I was deployed to Afghanistan in 2010 as a Lance Corporal in the U.S. Marines. L0ng story short I came back with PTSD and Depression. For me that meant nightmares, fear of public spaces, panic attacks, insomnia, hyper vigilance, anger and flashbacks along with everything that comes with depression. 2011 is when I started to get suicidal and went into the VA ( Veterans Affairs) the first time in September for a week and again in October for about a week. They didn’t fix anything they just gave me a nice cocktail of meds to keep in a zombie like state. Living like that sucks. […]
I’ve got a roommate that I love dearly. Keep in mind, I knew that he didn’t want to marry me, he claimed is was just his friend. He’s was not in the best of health, and I’ve done things for him that only medical people would do; enemas, insulin shots, emptied urinals. I’ve even handled his mail and banking when he’s in the hospital. Now, after 15 years, his health is better, and he’s going back to his old self, screwing any female that looks like a stripper.
But this man, whom I love dearly, doesn’t love me. We got into a hell of a fight. I’m […]
I just turned 50 and have been married for 6 years on my second marriage. I lost my job due to a downturn in my industry 18 months ago and have been doing low paid work just to make ends meet since then. Basically my wage has been reduced by 75% and we are finding it hard to make ends meet. My wife married me when I was doing ok and now she has to work even harder herself and I cant give her any nice things or holidays like we used to. I don’t know when or if I will ever get back into […]
I recently came to the conclusion, maybe I don’t need to end my life I just need a new one. How would this work?
Get separated.
Move.
Use gov. assistance to pay for daycare & actually get a degree and job.
Actually stand on my own for once.
Well, f!ck me apparently. There’s really not such a thing as separation in Nebraska. I would still have to do all the steps for a divorce, which I can’t afford and neither can my husband. I’m stuck in a marriage I don’t want to be in. I have been screwing another guy for 6 months now…..I don’t think I could want any […]
Generally my feelings of wanting to be dead are not linked to any kind of self-loathing at all, that’s how it was for years at least. Basically I just didn’t want to be here anymore. Once I turned 20 that changed though.
I was forced to drop out of college. One of the classes I was taking was self-paced (no problem) but the book answers were wrong when it came to test time. I pointed this out to the teacher who argued “you’re doing the lessons too fast it should take you two weeks to do a chapter.” to which I retorted “I took self paced […]
I got married about 22 years ago. Since day one I looked after my wife with love and affection. I am 5’11” and she is just under 5′. I have suffered all thru’ my life due to uncaring siblings and parents. Thus when i got married I took liking to this girl that played a perfect game to get me married to her. Once after marriage, her games began almost as soon as the marriage was over. She back stabbed me all the time, with her brother […]
Hello, my name is Zach. I stumbled upon this site and I figured I would post my story here as well, hopefully It may help someone. So anyways, this story is about my step brother Max. Max was a wonderful and caring boy, he had a deep passion for art and liked to skateboard with his friends at the local skatepark. Seemed like the perfect kid right? But the sad truth is, much like many young people in america, he suffered from major depression. To my knowledge he was not bullied or anything in high school, His parents got divorced but it seemed to be […]
My life is hell. Â No, I’m not your average guy, and no I’m not looking for attention. Â I’m considering suicide. Â I love my kids, so I have found a way to get through today. Â My wife is driving me insane. Â We fight.. Â dirty.. Â I say things I know hurt her she says things to hurt me, wow how human.. Â however, Â I recant my mean and thoughtless words, and back up my recant with actions. Â I show her what I said is not true. Â On good days I chase her like a school boy and his first crush.. Â I love her madly.. Â she never recants. […]
When a person is born … what is the purpose behind that birth??? What is the purpose behind mine???? Am I just born to nearly get everything one can want and have it snatched away from me in a second??? being born with calcium deficiency and convulsions… since then it has always been a struggle… I would have died then and there but mom sells her assets to save me… but for what ??? to torture me when i grow up… to prove that i am a mistake in her life… when i din’t have an issue with her marriage… why the sudden change from […]
Trust is a powerful word and most don’t even realize it but i learned through to many experiences that no one in this world can be 100% trusted. I trusted a group of people from a small town i used to live in and look where that got me…it ended up with me getting bullied day in and day out i trusted every girlfriend i have ever had and look ive been cheated on and used or the bullshit brake up lines like ” its not you its me ” and always over text or by Facebook. I know that their are other people in […]
So here’s the thing.
