I recently started taking high doses  of Lortab,and I take about 4 or 5. Damn, Its nice. Its like all the voices stop for a couple hours and I can just enjoy the silence. The come down is horrible. Its not the pills its the fact that I am addicted to medicine I shouldn’t even be taking. Now Im stuck thinking about what happens when I run out. I wish I would never taken those wonderful fucking horrible things.Now the shame sets in , and that makes me want to take some that much more
Tag:
Medicine
Im out of my meds, and havent taken them for a couple of days, and im freaking the hell out. I need my fucking zolft . I feel like im trying to swollow a fucking knife right now, I want to cry , can you belive that? Im a guy im not supposed to cry, im supposed to just lock that shit away but with out drugs im fucked. I feel like ripping of my face or throwing everything on the floor and re-organize for hours(last time I arranged the house for 2 fucking days) Fuck OCD and Fuck depression and Fuck anxiety. I am […]
Hi. I’m 25, female and I’m suicidial.
I’ve had thoughts of suicide almost all of my teenaged years till now, but now I’m going through something that’s completely broken me and made me lose hope in everything. I have no one physically that I can talk to. But I feel like the only way out of this is to kill myself.
I’m a cutter, and the only thing I’ve been thinking about lately is slitting my wrists. I think about it all the time. About how I could enjoy my last bottle of wine, take the surgical blade from my medicine kit and slice downward my arms […]
Well it wasn’t until about a couple months ago that I found  out I had Asperger’s autism. In some ways it doesn’t bother me, in fact I like knowing so I can get help but on the other hand now that I know that changes some ways I see life. I was told that I might never be able to drive a car because of my lack of a sense of direction. Now I have always been afraid of the idea of me driving. To many risks. I know now that I can relearn things but even with years of therapy and being included in many social gathers […]
The days for me are far too long
I am weak and you are strong.
My sadness hidden with all the shame
You and I are not the same.
As the sun rises you clap your hands
All I do is breathe and stand
As I awake from my exit,
And wonder why it did not fix it.
I close my eyes
Imagine a place
Where loved ones lost are face to face
The days for me are far too long
All energy is long but gone.
So I take the pain away
With the medicine the doctor gave.
My heart slows down
The pumping […]
A few days ago I lost my head again. It really gets more frequent. It always starts with the truth. The truth about who I am inside and out. It’s why I cry. Because I’ve worked so hard to try and fix myself. Then I realize I’m unfixable. I’m hard-corded. For the first time in quite awhile I want to know why my bio mother did not abort me instead of abandoning me. They really are quite the same. She doesn’t get to see me. And never will. If she saw the person I am and m becoming each year. She may realize the truth […]
My name is Brittnee and I am 20 years old! I have been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and sentenced to a life of medication and therapist analyzing my every thought and move! I have been a cutter for 6 years and after my recent suicide attempt my parents made me move back home and my mother does a ~fresh cut check~ every single night. That’s where I have to go into her room and strip down to my bra and panties and she checks my body for new cuts! It’s humiliating. If I do have new cuts I am taken to the behavioral health […]
my therapist told me today that  because medicine didnt help, my depression is the fault of the way i choose to act and interpret things. so basically its all my fault im depressed. fuck the world.
So I woke up another morning. I saw my therapist this morning and told her nothing of my plans to kill myself or how bad the urge has gotten. How much I think about death. That I don’t see myself making it another month. What’s the point in counseling?? You can’t be honest…you tell them that you want to die and you will be thrown in a mental hospital which in my experience does nothing but make you wanna cut more and wanna die. I’ve done what I was supposed to do..i got “help”, I take the medicine everyday and I do all the coping […]
Just posting this if anyone decides to care: If there are any caring people left in this world.
For two years i’ve been taking Zoloft for my OCD and depression. January I was put on Lamictal for bipolar disorder. I hate it I just end up throwing up the medicine and the food in my stomach. Some therapists say this is a good thing but for a while my emotions have been fading. All I am able to do is be sad, I used to have very bad anger problems. Lately I cant even stick up for myself I finally decided to drop the medicine. I want my emotions back. With my anger […]
It just seems I cant get a break recently. After all the drama and problems last week, I find out I`ll possibly need another root canal, which my mom cant afford. Shes been slamming stuff around and crying, just upset in general. She keeps saying all I asked you to do is brush your teeth, my credit is maxed out, your dad isnt going to help and then she quits talking to me period.
