I have had bipolar or was diagnosed at 14 years old, i have tried many times to end my life. It has caused me to be hopitalized on more than one occasion. But not for the mental health issues but for the physical side affects. My bipolar is not controlled by meds and i do not see a phycitrist i go to my family doctor but they seem to think my personality makes me have bipolar? i did not think this was possible?. My family are very disspondent now and it is almost like her she gose again. But i am now 26 and i […]
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Hi, so I have not posted in six months or more….I want to say that things can get better. My life has turned around and I did it without meds and therapy. I have a stable job (they love me) and an agent wants to read my manuscript. It is night and day for me. I am so glad that I stuck it out, day by day even just three months ago I was still pretty hopeless. But here is the difference, I’ve read about the link between mood and creativity. It is not my fault. Yes, life […]
I thought my meds were working, It has only been a week and they seemed great. But Ive started getting the thoughts back, especially in my dreams. The anti depressant cant control my dreams which is so frustrating. My best friend who has been there through everything with me, seems to find it funny im so depressed and that now shes just being a ***** and putting me second and the guys that use her for photos first. That hurts a lot,..I just into an fight with her ..,my other best friend…well shes constantly spending time with this guy. Its just so easy […]
I’m sorry it had to be this way, I just can’t take it anymore. All aspects of my PTSD are taking over my life. I never smile anymore, and when I do it’s because I’m thinking of death.. I know this is going to hurt you, and i know you will all think I’m a selfish ungrateful monster, but I’m not. I just want to be set free, I want to be able to release the burden I carry, not to mention the burden I put on you with my meds, and hospitalization. Don’t think of this as a loss please, just think of how happy […]
I was doing very well. I applied to join the Navy, took the tests and aced them. Got told I had about a 2 year wait, ok, that’s fine. I knew that I’d fail the medical if I didn’t get off my meds soon, so I told my doctor that I wanted out because I was feeling better, and I WAS.
This was about a month ago, I suppose, although I’m not sure. Time doesn’t seem to move in the same way anymore. I’ve been driving people away, I’ve been called “inappropriate”, “offensive”… “a drunk”… I tell myself that I’ve always been the type of […]
Last weekend, I managed to paint myself into a corner. I hadn’t realized that I had run out of Geodon and Cogentin, AND I hadn’t realized that I had no refills left. Okay, no big deal, request refills on-line, they’ll call my psych on Monday, I go get them, no big deal. I just need to get from Friday night to Monday afternoon. I’ve run out of other meds before, and they always take a couple of days before I start feeling any discomfort.
Goddess save me.
I started feeling it Saturday afternoon — tremors, sleepiness, lack of coordination. By the middle of Sunday, I felt like […]
I haven’t been on in a while. For those of you who care, yes I’m still alive. I hit a new low today. I found myself smoking out a window at 2 a.m. I was supposed to quit on march 1st. I didn’t. I can’t. It’s the only thing that calms me down anymore. My 1st family therapy session turned into a complain about how much of a problem I am session. I hate this. All of this. My girlfriend is unwilling to go any further in our relationship, my parents r suspicious of my habits, I went back to cutting after 5 days s.i. […]
I wish I could smack all the people who lied to me and told me my life would get better just so that I would not kill myself. Since then my life has gotten progressively worse. I lost everything. My apt, my money, my personal possessions, went into premature labor at 6 months then lost a pregnancy for the second time in less than a year. In order to get through the day I would have to take 4 pills daily that have side effects like hair loss. weight gain (yippee) and the tendency to make me feel like a fucking zombie….I’ll pass. Death is […]
Fellow empty, twisted, depressed, and manic readers I present the following true story of a perfect example of how the “normal populous” sees us.
I was at one time attending a support group for individuals “like my self” whom suffered from severe bi polar and depression cases. on this occasion someone new brought their mother (her daughter had been to a few meetings and so her mother decided to come).
As we begin the round table of pointless discussion E.G.how was you’re last seven days blah, blah, blah.
