I wonder what to do now seeing as how my mind isn’t clear there will always be that edge to want to hurt cut burn or die. No matter what I’ve been through this off and on uhm well something today caught in my mind I don’t know felt like sharing it, when I was little my mom left me only to be raised by my father I watched him suffer so he died when I was younger my dad was like my best friend so that loss killed me and started this horrible addiction of cutting than I had to leave everyone which […]
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Mom
Most days I wake up with a fake smile plastered on my face. It’s like my own little lie to the whole world because I’m afraid they would know my thoughts. I guess it started when I was little because my dad got really sick he was the only one who understood me. He died in 2010. My mom is the type of person who literally runs from problems with out realizing how much that effects me. She’s never one to tell me that she loves me instead she tells me what others say about me. Around my friends I paste a smile on my […]
Ever since June 9, 2008…. I am embarrassed to admit that it may be June 8th of that year, but that day was probably the worst day of my life. A lot of shit went down, that day was like a fucking movie it was so unreal. Some days I tell myself it never happened, as for that is the only way I can cope with it. This world is simply a ball of shit. Hypocrites living out their every day contradictions. Those claiming to be “real” but whose lives are built up on lie after lie, after lie, after lie…. People claiming they love […]
I’ve so often thought of suicide, but when I hear that word it seems inappropriate to convey what I really want. The truth is I just want an ending. I want to be free from the expectations of parents and people around me, free of the worry for money or to have a social standing. I’ve been going to college for 3 years and they haven’t been very happy. Now I flunked cell biology and my moms cutting me off, and spoke to me with the most sincere sense of disappointment. She said she loved me but I saw no love in her words. It’s […]
have you already chosen a date ?
april 15th or 16th for me ..
my mom (04/06) and cousin (04/11) birthdays are coming up and I don’t want to fuck it up for them .. after the 11th, I’ll have ran out of concern for people feelings .. they’re grown enough to grasp I cannot contribute to their well-being when I’m dead inside and have become very negative .. it’s funny because if I had a child, I’m not sure I’d have considered suicide as an option till (s)he’s at least 20 .. anyway: death, life, politics, religion, fuck all of it
give me death or […]
I all the time feel lost.
Day by day I feel like it’s work to try to be friends with people. I feel like everyone around me is hypocritical and fake. I talk to my mom all the time about how one day my friend can be gossiping about someone non-stop and the next they’re going on a trip with that person and acting like they’re best friends.. I believe in forgiveness and I believe that if someone does wrong to you over time you need to forgive. I also believe in being true to yourself and making it clear to people who you are […]
My counselor told me to write a journal. Then give someone I trust to read it. The thing is, I didn’t say I trust no one. There is someone I do kinda trust. I know he wouldn’t have the time to read it though. He’s a cop, and married with kids. He can’t carry it home. He can’t read it at work. So when then.
I’m worried that he might judge, or be over sympathetic after first being horrified that children actually go through shit, and people still walk around after pain.
I was molested by my brother. He was abused everyday by a schizophrenic mother. I […]
What is there left to live for? (This was my “My Story” section from my Tumblr)
by Vylet
written by Vylet
A lot of people want to know “my story†and why I self harm and why I starve and things like that. But I don’t have a specific thing that made me who I am. My life had always been shit. So I guess I should just give the over look of it all.
When I was very young, I was home schooled, and an only child. I was completely spoiled. My dad worked and my mom would take me to do tap, ballet, caly pottery, charcoals, gymnastics, karate, and anything else my little heart desired. By the age of 5, I had just about […]
my mom hung herself from a bike hook in the garage this sept. I miss her. she was in so much pain. she had no hope she talked to me and I talked and read and and we fought and she battled and i searched and she persevered but she couldn’t hang-on any longer. for anyone that is reading this and thinking about suicide please know that you are not alone. please know I care. please know my mom was lost too. please know that while I can accept how you may feel about the world and even yourself- the […]
I will be 15 in 3 weeks. My depression started when i was 13. I began to start cutting myself. Now i have scars left on my arms as a memory. The last time i cut was in December. I would cut whenever something would really upset me. Then when i was 13 my mom implied that i was fat so i developed an eating disorder and i lost 30 pounds from that so far. I have not recovered from either. I have a tendency of relapsing. When all of this began someone came into my life and he tried to help me. He was […]
Just no. I dont even know what to say now. My girlfriend left me. My parents didn’t get me anything fir my bday. No one called. Not one person. So just as I’m about to kill myself, my mom calls me. She bitches at me for 15 mins about failing a class this quarter. I pull the trigger, nothing happens. My dad demilled the gun. There’s no firing pin. So now I’m left sitting here with my wrist gushing blood from my self injury. I don’t even want to try anymore. I want to cut my neck open and die.
