Well I think its time to tell people why I cut and why I think I’m depressed. It starts off like all the rest, happy family, with money, love ect.. When I was about four years of age I was working in the farm with my daddy and my sixteen year old cousin, my dad left to get some food for the cattle, I was sitting on a lump of hay. My cousin comes up to me and starts fingering me. It was not a good experience for me and I couldn’t get him to stop. I think he would have gone a lot further […]
Tag:
Monster
I’m the broken one who fixed it. 3 years of restraint. 12 years of battleing depression. 16 years of living. Physically and mentally I struggle but refuse to stay down. Life is ment to end yes but what will you make of it. Will you be another suicide story in the news? Or will you be the success story that is the broken one able to fix it? That’s a story id like to read. So tell me. Will you fight or fail? Fail like the others that slipped from my finger tips? Or will you fight to be better then what monster […]
I wish I was dead. I really do. Â I have been suffering from depression since my early teensand I am now 36. I cannot remember the last time I felt happy; felt sad; felt hopeful; felt ANYTHING.
I know how I could do it. I know I would be successful.  What’s stopping me?  I have a little boy. His father is violent towards me  I cannot leave my baby with that monster.
What am I to do?  I cannot go on anymore  I am dead anyway
There’s this monster, who looks like us. walks like us. And speaks like us.
tho they’re only out there for one reason.
to break your heart.
That’s what we’re told anyways.
and well. i guess you could say I’ve seen this monster.
and yes, he broke my heart, though he did it without knowing he would.
See, he fell for me. and i fell for him. but that’s when the pain starts. its just so small you cant feel it.
He told me things, like how happy he’d be to grow old with me. Which made me fall for him even more.
But one day, his feelings […]
Hi, my name is Naana, 18 years old
Caution, I may go in different directions at times, most likely due to the fact that I have no idea how to put into format my thoughts correctly. This is my first time ever telling anyone properly, also my first time on here.
I’m stuck between two, whether to live or to choose my death. It all scares me and I question why me? I won’t say I’m not doing this for attention, because deep down I want to know at least someone knew I existed and cared; Knowingly I know I existed for my family, but I can’t […]
The black ominous shadows loomed up and faded away as I ran through the halls of what seemed to be a dungeon.
Up a head a figure sat in a curled ball against the dingy wall, as I approached I saw her bruised eyeless face “ indulgeo quis is has perfectus tamen nunquam alieno “ it hissed at me.(forgive what she has done but never forget)
Spasm’s of pain racked my body as memories forced there way into my head.
My torso convulsed as more waves came upon me, worst than the next,its like standing on the bottom step and having throwing knives hurled down stairs.
But no matter how […]
Im saying goodbye the second week of november on a friday.If you ever read any of my other post you would know i once said something close to the world is bad thats why im leaving it but often times i forget theres one other reason.A secret that i keep that makes me feel like a monster.Everyone would miss me if i was dead im sure but there minds would quickly be changed if they knew my secret.My mom might even spit on my grave. Id rather be gone than to be shunned by society. I have already shunned myself. I dont love me even […]
The monster, the mask, and the person under the wet and dirty mud…Which one do I feel I want to get rid of? Well that would be the mask, because it is so…boring, painful, dull, and sad to put on everyday. But…what if I need it again? I am sick of feeling like I can’t even get a chance to breathe. But the mask, I may need it again.
i never had a friend,never had a girlfriend,never had good parents or simply people that not hate me,nad for those i love,’m able to see through them and i care so much that they escape in fear,like if i’m a criminal or a monster… i either have a bad family situation,and people hated me from when i’m born,still talking of hate towards me it’s not right,because all my actions,all my words and arguments,everything,even this post,come from the idea of someone else, people i see in real life,on internet,in tv… for example when my dogs died i didn’t cry,i just said “what would do a normal […]
I dont want attention. I dont want anyones pity. I dont want people to tell me how I was wronged in this big bad world. I dont want people touching me, hugging me..
I dont want to acknowledge how hard I have been hitting rock bottom for months. Not months, years. Ive been hitting it over and over again, and I think I finally managed to break the ground and go beneath it.
What I really want is for someone to hold me. Not just a hug. I want to be hold all night to wake up in those same arms the next morning. I want […]
As I was reading an article about a particular monster of recent events who should not be named, something a former teacher of his said about him got to me. Selfish much? Well anyway. The teacher said that despite getting A’s in difficult subjects he was a second rate student.