We finally reach a single woman who is a severe bi polar like myself. She states the […]
People always say things would be better in the morning. They aren’t. I wake up and feel the same way and have the same problems. I wish i was dead. I wanted to die last night, and realized that I threw my pills down the toilet a few months ago. I stopped the meds the doctors gave me, so, I had nothing to take. They were anti depressants. I can’t even cut myself, because, I can’t stand the smell of blood. There isn’t a tall enough building around to jump off, and getting transport now is a *****. I can’t get into any of the […]
im starting to get scared. Im so sick of the constant anxious feeling and thinking that everyone thinks im disgusting and worthless and ugly and fat and useless and weird. I just dont know how to get better…Ive tried everything. The meds made me even worse and peple just dont want to acknowledge anything. I cant remember a time when I didnt feel this way. I dont want to keep going if this is all thats ahead of me. Im only 21 and already despise the thought of living until Im old. I just want it over, sooner rather than later. Nobody wants me and […]
I’m 22 and I’ve been depressed for as long as I can remember (apart from a few months
where I was generally happy). I’ve had 7 counsellors in my time and I’ve told each and
everyone of them exactly how I feel, how long I have felt it and how I see the world. But
each time they have either done very little, put me on meds (which actually brought me
closer to killing myself) or simply tell me that they just can’t help. I got to say, I do feel
like no one can help. Which I think is a reasonable response.
I’ve come to a point where I realise […]
But I don’t think there’s a good way for me to go on living. I feel horrible all of the time. I’ve seen enough doctors, therapists, and social workers to populate a small country. I don’t see any future for me. I don’t even have any dreams to hang on to. I don’t have any friends either. I’ve spent two weeks in the hospital. It made things worse.
It is sad when happy people die; if only we could trade places so that they could go on living.
I’m young. I hate it when older people complain that my generation feels entitled to more than we deserve. […]
I’ve never been abused. Never been neglected. I’ve never failed. I have graet co-workers and a loving family (though quite overbearing @ times).
I was bullies in every grade! Where was the publicity and outcry then???
I cry myself to sleep every night. Who hears me?
I hurt any second I am not actively ingaged in conversation with somebody. Who notices?
Why is suicide a bad thing for chronic depression? It’s not a phase in my life… I’ve been this way since I was 5. I’ve been on meds. I’ve seen a couselor. Why should I suffer every morning knowing I have to face another day. Why? Because people […]
It’s been awhile since I’ve posted…My holiday season was relatively calm..as I took off from work, and was off from school…mostly drama free except the ever present arguments with the asshole I’m forced to relate to as his daughter. But I digress.
School is back in full swing…in addition to more drama at work (seriously, I work with a bunch of 50 year old catty bitches in a freaking cafeteria…)
Needless to say, I’m already stressed the fuck out…looking for jobs, internships, working, going to school, dieting (i have a wedding to attend in june…needing to lose weight), and attempting to maintain my end of relationships. I’ve […]
Im done with the pain. I’m sick of feeling like a failure. 35, live in my parents basement, hate my terrible job and boss, have no money and make no money. My depression has gotten in way of my shitty job and I’ll probably be fired when I go in on Tuesday. Everyone wants to tell me my life is going to get better. life has never been happy and good. I just dont see life getting better for a depressed cook who’s 35, single, making shit, and lives in his parents basement.
I expected life to get better when I quit drinking […]
I’ve wanted to kill myself at various times throughout the past 5 years. Â About two months ago I started to become serious about it and began to plan my death. Â This was after I had gotten out of the psychiatric hospital (my 7th hospitalization since 17 years old). Â I was in the hospital for almost 4 weeks and received 6 electro-convulsive therapy treatments. Â I also got put on some new medications which didn’t do anything to no surprise. Â I was however started on adderall which was the only thing that got me out of bed and able two at least go through the motions of […]
First and foremost, Happy New Year everyone, though it seems that some of you here have had/are having a crappy time.
I’m new here, name’s Aki. I stumbled upon this site a few months/years back, but never registered. Got put off by the seeming anti suicide I was reading on here at that time (I think, I don’t know. I’ve gone through a lot of suicide sites). I’m not known or anything, but I do lurk around other sites, though they’re mostly pro. Anyways.
Here’s a brief summary of my attempted suicide history.
Started thinking about it when I was nine years old, then went through the whole emo […]
Last night i attempted to kill my self  again. I’ve been so sad lately and im lonely and want to die. so i took a bunch of one of my meds then a handful of this a handful of that . after telling my brother and mom i threw up and now i just feel tired. Something hit me last night , i don’t want to die like this. I don’t want to die  because im afraid of why may come my way.  When i die i want to be happy , don’t let depression get the best of you.
This will be my first post here. Hello.
A couple years ago I attempted to overdose on sleeping pills. I was on anti-depressants that I had been taking irregularly because I had just moved into a new, very tiny, apartment with my new girlfriend. We had been together for a little under a year. In addition to anti-depressants I had some perscription sleep meds, and one night after weeks and weeks of worsening depression, I decided I would take them all.
I sat on the bathroom floor for an hour, and just stared at the walls. After that I went outside and stared at the sky for […]