I’ve been suffering for a long time now. I spend 80% of the time I’m not at work locked away wishing the days would end and that I would never wake up.
I have a good life. Better than most probably. If I was to write a list of pros and cons the pros column would be at least five times longer.
BUT. It doesn’t seem to matter. Every stress and every pressure I feel so extremely. I struggle to shower and get out of bed of my days off, spending at least two days a week in my room. I cry when a stranger […]
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my life
This world is not meant for me as much as i try to fit in it. i have a good job, my parents both love me in their own way, im well liked even though i have no true friends, im imaginative, funny and very smart and yet somethings wrong as i dont fit in this world i have recently cancelled all of my social accounts when i noticed that no matter how hard i tried to connect with people ( i have paid for my so called best friend to come to the cinema with me. ) that i barely get any replies and […]
Okay so I am brand new here and kinda awkward about it. But I’m going to use this as a place to vent and stuff.
So I am your average teenage girl, with a slightly disfunctional family.
I have never meet my birth father. My (now ex) step father is a pretty alright man. And my mother is a monster, I will get into details about her later.
I have many brothers and sisters, but only few whom I have actually meet, and only 1 that I have grown up with. My older brother (by 9 years) hes.. well I dont know, he doesnt exactly […]
My family is constantly worried for me because of my depression. I am pregnant by my ex and he wants me to abort but I want to keept it. We had a huge fight today whem i told him I wanted to kept it. Finally I said fine and I would just get rid of it and burst into tears because I can’t do it. If I keep it I ruin his life and he says mine too. I dont see how it would ruin my life. If I abort he can go on with his life and be happy. If I abort its likely […]
extremely depressed. I hide it in so that nobody knows. I don’t want anyone around me to know because It would just be a burden to them. Lost the love of my life and now have nobody. No one to talk to. No one to tell how terrible I’m feeling. Just alone.
This is just my perspective which is born out of paranoia and a lack of self esteem and self worth so things might be different to other people, it’s not absolute truth for everybody but it’s the absolute truth in the world that I live in. I’m not even suicidal any more I’m just tired of this living thing. Ya dig?
I don’t believe that anybody in the world truly cares about other people, it’s just all so fake and selfish. People will keep other people around as friends or partners to service their own needs without ever really establishing some form of connection or trust […]
Don’t know where my life is heading me. Don’t evn know how to live. Every thought, each feeling, every emotion is now jumbled up. M into deep darkness…. want to come out of it. Trying…. but not able to. Somebody plsss advice how can i overcome this suicidal feeling. long back i attempted it twice. Aft that gradually everything become settled. But again with his ignorance towards me & getting closer to another lady pulled me back to 7-8 years ago. Same problem is arising again. I cnt evn trust myself now. Hv loose all my hope n wish for death every moment. Each second […]
Suicide is stigmatized as a quick sudden choice. Not for me. I roll my plans and deadline over and over in my head. The biggest question haunting me. Should I tell him? Will he feel better if he knows and can ask questions first? Should I ask my family to keep it a secret from him? Hasn’t his life seen enough death already?
I scour the internet for advice and come upon articles laying out tired hatred for narcissistic, manipulative exes pulling the suicide card. I don’t want to be that person. I don’t want to manipulate anyone. I just want to talk to my best […]
I am the victim of suicide. The one who is alive and is going to be in pain for the rest of my life. The mother of an 8 month old child, to whom I will have to someday explain, why dads gone. And it will have to be one hell of a story. I am the one left with all the mess. I am the one that wandered here looking for answers. I am the victim. Before a couple of days i havent heard of N powder. I am the one who has been lied to. I am the one that loved very much. […]
It’s been three years since I put up my first post on this site. Now being 21 years old. If I could go back in time and talk to myself in the past and tell her how the future is now I’d tell her just these few things.