I have to write other wise I will take it out on myself.
I missed a interview this morning because i couldn’t wake up, I had to wake up at 4:30am to get to a 9am interview.
I think I shouldn’t try for his job because it’s so far and it’s on 8.00/hr for 10-15 a week, that’s just bus money and lunch.
Better than nothing though. It’s a 2-3 hr bus ride just to get there.
I just feel like a lazy bum cause I couldn’t get it over with.
I don’t even want to go but if i don’t I’ll feel like a dumb ass.
I’m not going to […]
My mom and I just got in another fight. It’s always about stupid stuff. I just can’t do this anymore. She treats me like such a child and all I want to do is leave but, not enough money..
Between my parents, school, and just feeling awful in general all I want to do is just slice my arms up til I can’t feel anymore. But I work the weekend and I don’t want anyone to see them. I know it’s bad and I know I shouldni’t do it, but cuttings the only thing that helps anymore. For even just a little bit it makes me […]
Trying..to be happy for the sake of my friends. I know I burden them and all of you with my constant sadness. I try..and sometimes when I type the faces, they arent real. Theyre cover ups. I’m crying right now…i started crying inadvertantly. Not sobbing or moaning..just crying. Tears stream down my cheeks and plop onto my keyboard..because of the pain i feel inside..so much pain that its starting to bleed through to the outside…it hurts. This isnt just any breakup..this is THE breakup..the breakup that will break me..is breaking me. And the fact that im sitting here crying silently with tears tumbling out of […]
I dont know why but all of sudden ive felt a lot of guilt about attempting suicide. This has never happened to me before. But now ive started thinking of my family. Not friends or anyone else but my family. Specifically my mom see her friend is dying of cancer and it seems like killing myself would just weight to heavily on her. But i have pills stored up and ready i just cant kill myself right now it wouldnt be right. But at the same time im tired of living. If i die there will be no more death no more suffering. At the […]
My name is Jessica. I am 13 years old and I’m a very sad person. I’ve hurt loved ones, been hurt, and been abandon by the only people I’ve trusted.
When I was 6, my parents split up. It was a very hard time for my brother and I. He was only 8. I don’t really remember much, just one day I came home from school and my father told me that if he and my mom got into one more fight, he was leaving us. The following day, he kept his word. They worked out custody and all that, and I lived with my mom […]
I can’t keep this up anymore. It’s been a month and a half. And I need to cut! But if my mom sees I’ll be dead for sure.. I need to feel the blade sink into my skin and see the blood come out of the cut…
-Morgan….RawrImaTurtle….
Well it looks like I finally crossed the line. Â My doctor got photos of my leg. Â It’s in pretty bad shape. Â They’re sending me to the hospital. Â Those of you who know me know I find this to be a huge mistake of a decision. Â I hope you guys can talk to me for a bit because i won’t be on for at least a week. Â i keep cutting and cutting because I know they are taking it all away from me soon. Â i wish i had pills and could just get out of here. Â my mom is going to be so mad. Â I don’t […]
Today i tried to hurt myself again, its a never ending thing.
I want to be happy i want to be normal,i want to be seen, i need some kind of friend.
Keeping every problem in everyday, smiling pretending everything is dandy.
I hate how i grew up and became socially awkward, anxious and isolated myself ..
I dont like my body image, my social life does not exist, the best friends ive had for so long dont understand me and grown out in their ways.
I cant tell a soul, not even my mom who im closest to because she would be hurt and stressed along with the problems […]
I know i dont have a awful life infact my life is pretty good lots of people would probaly trade but to me it is nothing. I feel nothing, empty , useless,forgotten. I feel all these things but yet i know if i would just open my door and go out of my room and tell someone how i fell i could probaly get someone to care. I wont tell though i know they wont understand. My mom got remarried and in this new family i have their is always compatition and judgement. i feel bad about myself all the time i just hate […]