My life is literally one huge fucking mess. I have no direction whatsoever, I can’t decide for the life of me what I even want to do with this shitty life of mine. I’m a walking contradiction, I can never make any fucking decisions, probably because I can never visualise a positive outcome of any situation ever because my life is so fucking shit. Nothing at all makes me happy, I have no fucking hobbies because I’m too much of a lazy coward to ever put my mind to anything. I have a shitty, dead end retail job which makes my hate my pathetic life […]
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my life
This past weekend seemed miserable much of the time but later last night i had another good moment and talk with the guy I love. Im trying not to takke it personally. So he doesnt believe I’m really attracted to him because I’m the only person who is and he feels shitty about himself for being fat. He has a lot against being fat, and is stuck on society’s opinions of stick thin equals beauty. So he showed me pictures of himself when he was 200 lbs vs being 290-300 as I’ve known him. He does look a bit different but hes still amazingly gorgeous […]
My life sucks… My mother died last year before christmas and now nothing is the same. I thought that my life was already horrible, but after her death it was fucking hell. My father acts and treats me as if im the one to blame and im less of a daughter somehow even though I was the only one to take care of her when she was still alive, he constantly makes fun of
my weight and compares me to my little sister, my older bros and sis dont give my little sis and I some damn time to talk and
they treat us like […]
I am, though. I can’t help it. I can’t help the fact that Im a failure. It’s not like I’ve not tried to put myself out there. I’ve done everything you wanted, Mom, Dad- I just… Nobody wants someone who’s nobody. And they don’t want any bullshit art that this shitty ass fucking 16 year old made. They don’t want dumbass masks I put my hard work into. They don’t even want my paintings! You tell me to put myself out there and then I’ll get people to buy my things. You tell me not to get a real job and just rely on art. […]
How come no one has ever told me how to deal with stress?
all i want to do is stare into the wall all day… and thats exactly what i do. i cant get anything done.
i want to get things done i just cant get an overview and that leads to me panicking about it and then i dont get it done. i hate it. every minute of it.
i get more and more depressed for each day passing.. nothing seems to cheer me up anymore. i cry over the littlest things. i cant hold myself together. my life is chaos right now…. i […]
I am still here.
It seems as if it is just one disappointment after another. I have everything I need to “punch in my ticket,” yet instill I hesitate. My friend said something is keeping me here, keeping me from committing the final deed. I don’t know what it is but I want to find it. I am tired of the monotony of life and just want to be okay again. I have been seeing a psychologist and psychiatrist on and off for about three years now and it doesn’t seem like it is working. I don’t feel intense emotions anymore and all I do is sleep […]
I am scared. Scared that I will not be enough. That something bad will happen to the ones I love. Scared that cant protect them. That I am a fraud. That I will never be enough.
Scared that I will never be what I want to be, because I am too scared to embrace it.
I have everything I have every wanted, and I am so afraid that the world will take it from me, that I cannot enjoy it.
Fear is ruining my life.
Just letting some randos know that I’m going to end it. Gotta act fast, as my condition is worsening, and I can already barely walk.
I’m going with a drop-hang. Can’t find a gun.
I’ll be sorry for whoever finds me, but at least they’ll have something dramatic to talk about with their friends. Imagine the mawkish, self-serving Facebook post! So many likes.
I’ll be especially sorry for my mother. My poor, hardworking, lonely mother. I am all she really has, and I am worthless: if I don’t end it, she continues to suffer through my deteriorating health, and if I do, I also end her life in a way.
But, I […]
so my daughter also has depression, maybe other things, but she is only 13 and really just started her journey. i feel like i have no room to breathe. no room for me. i know it sounds selfish, but i have struggled since 8 or 9 as she has.i have threats and attempts of suicide in my life. she posts all this stuff on facebook, everybody calls me. what am i doing?…do more…do this…what about this. i have had to put all my treatment for my depression and fibromyalgia and neuropathy on hold because i am disabled and don’t work. all gas in car, […]
For someone who spends most of his time thinking, I’m pretty damn shallow.
by thehusk
written by thehusk
Since I was 12 or 13 (over half my life ago), my mind has been consumed to an ever increasing extent by longing. By lust. Though I like to tell myself it’s love – that it’s somehow special.
