Do I remain here.
It would be so easier if my parents were no longer here, then I could just exit this nightmare forever.
I’ve never belonged, or really wanted to. People are as hard as f******g nails.
Tag:
Nightmare
It’s just before 12pm. Â I have only just woken up and I wake up today looking at life like it’s a curse. Â What is the point of living life? Â (Not in a suicidal state of mine). Â I lay here thinking to myself how hard it is to get out of bed to get to the shower or to get downstairs to eat breakfast. Â So I just lay here for longer. Â It is now 1pm. Â I have decided to get up and start going on with my day to day jobs. Â I was meant to go out today but I don’t want to leave the house. […]
i tried to kill myself. more than once actually. i was put in the hospital for 3 weeks. and while i was in there i was happy. i was that happy and excited kid i was before depression took over me. but as soon as i got out everything went back to the way it was before. my mom and dad scream and yell at me all the time, they make me feel worthless, and they make me just want to run away and never look back. My brother lives in a different city and i haven’t talked to him in a long time. me […]
Last week I had a nightmare about killing myself. Seemed like strangle was the best option. I saw in my dream how I put a tie-wrap on my neck and how I tighted it. When I woke up, it felt like my neck was pinched. I couldn’t breathe well and swallow was also difficult. I haven’t told anyone about my dream. The whole week I was thinking about committing suicide and I really had the urge to do it. Also I had the urge to strangle myself. Last week I had several times that I had that urge and that I wrapped my hands around […]
Tonight as we sleep,
When we aren’t making a peep.
Let’s dream of all the little broken things,
Pretend we are butterflies with solid wings.
Wish for things to become right,
As we sleep in the night.
While most sleep without a sound,
I toss and turn ’round.
My mind is filled with a nightmare,
Though no one really seems to care
Please kill me I start to yell,
I know I am going straight to hell.
The man with horns sounds the alarm,
Here comes everyone that’s ever done harm.
I then wake up without a breath of air,
But then again no one will care.
I’ve come around because everything has become too much. All I do is work all day to save meager wages that will do me no good. I come home tired to start my homework so that maybe I can earn a bit more cash someday. That’s my life: nowhere else to go, nothing else to do, no other purpose.
No, life isn’t about being adored, but all day, every day, everyone I come across looks down their noses at me and thinks I’m dumb, weird- just an all around loser. Even my mom. Each day ends and I cry because they’re right, they know me immediately. […]
Sometimes I wake up, lay in bed and just think I want to die then spend the next couple of hours thinking about how to do so. Sometimes I wake up and feel a little hope. And sometimes I wake up and I can’t help but think of last nights nightmare. My dreams are so uncomfortable and horribly vivid. They’re so vivid that I think about my dreams through out the whole day because they’re so uncomfortably real that I feel like it happened… Anyways throughout the whole day I’m just an emotional roller coaster I’m fine, I’m sad, I’m crazy, I’m hopeful (this is […]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WFjKJc-Sn-w
Beautiful and vibrant as can be,
That’s how they remember me,
So far from what I used to be,
I hid from the world; you see,
Skin so smooth and fair,
Now scarred and dry,
I still have my beautiful hair,
But I changed so much it makes me cry.
I cry myself to sleep when no one’s there,
Trying to accept the damaged look,
So much lost; I can’t even start where,
Dusty covers, lost pages, judge the book!
Of all clichés this one I will never forget,
Passing through life betwixt and between,
In the end all you’re left with is regret,
Was I made […]
Waking up–that’s the hardest thing for me to do. I find myself tired all of the time. It’s not so much that I am physically tired as it is that I am mentally tired, and my brain transmits the feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, and restlessness to the rest of my body. My dreams are a blur… images of things that I can’t get to make sense, my meaningless days played back and forth for my mind to review. Scenes for my brain to recount so it can ask itself, “What went wrong?” and “How the hell did we end up here?” Sleep is supposed to […]
I woke up this morning, crying after a nightmare where my fiance was murdered. I wish I didn’t have to get out of bed.
Last night, after I published that post saying that my boyfriend said he’d take care of me in my time of need….he confessed something to me: that he has been suicidal on and off since he was ten, and that he really needed to burn himself (his form of self-harm). I ended up getting pissed off that he was pulling this on a day(night) where I needed him more than usual.
