so fucking tired having to wake up at 6 am and basically run up and down stairs all day I’m mentally and physically drained plus i don’t really want to be alive but I ain’t really got a choice right now and now il feel guilty if I try again but it’s only a matter of time I guess I just hope I get it right next time unless things magically get better which I don’t think is going to happen so I’m kind of I’m limbo again
how’s everyone in suicide club today ?
I don’t understand why I should live and I wish I was never born so that I don’t have to go through anything. You may call me a coward but to be very honest I really am jealous of miscarried children. I wish I were them rn. And I don’t care anymore about other people and how they feel nor do I care about what possible future I can bring. If I’m dead then they wouldn’t matter much to me. So if you do know the purpose of life then do tell me because I just don’t know anymore.
so right now I can’t die haven’t got the right method found the location equipment etc don’t want to live like this no more depressed anxious putting on weight suicidal proberly won’t sleep from insomnia bla bla bla can life get any shitter Oh yes it can just a matter of time before God give me that kick in the teeth to try harder why couldn’t of the overdose worked I feel as if I’m going to be pushed to a method which I don’t want to do but feel I have no choice
I’m from England but it seems everybody else on here is American? I don’t even know if I’ll stay on this site. For now I’m just using it as a ranting place. My mum finally let me keep my own tablets. I’m scared because sometimes I get so depressed that I have moments where I feel like nothing is real, like I don’t really exist so it wouldn’t matter if I died. If it happens again, I don’t want to fail again. Maybe I should jump instead.
So, I just got back from a trip. Had a good time, plenty of laughs, discussed future goals, dreams and what not. Ate good food, spend time with her. Made new things, punched other things, they remade said punched things.
Good times right?
right…
I mean, that is what they should be right…
good… times…
…
And then as if of nowhere it just happens…
… you know what it is…
That happens…
And you keep telling yourself that you got this, that this is not going to get you…
That you are bigger than it.
But are you?
Are you really?
Can you stand in front of it, and say it?
And then it happens again.
Like always..
As if […]
At first, I unfriended him from facebook, and that hurt. And it’s not that I don’t want to be friends with him. It’s that it hurts too much that I can be so easily replaced and forgotten. But then I deactivated my page. He won’t notice I’m gone. After almost a year and always giving him everything, I don’t fucking matter at all. All that fucking matters to him is someone being under 100 lbs when he’s 300 lbs himself.
I want to fucking kill myself. Half because of him and knowing I’ll always be alone and half because I’m embarrassed to be so fucking ugly […]
When life has tainted you, it’s permanent. No matter how hard you try to change or deal with whatever issues it caused it doesn’t go away, because it is now part of who you are. At least that’s the case with me I can’t necessarily speak for others when it comes to this. I was sexually molested as a child and growing up all through my life. Not constant but there were intermittent instances and only 2 were more serious cases. I try to ignore the fact that it happened I never really think of it and I continue with my life. But the truth […]
My best friend recently quit university and went to rehab because of her depression/social anxiety. I wish I had the ability to just do that, I wish I had parents who took me seriously. Then again, I can’t blame them, since I have a brother who fought epilepsy for years and is still recovering. They already have one problematic child to take care of. I have to just shut up, I guess.
Also, my best friend isn’t answering my messages, or anyone’s for that matter. I have lost the only person that helped me get through my darkest times. There’s no one else to trust.
What’s the point
We are going to die
So why does it matter
Does anything actually matter
I should end it quicker
I make no difference to anyone
There’s nothing left to be happy about anymore
I am going to die anyway
And then maybe they would realize how bad my mental state has become and maybe they could help.
Unfortunately, due to my shitty personality (filled with ego and thinking I know what’s best) outside help hasn’t really helped me in the past.
It won’t matter if I end it all, it’s the best solution because that’s what I think :p
The Gritty Truth Of Reality:
An Essay by A.O.
Why am I here? Why do I exist? Questions asked by most people. The answers range from a spiritual, God put you here..), to the scientific explanation of evolution of organisms. The obvious truth. The only sure answer. You are here because your parents fucked. Whether intentional or not, planned or not, your fathers sperm fertilized your mothers egg. Now you exist.
But, where did we come from? Like people in general? Where does it begin? This is a follow up, to the previous question. Now every religion and scientists have a lengthy answer that leaves so many […]
There were many indications and hints long ago that something is off about me. There was a big fear that this thing that I call a life would never function like it is suppose to. Did anyone help? I don’t feel like they did but knowing how delusional I can be with my mind only thinking so negatively, they probably did.
Was it it helpful, I can easily say that no it didn’t really help me. Here I am years later with all of my issues amplified with new ones created. All of these problems coupled with the lack of energy that holds me down every […]
I was wondering if there was anyone who can relate to this:
You’d think that after so much shit in this world, and the major issues that piss you off, that the little things don’t matter anymore.
But for me its the opposite:
I get pissed off and angrier or sadder if sudden tinier obstacles come along my way.
Which I don’t expect at all. I mean, larger issues bother me to no end, but you’d think that after a while we build a tolerance to these larger problems and we become oblivious to the tinier things But nope, the smaller issues become the most frustrating, at this point.
Tell me […]
http://thoughtcatalog.com/brad-pike/2013/11/do-ugly-people-have-any-value-at-all-2/
I don’t know why I dwell on my perpetual dateless more than my other issues. Maybe it’s because I get reminders of it everywhere. I don’t think im ugly just an unattractive. Its the same distinction between impoverished and broke. I’ve been working out but yesterday i tweaked my back in the gym. When i went to see Deadpool I saw reminders of someone i love(d) that I will never see again. I realize that my first love is my last love because I’m too shy/scared/unattractive to find someone.
Why does it feel
that Mr. sharp
is the only one
that loves me?
Why is he
the only one
that is able
to make me forget?
the only one that
makes me feel like
i matter?
do i really?
why does it
feel so
good
when my skin
rips open?
Why do
I crave to feel the
pain that he
leaves behind?
I know.
because its the
only thing
reminding me
I’m still alive.
My best friend. He died. A couple of months ago he just said he’s head was hurting and then next thing you know, he’s in the hospital. Half his brain turned off and he went into coma. Two weeks later doctors told us he would never wake up. He’d been my best friend since I was five. How could he leave? Did he not realize how he would hurt not only me but the other ones that loved him as much as I did? I don’t like trusting anyone. I know thy’ll leave me behind and that will hurt. I just know it. Yet I […]
What can I say, that hasn’t been said a thousand times?
How can I be at the end of the road, when I’m stuck in a damn round-a-bout?
Why bother doling out advice, I don’t even follow?
Does it really matter if the chicken or egg came first, when they’re both in existence now?
Does anyone really care what’s in my wallet?
So there is this girl that I like at my high school, but i am too much of a ***** to ask her out. It’s just that why would she, or anyone for that matter, want to be with someone who is suicidal? I like her a lot though and I would like to think that being with her would change that. Like hell, when I’m around her, I can’t help but smile. But always when I get home, I just start thinking, “Would anyone really miss me?” Besides, in early November, I was such an asshole to her that she stopped talking to me […]
So why does that strange feeling of loneliness is so powerful and confusing?
Lots of people here relate to it.
But sometimes we can be alone and by ourselves without it hurting us, without it even matter.
And then agaim we can be surrounded by people and yet feel we are doomed by the solitude inside us.
What is it all about? How can it make us feel so bad, so wrong, so worthless?
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