This can’t go on for much longer! I gotta bring back the voices. I gotta bring back the madness. My only protection. Live or die, they’ll figure it out!
Tag:
Monster
I slipped up.
I haven’t been here in while. A very long while. Not because the monster inside of me was gone, more because being empty is consistent, and this little bit of venting was enough to keep me just above empty.
I was doing a little bit better actually.
Adjusting.
But I made the mistake of letting someone in.
I should know better.
I know now that I am not pathetic for needing someone in my life. I used to always feel so weak for wanting someone to be there for me.
Humans are not designed to be solitary creatures, in my opinion.
And maybe it’s because I was sexually abused as […]
You can call me Robert for now, even though that’s not my true name. You’ll never know my actual name, unfortunately, because I won’t be around to tell it to you. Obviously, i plan to kill myself, but you would be mistaken if you thought that i was sad right now. As a matter of fact,this is the first time that I’ve felt happy in years! Finally, finally, I have found a way to end myself; to put a stop to the horrible thing that is my mind.
Over the years, I have been plagued with psychopathy. I couldn’t even walk down the fucking street without […]
9:20A.M:
I have summer school. Haven’t been able to get into a habit of sleeping earlier so I’ve been tired. Drank a monster today, but still tired but also wide-awake. I’m the fastest in my class of World History. I finish my work earliest due to my full year of review in my sophomore year that I failed. I sit alone at our 20 minute breaks.Â
They (campus supervisors) try to corner us onto the quad and I get anxious. There’s a lot of fucking kids from 4 highschools being crammed together.Â
I’m attempting to keep my mind blank from those thoughts about it. My memories are […]
Within the next few weeks, I am going to commit suicide. I have wanted this for so long but as the day draws closer and closer I am noticing things that are going to be hard to say goodbye to and people who’s lives are going to be changed forever when I am gone.
Mom and Dad,
I have always had a horrible relationship with my parents. They suffer from depression and bipolar as well so they are not exactly the best parents. But I walk by their room and see them sitting peacefully, watching tv or reading, and I feel so horribly guilty because I know […]
I’m a monster. I destroy everything I touch. I’m a freak.
These are the thoughts that have plagued my mind for the past two years. It all started when I lost my best friend in 9th grade. After she joined band, we got into different social groups. I always had issues with making new friends, so I became her “stalker”. She began to distance herself from me, and I began to threaten to cut myself to get her to talk to me. At first the threats weren’t serious, but threats always turn into promises. When the cuts eventually lost its effectiveness, I began making suicidal threats. […]
So lonely but apparently having emotions is wrong is since I am a guy. It’s really just depressing how the world looks at my situation. Basically I’m a wuss for crying even though I have perfectly good reason to. Â Wanting to hug and kiss someone makes me needy although isn’t that one of the key thing man walks the Earth? To find love and acceptance? I was put in a crisis center aka mental hospital for people my age and you would think I would hate being there. If I can tell you this I love being in there. Sure the beds are hard to […]
Why is it so hard to accept me the way I am…
I’m awkward,weird and have the strangest of haircut.I didn’t know that was so unforgivable.I’m just tired of putting on that fake personality,that fake smile.It’s almost a natural reflexe now.Every time I’m finaly able to be myself(wich is a RARE occurence),people just avoid me.It’s been like that since kindergarden.Am I that repulsing?
I’m tired of speacking to myself.
Tired of crying alone.
Tired of feeling like I was a shadow.
I feel so worthless,alone in this sea of people just passing by me unless I say what they want.I’ve never been able to find the place I can call […]
Why can’t people be more like dogs or cats? Why do people hold grudges, harbor ill will, do nasty things to each other?
I’m a fine one to be asking these questions. I’m a perfect example of everything that’s wrong with the human race. I have more grudges than a stack of phone books. I’m filled up to my neck with ill will. And although I’ve never meant to be nasty, I’m pretty sure I’ve managed to hurt everyone who has ever gotten to know me.
But despite me being the monster that I am, my dog doesn’t care.
