Hey, since lots of us is having a bad night, I wanted to recommend you all listen to “Beautiful Pain” by Eminem ft. Sia. I stumbled with this song last week, on a particularly bad day, and broke down and cried in the middle of the Mall, but it served me well. I know, it’s old news, but really, the song has some nice message. I find it.. encouraging. To make it through another day.
As far as I know I have nothing left. My friends, my family don’t even care for me. Day after day, night after night I just lay in suffer age while my friends beat me down further. The friends whom I’ve considered family have used me until they come across someone to replace me. The ones I trusted now ignoring my cries. I have nothing to live for… I have no one to live for. I can’t feel any emotional love anymore..
If you tuned in on THIS POST, you not only got to hear me sing 197 digits of Pi at three in the morning, but you also got to hear me explain that I am going to spend my Friday drinking vodka and becoming (hopefully) less coherent as the night progresses.
I’ll spend most of my time here, but might drop a comment on your posts too, if you’d like. I promise to try to be on my best behavior if I visit you, but here on this post I may well descend into […]
Why do people say it’s selfish to end your own life?
What’s so selfish about ending your own suffering?
Why do people make your suicide mission about them?
Why is it always “You don’t want to be remembered like that, do you”?
Do you know the constant battle that’s going on inside my head?
Do you know that self harm is the only thing that makes me feel in control of my life?
Are you there every night when I cry myself to sleep?
Do you understand it’s a miracle I’m not already dead?
Honestly, I don’t drink much at all, and I haven’t had anything in years because it’s not really my favorite thing, but lately I feel like I want to have just one night of drunken misery/celebration/reveling.
Just one.
I’m in the middle of coming to terms with certain issues, certain people, and certain unsavory truths, so dammit, I would like to drink myself stupid for one night.
When I do this, I will post on SP throughout the evening so you can all see me at my weirdest. (Because what are friends for, right?)
In the interests of good manners, I will try to keep most of it contained […]
the weather here has been such shit lately and that onto of everything else has thrown my mood down so much, I wish I had someone to talk to, to distract me from the mess that is my life, even if just for a night
My ex and I talked last night. We basically put our friendship on standby. I think that it was a really bad idea to try to be friends so soon after breaking up. I’m glad we did, because I admit a lot of my anxiety and depression came from that. I do want to be his friend, but it’s just not the right time for him and not the right time for me. I feel as if a load has been taking off of me. But I do feel kind of sad about it. I can’t predict the future and I don’t know if our […]
I took too many sleeping aids last night, so this morning I feel kind of awful.
Apparently, sleeping aids do strange things to anxiety.
I’m waiting for a therapist to call me back so we can discuss if we’d be a good match.
I’m so tired. And so scared. And so sad.
I want to treat myself to some good Tex-Mex, because it sounds very comforting right now and I want to eat queso and quesadillas. I don’t think I can drive in this state, though. I shouldn’t risk it.
Does anyone else feel like they are programmed to self-destruct?
Ok, for those of you who have been wondering, I was able to piece together the following timeline regarding sportsnut. If any of you know more than what I’ve found here, please share, so we can stop wondering/worrying.
On Easter Sunday, he sent email and text to some of us saying that he was thinking of ending it. The one he sent me arrived at about 5:30 eastern time. I didn’t end up logging in that day until about three hours later, so I didn’t get to respond when it was still new. I responded when I saw it, but he never answered.
Also on Easter, he […]
You’re sitting next to me. Were about able to start talking. I’ve missed you. I hugged you when we got out of the car. We clung on to each other tightly. Your heart beat was strong like the night at Rock Fest.
With love,
Brianna.
So this weekend some friends invited me to go hang out and go to the club with them, but it just ended up making everyone pissed off at me. We were hanging out at my friend’s apartment and drinking getting ready to go out and waiting for another friend to get off work which that was all fine. We stopped at a pizza place to eat and by this point I was already really drunk. One of my friends invited this girl I really didn’t like, then she invited more people I didn’t like, because they’re just generally rude people. We were getting ready to […]
Step one, you say, “We need to talk.”
He walks, you say, “Sit down. It’s just a talk.”
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
You begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Let him know that you know best
‘Cause after all you do know best
Try to […]
To all my mates at Suicide Project,do not let the world bring you down.Goodluck and Godspeed to you all.
Before I start my post, I’m apologising for the lack of replies to the comments on my last post. I wasn’t in the right frame of mind the other day, so I thought it was best to not reply at that time.
The last two days have been particularly awful. My moods have been so irregular I’ve had to leave rooms because everyone is utterly pissed at the lack of stability. And the voices are so frequent I feel like my head is going to explode. I can’t cope with the constant noise.
The figures aren’t much better. I see things everywhere now; I can’t look […]
so I’ve been thinking, what I said before is true but, I couldn’t end my life for the sake of my mother. I know she hurts and I couldn’t put her through anymore. I want to tell her everything. I want to talk to her and help her. I made a promise to myself last night that I will always be here for her. no matter how much pain I have to go through. I have enough as it is but for my mother I would do anything. she’s the strongest person I’ve seen in my life and my hero. I’ll absolutely do anything for […]
Of a lenghty e-mail reply. And the Wi-Fi connection to the lap top here decided to shit out. I’ve spent 3 hours trying to type. I’m unable to reset the internet until everyone is done using it. It’s just the lap top is having troubles troubleshooting.
I haven’t showered today. I ate however. Enjoying a beer, listening to clasical piano. My mother has been screaming and yelling all night. I told her something simple and she bit my head off pretty much. And has continued to bite my head of. Jesus woman calm down before I bite your head off. I would have so much to […]
Mkay. I made it official last night that “Let’s Chats” were a thing now especially when it comes to me. Its early as fuck 7:15am to be exact and I’m like super tired I have the power to control my niece and nephew XD (I put my hand on their faces and I was like sleeeeeep)
Remember embrace your inner weirdo
Note I’m on my mobile phone so I probably won’t reply as quick….
-Suicide
So last night, Cordless suggested I write a cook book for zombies. Which reminds me, I’m deathly afraid of zombies. I whole heartily believe they do exist. Mass exposure is inevitable.
Do you believe?
Here’s why I do:
I use to work in the pharmaceutical industry.I’ve been to hidden under ground labs, labs inside of caves, research facilities the size of cities; complete with apartments, schools, movie theaters, fire and police. I’ve been to labs protected with sniper guard towers, razor wire and attack dogs. It’s unbelievable, I know, but I’ve been there. That is with about the lowest security clearance possible. How deep is that rabbit […]
it’s been a wile but I guess your due to return
Me-hay insomnia it’s been awhile
insomnia-I know you thought u could hide from me with sleeping pills right ?
me-umm well kinda yeah u keep me up all night messing with my head making me over think and drain the little life I have in me
insomnia – haha well I’m back to kick u in the teeth what u going to go with out them pills now huh ?
me-……..
Insomnia- you know your life a mess right ?
Me-no I didn’t know it was a mess actually I thought it was going fine if u ask me that’s why […]
so last night I posted that nights have been hard and days were fine with me. This morning I woke up feeling just as bad as I did last night and I’m upset that a good sleep didn’t help 🙁 also wondering how someone can cry for nearly 2 hours straight without running out of tears. Couldn’t manage to get myself out of bed for class so this sucks.