Tag:

night

Slowly dying, so why prolong it?

by filmg1rl 2/22/2016

written by filmg1rl

At this point in my life, I feel like I’m just overwhelmed with sadness. It’s genuinely at a point where I feel like I’m going to cry all the time because I’m just so intensely sad. All the joy of life has been beaten out of me inch by inch over my 41 years.

But it’s hit me really hard recently. My best friend was just dumped by her husband of 10 years for a younger woman, so I’ve been doing what a friend does and being there as much as possible for her. But part of her initial and possibly unhealthy reaction to this has […]

2/22/2016 6 comments

Old Blood and Drunken Giraffes

by Cordless 2/20/2016

written by Cordless

It’s been a long time since I’ve seen my wrists bleed.

I remember trying to slice my wrists in high school, and it accomplished nothing. I received no compassion. Instead people were disgusted and angry, and they scolded me and tried to shame me about it. I remember a slightly older classmate looking at my bandaged-up wrists saying “You’re going to have those scars forever and remember that dumbass thing you did.”

Here I am decades later, and the wrist has healed so well that I can’t even remember which wrist it was…. maybe it was both.

I tried OD’ing, and that was equally unsuccessful.

I didn’t keep cutting […]

2/20/2016 16 comments

Everyone’s A Bastard:

by GTSuicide_6 2/20/2016

written by GTSuicide_6

– “I’ll kill myself. I’ll kill myself i’ll kill myself i’ll kill mmyself and soon.”
-“I’ll call the police on you
Dont even think about trying.”

———-

Last night I had written to a friend (a used-to-be-friend.), saying I’d kill myself and soon.

Today, I had received the response above:“I’ll call the police on you.”

…Thanks, I appreciate the scare I received that rose up as I had read it.

—

Why did I admit it? It was because of a spark; an anxiety attack that led me fearful and alone to the point of solely being capable of admitting it. It was because I needed someone then. It was at the […]

2/20/2016 11 comments

Wind and Panic

by Cordless 2/19/2016

written by Cordless

Today it is very windy.

Strong winds give me panic attacks, and here’s why:

About 15 years ago a windstorm destroyed my home in the middle of the night. It ripped off the roof while I was in bed sleeping. I heard this horrible loud ripping sound, and I rolled over in bed, still in sleepy confusion.

Instead of my ceiling above me, I saw stars.

The wind had this constant ROAR, and it just wasn’t stopping.

I couldn’t turn on the lights, because the windstorm had knocked out the power earlier that evening.

So there I was, in total darkness, trapped in a windstorm, in a home with no roof.

I […]

2/19/2016 60 comments

A Thousand Sleepless Nights

by JiminyCrispies 2/19/2016

written by JiminyCrispies

I’ve been trying to act somewhat ‘normal’, and not like everyone is trying to murder me. It’s difficult, to say the least. I can’t keep up with emotions anymore. I’m not reacting to things I’m supposed to, and I’m reacting differently than I should in other situations. I’m getting yelled at for being ’emotionless’, and I’m getting yelled at for ‘behaving inappropriately’.

The voices are constant now, specifically the running commentary and the laughing. The demons missed last night again, but I’ve saw the shadow people throughout the day instead.

My mood has been ridiculously low all day, anger being the most prominent one. It’s not even […]

2/19/2016 4 comments

Protected: This feeling has followed me around my entire life:

by whiskered-fish 2/18/2016

written by whiskered-fish

There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.

2/18/2016 18 comments

Can’t Let Go

by thehusk 2/17/2016

written by thehusk

I should be asleep. I have to be up in 5 hours. The loneliness is eating at me again. I so badly want someone to understand what’s really going through my head. I want to be wanted for who I really am, rather than who I pretend to be. But it’s impossible. Necessary, but impossible. Can’t let go of it. Can’t fulfill it.

Wish I had something to knock me out every night. During the day I can fill my head with crap to drown out the loneliness.

Instead, I’m stuck in this cycle of feeling exhausted during the day, and then anxious/lonely at night.

2/17/2016 11 comments

twix this rainbow

by TheRiver 2/17/2016

written by TheRiver

Guess I’m going to “beat this dead horse” a bit more, sorry AgentQ.

Short sequence of events from approximately late o’clock last night/this morning:

– Put on some chill and somewhat sad music and decided to check SP (I like to be thematically appropriate, what can I say).

– Noticed that “twix this rainbow” had been blowing up the forum, post after post. Wondered what was up.

– Realized what was up.

– Read the posts from the beginning, tears occasionally springing up here and there.

– Thought and wondered for a bit, considering the possibility that the person whose words I had just read had died or at least had […]

2/17/2016 17 comments

Getting Worse

by JiminyCrispies 2/16/2016

written by JiminyCrispies

I’m scared. Everything is getting worse, and I don’t know what to do. I can’t think, I can’t eat, I can’t sleep. Everything is getting too much.

I’m ill again. The Angels have said I’ve been poisoned with something which also works to lower my immune system as well. The Others are going to make me suffer for as long as they can.

