel so dull and sick that I don’t even want to wake up in the mornings and feel like i have no hope :'( No one accepts me the way i am and I have become a bit boring since my depression. Idk if its because of that or not though…=( Gahh sorry for being dramatic but i feel very bad nowadays I’ve been lonelier than ever before as my self-proclaimed “best friends” don’t even message me or call me or anything. I understand that I go to a different […]
i love to hear the sound of your pain
i love the feel of the blood in your veins
your heart beats at an elevated rate
do you think you can escape?
inside these walls i rein supreme
i can torture you in any way i dream
its not so different from what you did to me
so mother fucker i want to hear you scream!!!!!
you beat me and hurt me
you twisted and turned me
i was your pawn and now im king
so fight the matador in his ring
whats that you say?
your sorry?
a little late for a sob story
The guy i’ve been in love with for the past year is my everything.. but recently he completely changed!! hes continuously hurt me over and over again. Then recently.. i attempted to kill myself and he texted my sister saying this ” ahaha well you should really come out!! come on i’ll help make sure you have a good time, your sisters saying she’s gonna kill herself can u call her? ugh such a buzz kill! dont tell her i said that” and then continues on to beg my sister who is his exact age to come out to eden with him and his friends. […]
I still remember the times when nothing is too complicated (except for math) or too morbid. But now, look at my life. I like heavy metal and the colour black. I write poems that revolve around the theme death. I just came out of depression. And I want it back.
To say the truth, I came from a ‘perfect’ family. My dad has a good job, my mum loves all three of us and we siblings get along with each other almost all of the time. I get somewhat alright grades, around A to B usually, and I am in the school track team. Our whole […]
But really I don’t!I wish I did, and people tell me they are, and it seems that people want to talk to me, but I am alone. See I wanted to tell you, I have no friends! I live my life, and I know people, and those people talk to me, But they don’t care.What they care about is their ego, or their agenda. They don’t care about me or my problems.
There is this one girl. Who I like very much, and who I can sometimes confide in.
But I am that guy. That guy who is her friend. She doesn’t want to confide in me.
But […]
To all of my SP friends, please stay strong and be safe during your difficult moments. People do care about you and love you. Don’t give up hope.
Dave
I’ve been visiting this site for the past few days, and have been wondering why. Why am I here? Why am I reading other peoples’ stories? Do I want to post my story? Do I get some sort of kink out of the misery of others? Do I enjoy other peoples’ pain? Do I hope that I might be able to sympathize or empathize with them? Why? The reason I post this now is because I think I now know.
Is there anyone out there like me?
I’ve been wanting to die for six years now and have attempted suicide seventeen times, but that’s not want I […]
My husband is going out into the field for four days tomorrow. I feel as though this is my time to go. I will have enough time to think, write letters, and make arrangements. More things happen every day to remind me that I am not meant to be here, to be alive. There is no point. No one will miss me for long, people will move on. Like they always do. They can survive without me and I think it would be a mistake for me to survive any longer. I have no talents, no friends, no love, and absolutely no control over my […]
If everytime I message her, I feel high, then what does it mean? What if it brings me out of numbness. What if after our talks, I end up feeling like shit. We come back to my old rants about love. I thought Nycolle was my drug, yet I just felt worse and worse the whole time.
Lucky for me there are people here who most highly likely feel the same about this kind of situation. But, the problem is my lack of long term solutions for this problem. What can I do? After breaking off what little we had? People from here tell me not […]
I used to care about the knowing but there comes a point where you realize that is a hill and you will never see the top.
I used to care about the understanding but that is just the knowings evil twin brother.
I used to care about the love but love showed me its other side called betraying.
I tried to end it all but in even that I only found failure and pain.
I reached out for help and was told to ‘fake it till you make it’ Â but the making never came…
I tried all the pills and the talk and was only fuzzy and gray.
I learned finally […]
I gave up something that made me live
My heart it beats in tiny tiny pieces
I hope you know that I can’t give you all of it
Would they miss me if I left forever?
Why don’t they care?
Why do they laugh at me?
Why do they judge me?
Why does my past define me?
Why can’t I look past these scars?
Why do I cut?
Why don’t I belong?
Why can’t I be loved?
Why isn’t anyone stopping me?
Why am I still here?
I don’t wanna wait anymore.
Don’t lie to me telling me I’m pretty, don’t tell me it’s gonna be okay. The only thing stopping me from it is how I’m gonna do it. But don’t mind me. I know you don’t care. Because every time I tried to reach out and talk you shut me down and told me to stop talking about this shit. I apologize. Soon you won’t have to worry about this. 15 years, I made it 15 years, alone, abandoned and rejected. Nothing but a disappointment. I don’t belong anywhere. I don’t know what love feels like. I don’t know what it’s like to be wanted. […]
Why have I not crumbled, why have I not cracked? I feel myself deteriorating.. Everyday I swear I won’t get out of bed, and everyday I swear I’m going to cry myself to sleep. I swear each day will be my last, but guess what? It never is. I push through & I survive… & so do you. Spend a few minutes reading this & you will continue to survive…
-Take a big breath in…Now let it out.
-Do something that makes you smile (listen to music, sports, art, ect.)
-Take a piece of paper & write “I will smile again” because guess what? I promise you will.
-Keep […]
I’m the youngest of seven kids. The baby, the brat, the drama queen, the outcast.. you name it, they’ve called me it. Everybody says it’s just because they’re my older siblings and they’re suppose to tease me, but this goes beyond that. They’ve hurt me physically, emotionally, verbally.. Once again, you name it, they’ve done it. I worshiped the ground my second oldest brother walked on. He was my hero and my idol. He spit in my face when his girlfriend came along. He left me with my drug addict mother who let her boyfriend and her ‘customers’ do whatever they wanted to me. She knew, and […]
I’m sick of crying all the time. I wish the tears would Stop. Can’t you see I’m not fine?! I have looked for love and acceptance everywhere but I’ve only been JUDGED. The most horrible thing is when you’re judged by that person you love unconditionally. They hate being seen with you in public and avoid you when you’re going through a tough time. I have nobody else to turn to. I just cannot remove this mask to others. My mind is clouded with self depreciating thoughts. I just don’t want to live anymore.
He’s…expecting.
Josh is expecting a baby with her…
If you’ve read my other stuff about Josh, you’d know that he’s the one I’ve been in love with since I was 15 years old and was my best friend since I was 12. The one that told me he’d always love me and cried when I had to leave. The one that used to lay out with me and watch the stars burn.
They’ve been dating for three years, but it never really hit me that they were serious. I never thought he’d have a child with her..and not me. He always gave me the impression that […]