Its just stressing me out..I feel horrible I keep adding all this pressure, with my appointments and medicine..I cant even get myself to cry anymore. Im sick of being a burden to […]
The thought of death sometimes gives me this warm tingly feeling inside. The thought of never having to worry about my life, or about what I am going to do with my life gives me a high. I look at knives and I cant help but pick one up…….I run my finger over the blade to feel how sharp it is, As I do that I think what would happen to my family? my friends? my boyfriend? Would I be selfish for leaving this world and leaving them behind? The pain of knowing how much it would hurt others is more painful than actually being here. I […]
Please dont feel sorry for me. I hate that. I’m only 17, I seem young to have gone through as much as I have. My life has gone to ruins. Ive been depressed for almost 4 years now. I’m bipolar adhd horrible anxiety and under weight. I take lots of medicine. But I’m tired of the life I’m living. 14 years ago my mom hung herself in a bathroom. She was addicted to cocaine and 3 men that she was buying from raped her. The doctor who did the exam on her said she wouldnt try to kill herself bqut she did. She did cocaine […]
The depression break downs I seem to experience are coming back more and more this week. Yesterday I was just so depressed I couldnt pull myself up. I got up to take my medicine and ended up just laying in the floor. It just felt like it wasnt worth getting up to survive. My fight with my dad is getting no better. Hes still choosing his wife/ex-wife (its complicated) over me. My mom keeps saying Karma comes around..he`ll regret it when hes older. Thats not good enough to me. I dont want to wait. I want him in my life now. Its just frustrating
As much as […]
Hello again –this is my second post and will be my last —this is the last month i will be alive—i can barely walk anymore and being stuck in my appt losing my mind seriously and figuratively.–m.s is a horrible disease-it doesnt kill you persay but for some like me you watch you life die infront of you and your body stops working for you and only provides pain. and you cant even hope to keep your  mind because that goes to–so to me it takes the point away from life when i cannot live it or even remember what has happend what i  did other […]
I am 23 years old. Â I have Depression and Schizophrenia and every day almost everyday I argue with my parents complaining about rejection (social and girlfriend). I am on medicine and I feel like the medicine does not work. I think about rejection and wanting a girlfriend or wife and my parents keep telling me otherwise. I don’t agree with them. I NEED ONE to survive. I need love. Back in my school years no girl would date me and to this date I have never had a girlfriend which I desperately need. Â Everyday keeps getting worse not better. Â I should have never been born […]
My father’s existance summarizes how my life has been for me in a metaphorical term. Emotional blackmail.
My father calls me 24 times a day sometimes more for very trivial things. I do them. If i don’t I know what will happen.
Trash, yard, clean, glass of water, make my food, find my shoes, shave my beard, find my clothes, mow the lawn, water the grass, find my glasses, where’s my tooth brush, let’s get groceries. You go in the store I’ll stay outside (he talks on the phone to some woman i don’t know) Oh i didn’t give you enough money? How much is the […]
It’s been 37 years next week. Â 37 years old, and never had anyone say they loved me. Â My wife was the only relationship I had, and I got into it because I was fedup of not being in a relationship and she seemed to like somethings about me.
14 years later, I realise what I have is not love. Â I want a separation and I have told her, yet my friends who I have always been there for are telling me I should “stick it out”, or that I am being obstinate. Â Today I wanted to talk to someone, anyone, tell them how I feel, […]
After surviving I realized how much I really do want to die. I seriously hate 99.9% of the world. If I don’t let my anger out soon,I’ll burst. I just have to make it to August. Counselors and medicine is bull. I just can’t wait to be dead,I feel as if I have lived my life. When people say “you’re to young to die” I stop and think,what that really means. 13 is old to me. I’m not throwing a pity party. Tell me why I’m so depressed.
Back in January, i really realized that my life really sucked. Im an overweight 15 year old girl in 9th grade. I always hated myself in middle school because it felt like i didn’t fit in with anybody. And it felt like nobody liked me. Then, the bullying started. In 7th grade =, this boy named Cameron started calling me names and pushing me in the hallways and stuff. He called me names like fat ***** and ugly hoe and stuff. He got expelled for that because someone saw what he was doing and reported it to the principle. Then in 8th […]