I wanted to talk about something im having a problem with…friendship. I have one friend i’ve known her for most of my life she’s really great. We got into a fight over a rumor passed around school that I was messing around with her boyfriend. She beileved the rumors and said alot of hurtful things like, go cut yourself and no one loves you. She knows i harm myself its a sore spot for me and i instantly started crying. This happened during school so it drawed in a crowd and i felt like my whole world was crumbling around me. As if ive […]
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my life
Sooo… hi. I posted on here for the first time a couple of days ago, and I got so much support and positivity. If anyone who read my previous post is reading this, thank you so much for your kindness. 🙂
And also, if you’re reading this, be prepared for a rant.
In my previous post, I essentially said how my ex has affected my life more than I thought possible. And not in a positive way. To sum it up: I still love him after over a month of being seperated, and I’m pretty sure he hates me. Because of that, I’ve started doing things in […]
I’m so lonely and confused about where to go from here. I had started chanting (Nam myoho renge kyo) and although I can’t stick to routines, it really cured me of feeling suicidal and I don’t have that drive anymore. But I don’t know what to do. My life is so empty without my best friend around. I love him more than anything in the universe, more than words could ever express, and he doesn’t feel it because a) I’m fat, b) I’m an introvert, and c) I’ve been living as a guy. I told him that being fat is really an advantage in that […]
Okay so I’m going to be ranting for a bit. If you read my last post, you might remember me saying I met someone a while ago who helps me with my problems. Last night, I was feeling really horrible so I texted her because talking to her always cheers me up. But she kept reading my texts and not replying. So I just moved on, thinking she was busy. Then one of my other friends showed me a picture of a conversation between her and a guy. The guy kept asking her for nudes. She has been exploited in the past for nudes from […]
Memories are fresh in my mind as if it was yesterday. Exactly two years ago, we were sitting and folding the clothes into the container, chatting excitedly about the days ahead. We enjoyed going to the supermarket so much and made a list of the things to buy. We prepared a lot of things to start living on our own. Exactly that morning of September 2013, we were speeding under the hot sun, towards the future yet unknown, leaving everything else behind. It was exactly this time of that year that we, young and foolish, abandoned the dank room, the jealous accusations, the fearsome […]
This Loathsome test of life, that nothing is in my hand
except the power to take away my own life
My heart does not desire what i want to do
and i stop myself from doing things that i want to do
My mind is not mine to think, what i want to think
God, why are you testing me with pain
O Sadist, Do you want to give me pain
even bigger than the pain of this life
Or are you waiting that i get so disappointed with life
that i take my life by my own hands
So that you can get a […]
Lately things haven’t been looking up to me. It’s been brining me down to my lowest point, to the point were I don’t feel like my family or friends care about me anymore and I want to die. Everyone always compares me to someone I’m not and that makes me wish I was someone else. I wrote my suicide note out to my closest friends incase I make the drastic decision. I know who to send the message to and hopefully they will allow me to go in peace. I’m not taking my life anytime soon (I don’t think) but if things don’t look up […]
I’m trying to remind myself that I’m still that small bit calmer than usual. Things have changed; they’re still better. I’m still trying. I’m not sinking as fast or easily as I used to.
But I’m falling… The depression is agonising. I’m exhausted. My muscles are heavy, uncomfortable and sore. My mind is the same. I’m tired of closing myself off from the world. I’m tired of choosing between letting in the sunlight or being able to think slightly more clearly. It’s so sad to think that I’ve reached a point when a single car journey can set off all my ME/CFS symptoms and leave me […]
I find it extremely difficult to actually make decent real life friends.
I’m 15 years old and all the “Real life friends” ive had up until this point have either used me or don’t care about me and make fun of me.
I made another post about most of my life and in that post I explained how I had cancer from when I was 9 up until I was 14. most of the people I know call me cancer boy and some people act so scared of me because they might catch my disease even though it is not contagious (obviously) and I do not have […]
to say too much?
If this is the only life that we are going to live through, and our only chance at happiness, isn’t it a bit worth sharing emotions and passions to the point that it becomes awkward? Isn’t that what being a human is all about?
My trouble with relationships is the mundane. Fuck the weather. Fuck sports. Fuck fashion. Fuck Hollywood. I’d rather talk about us and the silly memories that we’ve been through, and, of course, the bad ones too. Others in my life, however, do they desire these relationships like I do?
