It really surprises me how my mood can go from being OK (I wasn’t entirely happy) to  me feeling like utter scum. I started talking more in lunch and fifth period and I usually don’t talk so whenever I do I feel like people just look at me like “why do you even open?” because of the looks they give me, but that doesn’t bother me that much compared to talking to the people you like because it feels like “am I annoying to you?”  I don’t know maybe school’s just another trigger for me but I feel like “look at all these people probably […]
Tag:
Lunch
Donna calls politely
Over the loudspeaker
Lunch is ready
Line up in front
If you have a chore
Oddly the sports section
Is here on the table
Crown Vic’s went new
Its full page ad reads
Just $18,6 in March of ’94
Two vets planning to buy
A couple of scratch-offs
Walking laps 13 to a mile
They’ll go together
On the way home
Sometimes, i just need somebody to talk to. Nobody is really there for me. I think it’s because when i get bullied, they dont want to be my friend or stick up for me, so they dont get bullied. I have to go through it everyday. Walking to school, in school, at lunch, walking home. and on the internet. I dont know why people dont like me. I guess its just something wrong with me. I dont know. I dont really have any reason of living. I constantly think of suicide. I have been since the sixth grade. Im in 9th grade now. I just […]
I am not skinny. I am not fat. I am not pretty. I am not ugly. I am not mean. I am not nice. I am not popular. I am not unpopular. I am not weird. I am not normal. I am not social. I not quiet. I am not liked. I am not disliked. I am not happy. I am not angry. I only identify as one thing; sad. That’s it. Why? I am tired. I am sick (recently diagnosed with heart problems). I have no real friends left. I have no caring family. Why? I never did anything, to anyone. I used to […]
Sooo, I have a new crush. His name is Austin. God, he is so cute. He has blonde hair, a six pack, braces (I like braces, for some reason), and I think he has blue eyes. I went to my friend’s house yesterday, and it was her brother’s birthday. He had some friends over, and Austin was one of them. We played football, did random stupid stuff, and I had a lot of fun with him. I swear he was flirting. He insulted my favorite video game, started to tease me slightly, and then ran away. I chased him around, too. I can run a […]
Face it, friends want something. Whether it’s companionship, belonging, someone to talk to, someone to drive them home when they’re piss drunk, someone to borrow money from, someone to move furniture for free, or whatever, they want something. A successful friendship is based on a fair balance of giving & receiving these things. But some of us don’t want and don’t need any of those things. As a result we end up giving everything and receiving nothing. Friends serve no logical purpose. Oh but try going through life without friends and society labels you a freakshow, a misanthrope, a socially maladjusted head case. So every […]
So I’ve started with medication since thursday. I take Rubió (better known as Ritalin or methylphenidate/MPH/MPD) 5mg twice a day (at 8.30 am and at 12.30 pm) always after my meal. But since thursday I feel really sick. My stomach hurts (not my belly, but my tummy) and my intestine also, it feels like it’s kind of restless. I also feel the whole time like I have to vomit. I only eat my breakfast and lunch and dinner, and take my medication after my meals. I have a very bad headache and I’m scared that I can pass out every minute. Does anybody here have […]
Recently I have been eating just like everyone else but making myself vomit after I have been doing this for the past week. I am developing bulimia… I can’t eat  now with out wanting or needing too throw up. I noticed tonight at dinner that I was starting off lightly on the food and towards the end I was stuffing my face and then going to the bathroom right after. This afternoon before lunch I stuffed my face with food and then throwing up shortly after. I haven’t been cutting but instead throwing up. I do not like how every time I eat all I […]
I’m 17 years old and my mom is getting remarried for the 3rd time in 3 days. I hardly know the guy. He’s moving into our home and i’m  not thrilled. step parents always try and act like they’re your own parents and it’s bullshit. My dad is the only one who understands me. ONLY one.  He’s on drugs as always, who knows where.  I’ve had depression and wanted to kill myself ever since summer after 5th grade. I still don’t know what caused it. Probably just the manic depression,anxiety and bipolar that runs in both sides of my family finally kicked in my system. […]
I feel desolate. My mind has lost all of the positive light it had gained within the past 2 weeks. Well, I’m here again, at the same place I was a few years ago. I’m supposedly back on the right path, doing everything right or so they say. I’m constantly busy, tired, and thoroughly occupied each day. Between work, school, and training for my next racing season, you’d think there wouldn’t be any time for my depression to suffocate me, right? Wrong. I’ve been suffering so badly lately and I’m sure it’s only going to get worse as the holidays are circling around me. I […]
I’ve been cutting myself more and more recently and i am becoming addicted to it. At work today all i could think about was getting home for lunch and cutting myself! So thats what i did, on my ankle, Â and it felt so much better! But it hurts like fuck now and every time i walk the wound opens up and starts to bleed again. The worst thing is i like to see the cut, i like to look at it as if it is an achievement or something! I really think i’m becoming addicted! I was convinced to through away my razors so i […]
I don’t think I can do this anymore. I thought this would be a fresh start but the same things hit me over and over again. I’m on medication but it doesn’t seem to help and I’m broke, so broke I can’t afford to continue. I can’t focus or concentrate on what needs to get done. Right now, that’s my assignments. My lecturers have extended deadlines but I still can’t go through the hurdles.