Today, with a few bumps in the road, I tried my best […]
every time i try to be happy it always ends up in a disaster
i have always been bullied all my life ever since i was a little girl. i am 15 now and i am still being Put down by others because i dress different and my way of thinking is different than others. i can’t seem to fit in ….. i mean i don’t want to fit in its great to be different but the insults and rumors …. and THE lies are what hurt me. all i ever wanted, was for my life to be different and… for me to be happy. […]
I didn’t always live in a nightmare. I didn’t always have conversations with the voice in my head. I wasn’t always watched by disembodied shadows. I didn’t always hear tortured screams and maniacal laughter or my name in empty rooms. I used to be “happyâ€. “Happy†is an illusion created to hide all the pain, madness and fear. It was never real. But I used to experience that bliss, “Ignorance is bliss,†they say. That bliss is gone. I used to smile and laugh all the time. I used to think, or be thoughtful. Before the clouds, and locks. Before the black fog that covers […]
Pain overriding any rational thoughts
only feeling what I want most not too
Churning in my stomach, and burning in my chest
How did this happen, I ask
Only to be reminded that there is no explanation
No concrete answer to the question I’m seeking
I just have to accept what is.
Accepting a reality of isolation, loneliness and solitude
Feeling imprisoned by my own being
Trapped in a world I can’t escape
Following me wherever I go.
My mind plagues my every thought
The inner bully condemning every part of me
Ruthless, harsh and callous
Never stopping with its relentless bashing.
Only sleep gives […]
You’re supposed to protect your best friend, right?
Make them feel better.
Help them get through the bad times.
But it can be pretty fucking hard to do sometimes.
At least, that’s what I tell myself. Im just absolutely ashamed of myself.
My best friend is dead.
I was supposed to protect him. Why couldnt I?!?!
They say God only gives you what he expects you can handle, but how am I supposed to deal with this? One of my best friends has cancer, and the other one is dead! God expects a fucking ton from me.
How could I let this happen? I let my friend slip through my fingers. He’s gone. and […]
So, for my English class, I have to read Night by Elie Wiesel. I do not like reading about the Holocaust, because I am prone to nightmares. I don’t mean the fun kind, where you’re on a ship with Odysseus passing under Scylla and you know you’re going to wake up, because it’s a nightmare based off of ancient fiction. This is the kind of nightmare that you know real people lived and died, and there are pictures and film to prove it. Yes, the night I read the book, I dreamed that my school had gone Third Reich Etc Etc. I told my dad […]
aha gettit? Cause I’ll die. I hope you do understand the just of it because most don’t, they don’t understand the god damn fake mask, and quite frankly it itches and I want to take this god awful smile away when it’s not true. I will do it, either your in or your out. Choose, looking at my coffin or laughing beside me on the way down? I don’t want you to die…. Of corse I don’t 🙁 but you won’t let me go, without you too… And.. I can’t take it. Your life or the time in this everlasting nightmare
Hi… I really need to get something off my chest, so I’m posting it here and I hope no one will mind. This is going to be kind of a long ramble. So, I’m 21 years old. I have no friends, and I have never had friends. My mother is overbearing, my father a drunk. I’m awkward around people, which is probably because I’ve only spoken to a few people in my entire life. (I’m on the extreme end of the social anxiety spectrum and I’ve always found it difficult to talk to people I don’t know.) People give me strange looks whenever I walk […]
Note: I wrote this after I was blackmailed and cyber raped
***
Ashes to Ashes I am covered
Blood rushing through my veins
Blood rushing through my head
Blood rushing out of me
I once was a pure, strong one
Filled with light and alivliness
Now darkness consumes me
And I have fallen My heart crushed
My mind gone mad, And my body shattered
Ashes to Ashes I am shattered
Shattered to the core
I wake from my sleep
To walk in my never-ending nightmare
I was once alive
I once had strong wings to soar
I once was pure with light
Now I am dead
My wings weak, no longer able to soar
I am no longer pure and filled […]
For ten years I’ve messed around with my brain. I was never happy and I’m still not. I’ve lost almost everything that matters.
Last night I woke up screaming. I was asleep, had JUST fallen asleep, and in my ‘dreams’ I was talking on the phone when I had a seizure. It felt so real. I fell forward, unable to reach the phone just staring at it. Finally I screamed. And that woke me up. This happens all the fucking time.
I laid there and I realized, the dreams really aren’t that bad. Even that terror that I feel at the last minute before the screaming wakes me, at […]
(I’ve been working on this for quite some time)
There’s nothing quite like that feeling of rolling up one of your dreams like an old news paper, and placing it in that ubiquitous furnace in your mind. The place you send thoughts to get rid of them. Like an unpleasant situation, or a traumatic experience, what was once your dream is now your nightmare, and you suppress your thought, realizing it’s beyond you, accepting that your dream…will remain just that. A pigment of the picture of the figment of the imagination. As thin and immaterial as ether. Putting to rest your airy desire for love […]