You will fall in love with your prince charming. The perfect boyfriend. And you will have the best time of your life. Then have your heart broken, never seeing him again because you just weren’t good enough. But you will meet someone else. And you two will live together in harmony with a black cat who loves you […]
Today I woke up to a very shitty morning and a job I hate. I don’t hate the job per se but I just lost interest in the things that I used to hold dear. I posted a part of my story on here a few days back so I don’t wanna regurgitate any of my erst while ramblings. But for those reading a post by me for the first time, I mentioned how I’d dropped out, lost my job a couple years ago after being decimated by a bout of depression. I took to vagabondage and sloth after that dreadful scenario because I had […]
This post started as my first reply to another post, I am just copying it in. I’m not rich but I’m certainly not poor. I made this account just to reply to you, and im using my username that I have everywhere. I don’t want to be anonymous. My life was just how you describe yours, playing games, watching random tv shows, maybe some youtube, or streams, and chatting with friends online. I have lived 90% of my life online for the past few years. Unlike you I was satisfied with that, I do not want what others seem to want in life. I don’t […]
I have suffered with depression and suicidal feelings for as long as I can remember, but something has always held me back when it comes to ending my life.
I have made several attempts, but have failed so far.
I can’t be bothered to write about what has happened to me, because I have tried every form of therapy there is and it doesn’t work and I have never really felt any other way.
I’m just fed up with the lack of understanding, the patronising advice given by therapists and family and the accusations of self-pity or attention seeking with regards to suicide.
I don’t feel sorry for myself, […]
They once told me that when every human is born, they are afraid of death. That our natural instincts tell us to live. For some reason, I was born different. From as far back as I could remember, I was never afraid of dying. When I was young, if a car was racing towards me, I would calmly step out of the way without ever feeling anything. If I was in the ocean and I couldn’t stay afloat, I would simply think about how my life didn’t matter anyway. But as I grew, that indifference to life and death morphed into something different. It changed […]
I’m sick really.. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. nothing in life satisfies me anymore, I want all the wrong things & I think that bad, that my heart is literally ready to jump out of my chest.
I just want it all to go away. these feelings, these thought, these memories. I just want to be happy.
I don’t remember the last time I was happy actually. you see, a lot has happened to me in my life. a lot happened to me growing up as a child and I think it has all had a negative impact on my life.
long story short, […]
It’s ironic, really. I helped people for most of my life, be it in person or on the web, trying to get them to rethink their life choices, telling them it’s all right, and that suicide isn’t the answer. I guess now I know how they felt when the foot is on the other shoe. I truly am weak, pathetic, and stupid, and I have just proved them right.
I will be ending it shortly tomorrow. I have made letters stating my amends with all individuals I have wronged in my life and a goodbye letter to my love. My worldly possessions will be given away […]
Today is my birthday. Instead of feelings of joy, happiness, excitement for what this day is besides my birthday, I feel empty. I no longer know how to run my life. If I ever knew. I feel trapped in it. Trapped in who I am, what I am, where I am in this existence. I do not know how life works. I see everyone around me with all the things I wish I could have. It seems tangible, but so very far from my grasp. Supportive family, friends, significant others and love in their life.
No matter how hard I strive for things most people have. […]
That’s how I feel, every day. I hate holidays. I could go run around with the guy I like again, but I’m exhausted. I’ve basically been “partying all weekend” starting on Thursday – the day I had set to kill myself, but at least minute was given the ok to come hang out, and it’s not really my thing to run around like a teenager and party. On the other hand, one of the many things I’ve loved about him is that I feel younger with him. He’s 6 years younger than me, but he has the energy of a teenager and at 37, I […]
The most beautiful thing happened when i logged in to write here. The check-mark on the login page said, ‘remember me’. What a wonderful thought indeed, made me smile. I don’t know why i chose to write here, why go through the process of registering and then confirming, checking email for new password and writing now. But anyways am here, let’s make the most of it..
Today is one of my darkest days. Three months back if anyone would have spoken of ending their lives I would have dissuaded them fervently. But bearing the same suicidal thought tonight, I somehow feel at ease with myself. Life […]
In this year I had 2 good days only nothing is going as planed my life is getting screwed up every day too ugly to get a girlfriend too stupid to pass a test too dumb to find a job. Iam really getting sick of this