My friends are frustrated with me. They just want me to get the work over and done with. But I can’t. I don’t understand the things I read anymore and soon I […]
haven’t posted on here in forever but I guess that’s good. I don’t know.
This one guy who I had a thing for last year but never really talked to (it’s a rather long story) well he sits a few seats over from me at lunch. and my friend spilled my water all over and he was cleaning it up and the guy asked me if I was going to use my paper bag (don’t ask me how that would help clean up the mess I really don’t know.) then he quickly added “I mean besides suffocating yourself. I know you want to kill yourself […]
Life is so impossible. I mean you look at other people, and their lives seem so great. But then I think about myself…I have nothing to live for. The feeling of worthlessness and feeling inadequate follows me everywhere.
Is it fated that I won’t be happy? All I really want is to be happy. I’m hung in a bad place, where I can’t get down from and the outlook is horrid.
And all the stories you can say, All the ways that you deceive, Will never stop me getting through, I will fight my way to you….
by Nat....
written by Nat....
So this week has been pure shit. I mean, Suicidal thinking shit. Obviously.
First, I just haven’t been my self this week. I’ve been a blend of the the bad Nat’s that we know and love :3 Secondly, Thursday was 27/9/12 (The ‘day’ that the voices have been talking about for months) Nothing bad happened on that day because I didn’t go into school… Friday however was by far the worst day of the week.
So Friday- Woke up feeling okay, did all my routines. Did break down a bit third lesson but I brought myself back from it. Cue fourth lesson. I got a facebook message […]
Who am i?
All of you are thinking it.
“Who is that kid?
The one that killed himself,
I think I’ve seen him before,
But I’m not sure.”
Let me put your minds at ease.
You have all seen me.
Ive always been here.
I’m the kid in the back seat of the class.
I’m the kid that you see eating lunch alone in the hall.
I’m the kid you whisper about as you walk by.
The kid that teachers never punish.
Because they’re scared of me too.
I’ve always been there,
Watching, silently.
Its funny that after only one year,
I’ve already developed my final opinions of you.
There are those of you out there that can rest easy.
My death is not […]
We have off campus lunch so I go home and pop pills for lunch. I take some in the morning before I go to school, and I take them before I go to bed. I just found some codeine in my moms drawer. This is the only thing I like about living here.
I just got into high school and it has over 2,000 kids and all i feel is alone. I’m a middle child and my younger sister has autism and my brother is a huge sports star. my parents never have time for me and the only time we ever talk is when they are yelling about my grades even though they know I’m dyslexic and try as hard as i can. all through middle school I struggled with getting beat up and failing classes because i couldn’t keep up. Every day i struggle with suicide to this day i cut my self on a regular […]
what happens when your family is not there for you that the betray you… after my dad died and my brother moved out of the house i was left all alone with my mom and her Borderline Personality Disorder things changed big time we started fighting a lot more and things were not getting better I started cutting myself for a cry of help when the school therapist found out i stopped and they got CPS in to the picture a year later now that they are gone we have been seeing a family therapist once a week and i would show my arms so […]
I used to have a few really good friends that i go to school with. They’ve either moved or we’ve had a falling out. Now i’m stuck by myself, with no one to go to… Today was the first day of senior year. It’s supposed to be the best year of your teenage years, right? Well. I could tell you otherwise. I walk in the class.. and i’m alone. Everyone’s in their own little cliques and i’m sitting in the back, alone. I’m not the most outgoing girl ever, i’ve been this way since i can remember… always the “quiet girl”. I didn’t really know […]