Behind all my other thoughts is the constant desire to be with whoever I’m most attracted to at the time. Not to be in a real relationship, but to be with the idealised version of them that I’ve created in my head.
This is obviously pretty destructive, since it identifies meaning and happiness with a virtually impossible ideal. But I don’t feel like I can let it go. Something […]
No matter how long ago something happened, it always find a way to cross your mind days, weeks, months or even years after it was passed.
Its been 6 and a half years since I was taken away from my mother, when my whole family and home life came crashing down on me. Today something managed to spark those memories without a second thought, and only now do I realise how much that impacted me. How different my life would be if it hadn’t crashed and burned all those years ago. I don’t believe my family realise how much that effected me and to this day […]
So I was considering uploading a picture of some severe scarring I have. It’s not to show off or glorify cutting. I actually wanted to ask if anyone knew how to heal them (or if they could be healed) because like I said they are very severe and ask if people think it will majorly interfere with my life. I haven’t cut for four months but the scars still look fresh. I just didn’t want to upset anyone or encourage or give people the idea of cutting. Would this be acceptable? I’m not interested in causing problems, they are just a major source of stress […]
Protected: Untitled (I had at least 100 ideas, but couldn’t choose one)
by Tristeza
written by Tristeza
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Even though my relatives have known for years that I have Major Depression they still behave in abusive ways. Yesterday I was stressed and feeling extreme anxiety. My mother came home yesterday from work screaming and throwing a tantrum. I have to live with her for now because I have a heart condition. I was so upset I was shaking. Later I felt really sick and couldn’t breathe. I thought I might be having a heart attack. She just stood there in the kitchen staring at me like she was waiting for me to die. I had to call 911 myself. It turns out I […]
I’ve been dealing with depression since my teens l’m 30. Last year my husband past away and l have never been so depressed. Now I rarely leave the house and just wish for death. I have attempted suicide 3 times in my life, last year was the last time. I really don’t want to live but don’t want to kill myself but I have days when I don’t think straight and come really close to trying again. I have family I don’t want to hurt but I am so miserable all of the time and maybe it would be better to get it […]
i feel awful when I’m alone i feel like no one loves me or wants to be around me. which is probably true, i mean people just don’t like me. idk why I’m always nice maybe ill tell some bad jokes that aren’t funny sometimes but the good jokes come a lot more often than the bad. Maybe I’m not the coolest guy ever but people love me when we’re drunk i guess because its easy when neither of you can follow in conversation and just say whatever pops into our heads. but i guess my deep seeded hatred of myself comes from my inability to be […]
Asking for help was honestly the biggest mistake of my life. That’s all.
It’s safe to say I’ve fucked up my life pretty thoroughly. To the point where it feels like there’s no way back. This is who I am. It’s not some temporary blip. It’s a consistent reflection of my thoughts and feelings.
I’m so far outside normal human life that it’s scary. I turned 28 last week, but a large part of my thinking and behaviour is still trapped in childhood. And I can’t see any way to catch up now. I can fake a degree of social confidence for a while, but it’s easy to see through. I haven’t developed any of the skills that most […]
Damn, I have gotten fired up these past few weeks. A strange zest for life cloaks me. I’ve been feeling so empowered to turn my life around. However, in the back of my mind I am always calculating my next existential crisis. I feel like my depression and anxiety might be hiding around the corner waiting to beat me down to a vegetative state. I don’t want that shit to happen man. I hate crying myself to sleep. And occasionaly I picture myself in a funeral suit, it makes me cringe. I hate these thoughts because they push me to the edge of insanity.
I call this day one because this is the first day I haven’t cried in a really long time. I’ve come to believe the fact that Jordan will not come back to me. That who ever wrote the quote, if you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it was always yours. And if it doesn’t, it never was; never dated a stubborn, prideful, Army Ranger.
I can admit I fucked up. I completely screwed up our dreams of marriage, happiness and children. I can say, I never cheated, never thought about it and never wanted anything more in my life than […]