I yearn for passionate relationships but get stuck when someone tells […]
So here I am at 19, on a page for releasing thoughts of suicide or just flat out depression. Manic, major, whatever it is that gets to you.
I have had an awesome life so far, I’ve done so many things, and I have seen so many things. But these past few weeks I’ve just gotten hit hard with depression. The past couple days I have contemplated suicide. So tonight I tried it, I tried hard, but i can’t bring myself to do it. I had a belt pulled around my neck as hard as I could possibly have it, and I’m glad I couldn’t, because […]
So…hi everyone. My name is Jayden. I…deal with a plethora of problems on a daily basis. I have panic attacks very often and nightmares that make me cry nearly every night. I’m socially awkward…my friend had to ask me quite a bit just to post on this site. But regardless of all my problems…I met a girl who seems to make them all go away. The first time we talked on the phone I didn’t even have a nightmare that night. She means the world to me. We even had an LDR…but it ended after a couple months. But she still helps me with all […]
We all have our business with life, the job, the family, entertainment. When my friend approached me, I was also engaged in one of the toughest time of my life; My family was undergoing a hard time about which i could not do anything but pray; I just started my first job. My friend needed help and I complied, sacrificed as much as I could; I would leave my job early so that I can reach college at time to make my friend learn something so that my friend would not fail and when married, I wanted to see the degree in my friend’s hand. […]
…how one person can affect your life so much. I pride myself in being a strong person. I always have been. No one’s words have ever hurt me. Except… for one person. He broke my heart, left me with nothing. Called me names. Said I wasted months of his life. I found that he was the one person whom I can’t fight. He’s also the one person that can make me hurt like no one else can. He’s also the only person that can make me feel weak. It’s not healthy to have him in my life. That much I’ve figured out. But I’ve also […]
I never thought it would be like this. I never thought I’d want to end my life. When I first thought about it, it scared me but now I’m embracing it. I’m rude, selfish, annoying,stupid, everything you can think of. Im mad though, at my self mostly. Why couldnt I be happy? Why am I such a *****? Why? Why do I always mess everything up? My parents hate me, im failing two classes already, i dont have any close friends. But most of all, I’m tired. Im tired of being alone, Im tired of hating my self so much and most of all, Im […]
I am so weary. I cannot stop thinking about death. The thought of smiling scares the hell out of me. I lack enthusiasm to make moves or find a job. I am fucking useless piece of shit. I cry uncontrollably and can do virtually nothing meaningful with my life. My friend beat her depression and anxiety. She’s always been there for me but it looks like she’s getting a little distant because my depression is chronic… just when I thought I was gonna turn my life around.
I radiate negativity and sadness and well, that’s not something normal people or those that have finally decided to take charge […]
Yeah, I’ve been feeling that way lately. I’m afraid of getting kicked out of the place I just moved in to. Reasons? I know I’m renting from a neat freak and I’m not really filthy but I don’t have the energy to keep it looking like Merry Maids are on call either. I did something dumb that made a mess and now a rug needs washed, and I don’t have the energy to spend 4 hours after work on the slow washer & dryer in the basement. I feel like I shouldn’t be doing stupid shit like that and somehow, even though most […]
the next day. Parties over, sobriety creeps into my life, nothing to get exited about, and it will probably be a week before I can get booze again.
With All of My Love………………….
Its better this way, it really is. I don’t think I will ever be able to explain how pain filled, lonely and useless I have been for so many years. Living is a complete hell for me.
No one I know would wish such pain on an animal they love and, would indeed, put the poor thing out of its misery. It would be selfish to compel it to go on living. If any of you ever have to experience this deep misery, you may, at last understand it takes courage to go against the natural inclination to live and thrive. The […]
Okay, please don’t read this unless you are prepared to read a long winded story of my life. Many of you won’t understand and that’s okay.
The relevant part of this story starts in third grade. Back then, everything was bright and shiny, and death unthinkably far off. Sure, I knew it existed, but I never saw it up close. Then, my teacher died of cancer. I get scared, more than the other kids, for some reason. I tell my friends that they should be scared too, that we could die at any moment, and, like third graders, they don’t take me seriously. After a while, […]