Hi all, I am 17 years of age and is so closet to finishing highschool but I just don’t want to live and I don’t know why. I have been trying hard to find a purpose, or a joy, or anything to destory that want of death , for the three years that this lack of feeling appeared but nothing is working anymore. There is nothing eles I can turly change anymore, when you are six feet two, black female and as realistic as me … You become numb to the illusion of dating of marriage-it’s impossible- but that’s not why I amm depressed […]
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Music
Here I am one year later. Why do I even try to kill myself.. Â Well, recently I haven’t really tried.. I’m bored of waiting to have an opportunity. I’m bored of wanting to die.. Most days are better then others and death seems too…. sigh.. death seems too what? too…. the same. Like everything on this place. Most of you guys want to die.. but what happens next? As long as you’re gone right.. What if there was no heaven or no hell. You’re just stuck in your coffin awake for eternity.. Would you regret.. Would you lose your mind? A month ago I had […]
It’s one of those nights when I feel so alone. There’s a hole in my stomach that holds a faint physical pain and a tremendous emotional one. It’s as if I died right this second I’d be okay with that and not a single person would miss me. I want to cut myself to sleep, and if I never wake up that’s all the better. I haven’t wanted to kill myself in months, but right now… I forgot how bad it felt, honestly. My minds racing and it’s focusing on all the stupid crap I’ve done, I want to cut so bad, but my dad’s […]
People underestimate how much music means to me. They have no idea that music is the only thing keeping me from a mental institute. Music does so many things for me. It keeps the monsters of the night away, it pushes away all feeling cutting couldn’t. It keeps my anxiety down, and calms me when I need it. It’s the only thing I’m alive for. The depression, the anxiety, the eating disorders, the bipolar, the ADHD, the personality disorders, they’d all be 20 times worse without music.
And trust me when I say I’d be dead by now. Without music, I wouldn’t have that one song […]
While loneliness is a major issue for me, it appears there are many others whose mindset is similar to mine, a desire to end it. While many of you are younger, and I am not, I seek someone to share one last road trip with. To the Lost Coast and Redwood forests of northern California. Starvation/dehydration will be my method. A few final days of music, nature, and a final enjoyable meal. I am not abusive or aggressive in any way, which is part of my problem, we meek and humble sorts just don’t function well in a dog-eat-dog world. […]
okay this has nothing to do with suicide i just need to get this out you don’t have to read if ya don’t want to.
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So my bff likes this guy and he’s amazing he’s taller than me (I’m 5’9 in the seventh grade) and he loves all the music I do, he connects with me, and we never get bored of eachother when we talk… it’s clear that i like him too. and I realllllyyy really like him, and I think he likes me (he always stares at me and smiles when I come and talk to him and smiles whenever he sees […]
I guess I just don’t know what I want from people anymore. It’s like I’m screaming for someone to take two seconds to notice that I’m dying. It’s like I’ve fallen down in the middle of a stampede, and everyone just keeps trampling me. They don’t notice that they’re about to lose me. Would they care? Would they even notice if I was gone? My own boyfriend is so obsessed with that damn piano that he doesn’t have time for me. I understand, because I’m a music major too, but I’d drop my guitar for him anytime. He knows that I’ve struggled in the past […]
my depression started when i was nine i figured out what had happend to me i was sexually assulted by parents i was put in foster care adopted into a family that is the reason of my pain and cutting and suicidal thoughts and many attempts they hate me they hate the way i dress my music everything about me they basically call me an attention seeking whore and when i cut i feel nothing and death hasnt taken my soul yet simply because i do not have one worth taking i feel like im drowning but not dying this is slow and painful life […]
we have to much destruction and crime on the streets
welcome to america the land of the free
but what if that fact is the fact of what has you beat?
you have no where to go and nothing you need
the laws the law is what they always said
but what use is it to you when your already dead?
no sense in living a life that you cant already live
abuse and neglect that is all that can give
moma says she loves you, shes just fucked in the head
no sense running to daddy, cause daddy already left
out the front door […]
For years I’ve been miserable. At night in high school I would lock my door at night before I went to bed. I would stay up until 3 or 4, or sometimes not go to bed at all. I’d cry and listen to music like a lot of insecure guys would like me. just made me feel worse and worse. Somewhere around 2, i’d finish my homework. And then get up at 630. High school=tiring.
College was better, but not much better. I started taking adderall since I took some and felt okay with myself for the first time of my life. Something like loving myself. […]
Yesterday
I couldn’t sleep. I was tired, I was exhausted. But I couldn’t. It had been three hours since I had been trying to fall asleep.