Oct 3rd is when I get married and its coming up pretty fast. I know this should be a grandest time in my life but the truth is, I am just not that happy about it.
The man I am marrying is the greatest, generous person in the world. He really is just that wonderful.
But I cheated on him. :\
I am not going to make excuses for what I have done because I was fully aware of what I was doing and wanted to do.
I can honestly say I have never been a cheater. Even with all the shitty ass boyfriends I went […]
So apparently I should be doing something with my life. Yeah, cause chasing after the wind makes perfect sense. Work a job I don’t wanna work at and make money that I could really care less about. This life is chasing after false hopes and dreams. Why are we even here? I don’t get it. Apparently to live this human experience I suppose. But there’s nothing that the world has to offer me. I don’t care about anything. I’m just accustomed to waking up, eating, taking a shit and repeat. Play some candy crush and drown myself in music, that’s life for me. […]
I’ve recently started truly considering ending things.
I met the woman of my dreams and fell head over heels in love with her. She was beautiful and amazing and felt like the woman I felt I deserved. So like an idiot I rushed foolishly into marriage with her. And immediately after getting married she changed into a totally different person. She started having conversations on her phone with guys talking about how they wanted to hook up with her and she would go along with it. So we ended up arguing and fighting about it but she took it way beyond just a fight. So she […]
I have been married for 25 years to the love of my life.Three months ago I was diagnosed with non small cancer of the lung and mets to the brain. Inoperable. One week later i found out my wife has been having an affair for three years. when I confronted her about it she told me she did not love me and has not most of our marriage. She stayed because I was a great provider and safe choice. she told me she has had six affairs in all. I am a broken man. She will not even take me to my chemo treatments. I […]
I’m done. I can’t believe I have to keep waking up for the next… what? How long? I don’t know what is going to happen with my marriage or anything else. I don’t know how my … self… is going to affect my kids. How long am I going to just be getting from one end of the day to the other? I don’t want to say it’s unfair, because no one’s inflicting it on me. I don’t know how God works, but I know God doesn’t work like this. Personal freedoms, free-will, poor choices, poor judgment.. Tendencies toward self destruction, self harm, self abuse. […]
I am praying that I don’t wake up in the morning. I usually do this each night before I go to bed now. I don’t yet have the courage to end things myself but I keep thinking each day I will get braver. I know why I want to end my life would seem rediculas to many. silly.. but the pain my heart and mind are in is unbearable to me. I do not want to hear it will get better. that I will heal that there is other options or that someone out there cares. or will love me. I can not even begin […]
My ex husband walked out on me because of my severe mental illness that happened 6 years into our 8 year marriage. He left me for being sick. For trying to get help. I has to leave my son for a month to try and get help. I thought I was doing good and so was our marriage for the month before he left. I wasn’t cutting and I was happy and didn’t want to die. He walked out on us.
Now I’m married again and I don’t feel my husband is attracted to me. He accepts my mental illness because he has it too. My […]
Again, it’s me.
I figure I should do a re-cap just so no one gets lost.
My father abandoned my mother and I when I was five months old.
My mother met a new guy when I was four and I caught them having sex. Since that night, she made me watch and take part in sexual activities.
My mother moved me twelve hours away from my last piece of sanity and put me through hell with that new guy.
When I was eight my mother and I were out of a house so she shipped me off to my fathers.
While living with my […]
So before I start talking, I guess I’ll say a small bit about my self. I’m 15, a freshman in high school, going toward sophomore after the summer goes by like always. I’ll keep my name anon. though.
But anyways, I’ve been depressed. As a child I had a abusive father, my mother could never do anything about him hitting me or my siblings. He used to come home drunk, pretty much rape my mother and rampage when thing didn’t go his way. My brother used to touch me as a child, him being gay. I’ve never told my mother, I just forgotten about it and […]
well here i am, high sitting here alone. thinking. thinking about the status of my marriage, thinking about life and death. thinking can life really get better for me after all these years? you said that you weren’t going to give up. i assume you were implying i shouldn’t either. that of course depends on who wins the ongoing battle in my head. the rational me knows that killing myself isn’t right. but that isn’t the problem. its the pro-death voice in my head who has been the chatty one these last few months. she knows which buttons to push. she increasingly doesn’t care about […]
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