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Tag:
my life
To all those who have commented on my posts and made me laugh and smile, thank you. I originally posted the material to help others, but it had an effect on me as well. You guys are beautiful people, and even though we don’t know each other, thank you for being here as I’m going through a very rough time in my life right now. I will continue to post as I have fallen in love with this forum. <3
Merry Christmas if you celebrate it, if not then have a nice vacation/break, and I hope your problems whatever they may be won’t trouble you too […]
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Today im telling my sister that i need help. Im 22 all my life i thought shit would be okay but its not. Mu battle with depression has caused lots of cuts covering my arms and legs and 3 suicide attempts. Im losing. Medicine just didnt cut it. Life always seem to fuck me over in new ways. Nothingd never okay. So this is my last stand. Hopefully i can get the help i need. Wish me luck.
I’ve been depressed since I was 7. I’m tired of always being tired, and sad, and depressed, and feeling shitty about myself, my life, just everything. I’m just a giant black ball of darkness… I’m tired of being tormented, of always being in pain. I wish I was “normal” and had a “normal” life and felt happy good feelings, instead of feeling like I’m dying all the time…
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I’m 18 years old (19 in less than a month) and I have been depressed since I was 12. I grew up with my Mum and Dad but my Dad passed away in September 2010 when I was 13. I actually saw him disintegrate in the hospital and it’s literally the most traumatizing thing I’ve ever had to see and that image will stay with me for the rest of my life. He had Huntington’s disease and was unable to look after himself as it affects his speech, movement and eating, he also used to jitter constantly. In 2013 I got tested for the disease and […]
Over the weekend I think I finally hit rock bottom. I tried so desperately to get an answer or reasons for things that have been completely out of my control. I learned the hard way to just let things go.
I saw our love as perfect and honest. He saw it as suffocating and disgusting. He felt chocked by me; hopelessly controled by me, to the point where he claims that all of it made him sick.
It hurts when the person you once loved more than anything views you as this selfish and insane creature. This miserable being that all she wants is to […]
I can’t afford to pause my life, not now. Even though I feel the fight dying inside me and passion becoming a confused hot mess. Everything keeps turning to shit no matter how hard I work or what I do. I feel like I’m continuously this toxic poison that everyone is forced to live with. They all suffer because of me. All the stresses of my life bleed into theirs, and it’s not fair. I’m far from happy, beyond stressed, just plain frustrated. I don’t know who else to talk to, I can’t handle this by myself but do not want to feel like such […]
Ah man, me again, I know, very sad. Either way, here’s some stuffs I wrote about what’s been going on with me lately, if ya’ll care to read it.
by thelost
written by thelost
A Beast
A beast with a silver tongue
A heart of fool’s gold
A body covered in scars
A mind full of pain
Lies hidden behind pretty words
Pain hidden behind false smiles
Eternal loneliness
These are what the beast lives with
The darkness questions
Where’s your strength
How dare you feel this way
What gives you the right
The darkness says he deserves it
Maybe he does
After what he has done
Does he deserve forgiveness
His soul cries out
Begs for the darkness to leave
Anything, as long as it will leave
The darkness only digs in deeper
Escape is all he wants
There is only one way
It is to lie down in a coffin
And that’s the way the beast likes it
I Don’t Know How […]
I have so many secrets that are eating me up inside . That literally no one knows . I think it’s time to share some of them .
I’m addicted to meeting older guys online and meeting them in person. I just have a thing for older men. About 25-30 . I don’t know why. I feel like only
These people online give me the time of day . They listen to me . And plus I like
Getting free food from them.. I never end up really talking to them again. I just never feel a connection.
I think it is that I just […]
My friend that was visiting left yesterday. Now I’m alone and I don’t know how to adjust. I feel like my ex-fiance is supposed to be here, with me- I miss our life. It feels unreal. It feels empty. I used to have someone I could share everything with. Now I’m just alone; there’s nobody to care about me like she did/does, to be there to comfort me every time I cry, to share even the mundane parts of life.