It started to hurt, so badly.
The pain was growing and growing.
I kept scratching the skin in my chest, hoping to get the skin away, to rip my heart off.Â
At least that way it would stop hurting.
Then I went for a cigarette, trying to relax while listening to some music.
But when I came back to my room, my mind was set in what it wanted to do.
So I grabbed the blade, and rubbed it against my skin. And […]
We are the future of us all
we are the generation who is destined to fall
we are the present’s invokable call
we can’t be heard through the last generations wall
we destroy ourselves without remorse
we set sail on an unchangeable course
our parents have made us who we are
they have locked us up behind concrete and bar
suicide and drugs seem our only escape
we all go out with chalk lines and yellow tape
all victims of depression and anger
some are popular some the more stranger
we all grow up whether we want to or not
because […]
I work in a restaurant.
I am constantly surrounded by knives.
God, it’s so damn tempting.
Music is what stops me from cutting…but I can’t really have my headphones in, and I can’t blast death metal in a family restaurant for some reason.
So what am I supposed to do?
It’s so hard not to pick up a steak knife and cut my wrist up.
The only reason I haven’t is thanks to my boss.
My boss is my neighbour, family friend, and my boyfriends father.
I don’t want him to be ashamed of me, because he’s the reason I have my job.
But it’s hard…sometimes I wonder if the urge to cut […]
I like how I can vent about how I’m going to try and suffocate myself tonight. Nobody on here knows who I am. I have the perfect life. Loving family, no real reason to kill myself. Yeah,but I’m delusional. I Am insane. My parents think I’m the happy perfect child with straight A’s but no,I’m not. I have no friends and I barely am able to get up in the morning and go to school another day. I don’t live,I survive. So I decided to die.I’m not sure if ill go to hell or if atheists are right. I’m a very messed up person. My […]
I fight and I fight…why do I fight!? I fight to live, I fight to breathe, I fight to eat, I fight to smile, I fight to be happy. Why am I fighting myself!? In this endless battle, I am always winning! I constantly win the battle, I fight for the right to hurt myself! When will my REDEMPTION come!? Why wont people understand the pain and hurt that I inflict upon myself!? It is not my fault, I do not consciously choose to harm myself. DO I!? I look to blame no one, yet the universe always finds a way to FUCK with me! […]
Just found this site.
Trying hard not to give up, like old men sometimes do.
It’s 2 am in this small upstate new york town, and time to go out walking, like i do at night. Haven’t been out during the day, or talked to anyone for a week. All evidence suggests i am already a ghost. Food, i hardly eat, slowly wasting away. No more family, no more freinds. Not very social anymore.
Funny thing, seeing other people hurting always makes me cry. Other people in dispair and emotional pain, i get it, been there. I want to reach out and say “it will get better, just being alive […]
So far I’ve posted story’s of love and death. Here’s just one more about love.
So for the longest time I was in love with this boy, if you’ve seen my other stories this is before Zach, but his name was Noah.
I know for sure, he won’t be reading this, or at least know who I am so it’s safe to use his name. But anyway on topic, Noah was what every girl wanted he was cute, taller than me, a good kisser, popular, athletic, captain of the football team, a slight accent, and a total gentlemen. He was just amazing. I fell for him, hard.
And […]
Right now, things seem to be getting better. I’m able to go on without my razor as much, I can enjoy music like I used to, laugh purely because I want to, not feel that pain that can’t be explained somewhere within my heart…
But that will all change when school starts again. When I have to rejoin the real world, and see it for what it is. When it presses itself against my face – when reality comes back to wake me from my dreamworld that I created to protect myself – It will all be as it were. I’ll be cutting again, empty, emotionless […]
At the moment I’ve got my music blasting and I am doing art work im totally distracted From thinking about my troubles but I’m worried that as soon as I go to bed ill start thinking again or that ill have a anxiety attack again. I probably won’t be able to sleep tonight. Does anyone suffer from anxiety and if yes what is it personally like for you?
so I graduated nursing school, met the man of my dreams, and now i have nothing. I can’t find a job, and dream man doesn’t want me. I have nothing. I feel so empty and alone. I fell in love with my best friend and now he won’t talk to me the way he used to, meaning not at all. and then I hear this song, before i die by papa roach. and it’s the lead singer saying that he was ready to kill himself because of all these reasons, and that his wife was leaving him and this was him saying that he loves […]