Speaking of the Others, they’re everywhere. In every street, every shop. I haven’t gone out in days. I’m not safe anywhere. They watch me during the night. I close all the blinds, all the curtains. I lock every window and door. I suppose I […]

2/16/2016 7 comments

All about today….the night has now begun

by twix this rainbow 2/15/2016

written by twix this rainbow

So, I had a great last day. I swam, I surfed, I fell off my board a few times, got smashed up the last time. Pic to prove it. I laid on the beach, I just got down with a long soak in the tub. I’m changed and I am about to go down soon for a very light last meal. I know I have to have a empty stomach in which to take “N”.

My last night is beginning….I’m waiting for […]

2/15/2016 8 comments

What, me sleep?

by Cordless 2/12/2016

written by Cordless

It is almost 5:30 in the morning here.

I have been awake all night long.

I’m going to try to go to sleep again in a few minutes.

Yesterday I printed out my funeral wishes (and other legal papers involving end-of-life issues), signed them, and gave them to two of the officials I trust at my place of worship.

They probably assumed my concern was due to my declining health and the degenerative disabilities which aren’t getting better.

They know I am depressed, although I haven’t mentioned the […]

2/12/2016 4 comments

Pretty close.

by Cordless 2/10/2016

written by Cordless

Yes, this…
Plus wildly varying degrees of insomnia followed by just the opposite: days and nights where I can sleep for 12-14 hours at a time. Then more insomnia.
Clearly my brain flips a coin about this every night, (which might explain some of the migraines.)

Brain on Monday: “Oooh, tails! That means we stay awake staring at the ceiling all night!”

Brain on Tuesday: “Hey, look, heads! Now we get to sleep for 13 hours!”

Brain on Wednesday: “Wow, the coin landed on its side. […]

2/10/2016 45 comments

First post

by Drowning 2/10/2016

written by Drowning

2/10/2016 8 comments

Venting

by NiDDA 2/10/2016

written by NiDDA

It is raining. I like rain. Not because of the cheesy saying that you can’t see the tears when it’s raining, but it’s true. You really can’t see the tears when it’s raining. But I have an umbrella, so if I cried, you would see my tears. Sometimes I feel so empty, I can’t cry, sometimes it just bursts out of me like a waterfall. Am I crazy? No, I think I am not. I don’t halucinate and I don’t hear voices. I am just tired, I have just given up. Given up on myself, on dreams, good things. Every day I put on my […]

2/10/2016 2 comments

Protected: Update on the hospital situation.

by whiskered-fish 2/5/2016

written by whiskered-fish

There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.

2/5/2016 10 comments

Saying goodbye

by NiDDA 2/5/2016

written by NiDDA

Tonight is going to be my last night.

Good bye SP.

2/5/2016 11 comments

Its 10am

by No1important 2/4/2016

written by No1important

And I’m on the way to the local bar again, where I’ll spend countless hours drinking and socializing with people I’ll never see again. I’m stuck in my head again. I can’t free myself again. I drank myself stupid last night and somehow managed to drive myself home again. I sit here lonely wondering if anything will ever change again. I’ll force myself to eat because I’ve lost so much weight again. I’ll sit in my car and smoke weed just to be able to sleep again.

Again.. again.. again..

2/4/2016 5 comments

not functioning enough

by evildandelions 2/4/2016

written by evildandelions

I’m (supposedly) feeling less depressed. And yet why can’t I function any better? For the first time ever I’m late with turning in a (creative) writing assignment. I’m so embarrassed and even more stressed/anxious in that I don’t even know how I’ll get it done. I’m a good writer, but I just haven’t felt creative since my fiance and I broke up. Maybe painting I could do, but words and plot require thinking. I can write a beginning, even a beginning I like, but then I’m stuck. The only piece I wrote a significant amount of words to I now hate because of the direction […]

2/4/2016 0 comment

[tw: self-harm] whining

by jasal 2/1/2016

written by jasal

i fucked up my arm last night. it still feels tingly and weird (and painful), and i think it’s still bleeding… i’m so fucked if i need stitches. i just wanted to see the blood drip. i didn’t want to mess my arm up like this.

in other news, i haven’t seen or spoken to my family in a week, and even though it was my choice to isolate myself, i still feel like crap. hearing them laugh and get along just fine without me, no concern whether i’m dead or not in this tiny room… i mean, this is what i wanted. i don’t want […]

2/1/2016 3 comments

i love to cut

by mlr18 2/1/2016

written by mlr18

Just sitting here in school and all I can think about is cutting. I hadn’t done it in months. And then just like that my heart gets shattered and I’m back to it. Now, I can’t stop thinking about it. The sharp blade, the drip of my blood, the burn after.. I’m missing her like crazy. And she hates me. She never actually cared. She told me that. Showed me, too. She used me. She’s 23 and I’m 17. My mom found out I’m gay and won’t even look at me. Got a text at work last night where she was just reminding me, “Girls […]

2/1/2016 4 comments

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