I don’t think I’ve ever felt such painful sadness despite being depressed for a decade and other painful events. Of course, maybe that’s just proximity bias. […]
I don’t understand why I let her in again. It took less than 24 hours for me to fall back under her spell. I have no power in this relationship- I never have. When I left her ten months ago, I slowly started to gain my self-confidence and independence back. But four days ago, I let her back into my life. I am weak again, and I just want her to hold me and run her fingers through my hair. I am so close to my 1000th day of not self-harming, and I have not stopped thinking about cutting […]
I’ve been so angry at my ex, sometimes to the point where I want to say or do mean things. I’ve been able resist actually saying anything (although at one point I made my friend hold onto my phone so I couldn’t text her).
But in the last few day I’ve been feeling a little less angry, just so incredibly sad (although I expect the anger to return periodically). I miss her and everything we had. I miss the future I thought we’d have together. I miss having someone who knew me as well as she did, someone who is my best friend, who I can trust […]
I’m a 22 and a senior in college. I have nothing to look forward to in the future. All of my friends have their planes ahead of them, me not so much. I have aspergers. (form of autism) and I don’t think my friends realize that. For example I literally feel like I’m a failure and I will be for the rest of my life. These past two months have been hard. Just recently my friend actually best friend had a confrontation. I hate confrontations because its just usually bashing me and everything I have done. Like they are graduating and I’m not and from […]
It’s literally 5am and here I lie in bed… Just overthinking. Not even music is helping clear it all away. Maybe if I write it down it’ll go away.
What am I even doing anymore? Seriously, what am I doing? I’m seventeen, I start college in the spring, I have to do the dishes before everyone wakes up… Sure that’s some things, but what do I need to do to make my life fulfilling? Is it just an endless cycle or is it really going to change some?
Why do people fall in love? I think I’ve ranted about this before on here, but seriously, why do […]
I can’t fully process it all. Life is changing so fast. There’s still no long term security. It’s still week to week and not knowing if I’ll have somewhere to live in April. So I’m a full card carrying member of SGI and I’m going to be given a bunch of photos to make a video presentation for them, at least locally I mean, to be shown at the local center. They find out what you can do quick. Lol. At my second job I’ll get 15 hrs a week and have the title of program coordinator. It all sounds fancy. I can’t believe I […]
I’ve said numerous times that I felt crazy, but nothing compares to this.
I feel so impulsive it scares me, like I can barely control myself. The anxiety is near constant and so overwhelming that my body becomes s0 physically agitated that I can’t stand it- at times I’ll cry and clutch my stomach, writhing in mental and sometimes physical pain.
I am so angry and sad and betrayed and- it feels like there is too much going on in my head. I know, rationally, I don’t want to lash out in anger, but the urge and pain is so strong. I know, rationally, that I could get through […]
This year I was diagnosed with a metabolic disorder towards my eyes. And my diet changed completely.
Then around May time this year I started to feel depressed, suicidal and I had anxiety. And I started cutting.
Then I promised my best friend I would stop cutting. I broke that promise twice. This time I promised and he made me swear on his life:(
A month ago I found out my dietitian thinks I need Physchologist, she thinks something’s wrong with me.
About a week ago I had surgery. And then about 2days ago I did the most stupidest move in the world and it could’ve ruined my life. […]
I watch everyone’s days go on around me. I feel like in stuck in time. Depression has slowed me.
I feel even when I sleep for hours, I do not feel rejuvenated. I don’t feel good.
Even when I have the least bit of confidence, it soon diminishes after a few seconds.
I feel content for moments at a time. Yesterday I felt the warm sun . I was happy. But that feeling soon disappeared.
I think it’s hard to get better. Nothing seems to have a point. I don’t feel like there’s any reason to be alive. I don’t think my life has meaning at all.
I wish […]