“If there are no dogs in Heaven,
then when […]
i’ve done it. i’ve made the decision to end my life. though tears are running down my face, i couldn’t be happier. i feel so peaceful, genuinely happy. a feeling i’ve never felt inmy life before. i’m not giving up, i’m just giving in. for years i’ve felt like an empty shell, being carried by the river out to sea to be drowned and i don’t mind. i don’t really want to die, i suppose, i just want to rest my head. i’m okay with it, i accept this situation. may my body be the last i see and my heartbeat the last that i […]
I am 15 years old. I know that the things in my life that have made so depressed and screwed up don’t really compare to other peoples’ problems, but I sincerely hope that NO ONE has to go through the pain that I have experienced and I hope that NO ONE ever feels the immense pain that I must live with everyday. And most importantly, I hope that NO ONE hates themselves as much as I hate myself.
My story is this:
I was born with a cleft pallet and lip. I have had 10 and counting surgeries, something no one should have to go through. Each […]
people tell me im ugly that i will never find someone to love because of who i am, for what i am… im actually sarting to beleive them… who would love someone like me? suicidal, always depressed, monster? in this world i am at the bottom i am ugly im a monster. i try working out i tried diets and other stuff that will help me get into shape but no matter what i do im un loved… im already struggling as an artist and trying to get my art work out there but no one seems to actually care for it my friends just […]
Here I am. I’m told I’m great. Good looking. Smart. Kind. Talented. I do many things. Have loving parents. Have loving friends. Have people who care. Even with all of these things, I’m stuck. It’s like an endless circle. I’m sad and angry, then numb. I feel numb so much of the time…I…I’m not even sure what I feel anymore. I mistook my content with my gay friend’s compliments to me, as a love for him. I’m a straight male. I know this because I’ve tried to have relationships with other guys. It was never right…it never felt right. I never kissed a guy, because […]
I’m sorry it had to be this way, I just can’t take it anymore. All aspects of my PTSD are taking over my life. I never smile anymore, and when I do it’s because I’m thinking of death.. I know this is going to hurt you, and i know you will all think I’m a selfish ungrateful monster, but I’m not. I just want to be set free, I want to be able to release the burden I carry, not to mention the burden I put on you with my meds, and hospitalization. Don’t think of this as a loss please, just think of how happy […]
yup remorseless thats me i feel no remorse no pain…. i gave myself that name because i dont care for my life i never did…. im just a monster who does not belong… when someone dies it doesnt hurt me… i stop trying to find someone who would get me, someone who would accept me but turns out theres no one… day by day as i looked for acceptance in this world i only end up hardening my shell because i know theres no one out there… so i stoped caring, i stoped taking care of myself and i someone gave up on my art…. […]
i just found out litterally 2 min ago that my friend holly died last night in the whitby fire….. she was a good friend even though we never met in person but we still texted each other… we were close and she would help me with things…. right now i feel nothing, y is that? this would make 8 deaths now and i feel nothing :'( am i truely a heartless monster…. do i really live up to my art name…. am i really someone who shows no remorse someone who feels no pain? what the FUCK AM I!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t want to die, but I want this all to stop.
Therapy can’t help me.
Medicine can’t help me.
I fucked up everything.
I just want to talk to her, but I’m a monster not a saint.
I want help.
I’ve been suicidal for so many years, I’m pretty much not even hiding it, yet nobody fucking care, I can tell you that. When I first decided I wanted to end with life, I was like “ok I’m done with life, maybe I can just have fun before I do”, that resumed playing video games day and night, and staying locked up in my bedroom at least I was having fun. Only getting out at night to eat when I know my parents are asleep. This dragged on and on always like “let’s do that one more day”. I live on the day by day […]
Why am I such a stupid fuck? I really cant stand myself. 2 hours by myself and I’m “in a mood” again. Wasn’t even contemplaiting suicide this morning because I was working a bit and suddenly, like a fingersnap, I just want to die. I remember that I despise myself. And that I’m the most disgusting monster on the planet.
I like being by myself, because I can do whatever I want. But I guess I really need distraction. Especially if I havent smoked weed yet. Thought I should smoke less so I didnt smoke yet. (no thats a lie I tell myself, I didnt earn […]
How am I supposed to forgive myself when it’s me that did the worst thing I have ever done?
I was the emotionally abusive man; I lost the love of my life because of this…when I see myself, I see the bad guy from Sleeping With The Enemy or Cape Fear or Fear…I did horrible things(not as bad as those guys, but horrible nonetheless).
Every time I hear something on the radio or TV that pertains to a guy not knowing when to back down and walk away, I cringe because I know that guy is me. I know she’d never be able to forgive me because […]