This is an enormous fear of mine. Despite getting good marks in school I always feel inadequate. Perhaps I too am a second rate student who just tests well.
Fuck.
People have called me selfish for feeling suicidal but really I am far from it. I have just thought about it and when I die I would like my donate my body to help other people who need the help. I have done pretty pathetic things in my time in order to lets say “make up” for things I fail at in life. I sleep with a dumbell or my little dog in order to make up for that loneliness I feel in my heart. My dog though is one of the things that keeps me alive. To see her little tail wagging when she […]
This is the question:
I wonder where it will end should it be in the neighborhood park or a diff city and state?This is my story:
I have tried to OD on drugs at 15 years old I’m 47 now. The drugs was not enough to kill me plus they pumped my stomach. The state of GA took me away from the ones who would beat me and stomp me. I was in hospital for 3-4 days then I was put in a crazy house and stayed there for 6 long months. When I did get out I was placed in a home that the state […]
I can’t seem to get myself to do the simplest things. I am wading through life fighting against this current that tells me it would be better if I just left this plane and stop wasting resources. I feel ashamed constantly and I can’t shake off this feeling that the future is hopeless. I am disoriented. I want to get better, I’ve done therapy, meds, drugs, and yet this heaviness, this emptiness still lingers. Even with some of the ups I’ve had this monster of a feeling is ready and waiting to take me back into the darkness.
I’m stuck between wanting to break free and […]
ive been through alot since childhood, ive seen my mom being hit and bleed, ive gone to school scared of coming back home and not finding her alive because dad killed her, ive seen my baby sister die infront of my eyes and i dont remember telling her i loved her, i remember the days dad dint come home cuz he was SOME WHERE ELSE , i remember when he went to sleep like he dint give a shit while my mom had a miscarriage, i remember every word he said to her that made her cry ….i remember dad repenting after my baby sister died […]
Isn’t that what the world is built on? Isn’t that what life is all about? The pain of existing. The suffering we succumb to, day after day.
I’ve been asked why I don’t want children. It’s a simple concept. I’m not a cruel, unjust person. I care too much. I love too much. And I simply will not bring another being into this world, so I can watch them suffer as I suffered. Hurt, as I hurt. I will not bring life into this world and watch it die. Watch it be eaten alive by society. By the media. By the government.
I will not sit back […]
i feel ugly inside, like i have nothing positive to offer the people of earth. all the wrong things bring me joy and the right things make me feel uncomfortable. i laughed at a disabled woman on saturday and it was the hardest and most enjoyable laugh that ive had in months. i look forward to other peoples misery and usually slink away from smiling faces and the stories behind them.
what am i? i dont believe in anything(angels, demons etc) so im just a disturbed human. ive been hurt to the point that other peoples hurt is all that i crave; hurt people hurt […]
Rachel Ferguson- Never Good Enough
The story of me. I wrote this after my first hospital visit, it was going to be my suicide note but a close friend of mine found me before I died. He has an uncanny ability to call me whenever I’m seriously debating suicide even though he’s moved all the way across the world from me.
Born to the urban monster,
Raised to be mindless,
Her curiosity brought pain,
Tears of blood shed in silence.
Ostracized by her peers,
In the shadows she played.
Her “friends†cruel like the rest,
As she was bullied there came no aid.
Fragile, she often wept,
They laughed and pointed.
Ridiculed and mocked into […]
I sit here in the darkness. The only comfort is the light in my bathroom. I hear soft footsteps. I see a shadow of a creature on four legs. It’s creeping walk slowly limbers towards me. In its jaw is a bone, it crunches in its mouth as some strange liquid drips from its snout. It walks as I reach for the covers and I hide under. A dog howls outside. A very large dog, possibly a wolf.
The creature tugs lightly at the sides of the bed. It lightly gets on the bed as it creeps under the cover.Â
The boy jumps out of bed and […]
My family hates me, they always tell me they do. I hate how i remember it when i was little, how happy we all were. Now look, im scared to go home. I hate the people i should love. It drives me insane, how my own father can scream at me ” aww you going to cry, GOOD, now you can go f*ckin cut yourself!!!” I feel numb. From all this stress and pain. It makes me wanna die, makes me think they are better off without me. I know my mom is, she already left me here. My dad already wants to. I should […]