i grew up with both my parents being psychologists, arguing was usually a nightmare, watching them fight before the divorce was almost worse not that i was ever too broken up about it. What it taught me though was a very good understanding of the mental health system, and more so how to deceive it my entire life, i knew what to say and how to say it, which kept me out of the wards even when i was walking around with massive cuts on my arms. You see the problem with lying though is you distort reality, and thats just what i did and […]
Tag:
Nightmare
Fucking brilliant. I have a tooth infection. Second one in two years, despite excellent dental hygiene (I’ve been a nazi about this stuff since I was 16 and had a prolonged nightmare involving braces and tooth enamel). I’ve had a migraine for two days straight, unrelenting, very little sleep, and now I’ve figured out why. Tooth infections are the most fun, amazing things.
So… probably going to the hospital. Again. I think I should just rip my goddamn teeth out of my head so I don’t have to put up with this shit anymore. They’re more trouble than they’re worth when you don’t have insurance. Either […]
For as long as I remember, the darkness has been a comfort and a haven to me, my only one really, when I was little I never crawled in my Mums bed. I never had a nightmare when I slept in the dark. It’s tranquil and still, I knows some people are afraid of the dark and I know there are reasons for that.
I think the dark holds no terror for me because I always carry a little of the shadow with me, granted sometimes it’s a real ***** to manage and sometimes I break down but the dark is always there in the […]
Whenever I imagine ways to commit suicide, I cannot help but to imagine even more ways of something going wrong. When I imagine screwing up and placing myself in an even worse nightmare, such a terrible feeling wells up within me and I become afraid of attempting suicide. I feel so trapped because of this, and because I believe at some point in my life it really is going to be the humane thing for me to do, and I don’t think I can get anyone to do it for me. I feel like I want to convince a physician to please euthanize me, but I know they won’t do it.
I just spent the whole day at work sittin oan my arse at my desk silently greetin’ to myself. Trying to hide the tears from my boss and getting absolutely nae work done! There really was no point getting out of bed this morning!
I couldn’t take my mind off the abortion, and what’s more the radio kept on debating about it and it’s bloody morality!
It wis a right nightmare o’ a day so now i’m goin tae the shop getting myself some cold beer and drinking the rest ah the day away!
I’m sick fed up o feelin like this i just go from […]
It’s these days, where I lay in bed and think about my life and how it has turned into a nightmare over the passed years. All time long everything seemed fine and I had my own perfect little world. In the beginning this world was build up by my best friend whom I met in the elementary school nearly 13 years ago for the first time. Since then we were the greatest friends. We both didn’t have many other friends, it was just the both of us, just like Tom and Huckelbarry. Well every perfect story has it’s downside. The one of this is, […]
Maybe it’s the way I look or the fact that I have a stutter that turns people off. Combined with having low self-esteem and poor social skills, who’d really want to talk to me, let alone be my friend? Every experience throughout my life has been nothing but miserable, and whenever I reminisce, I’m reminded of how much of a loser I was and still am. What’s even worse is watching my younger sister experience everything I missed out on.
High school was a complete nightmare trying to cope with my stutter, and bullying, along with having friends who did nothing but laugh at my disability, […]
So every single morning, I wake up. Obviously, either wise i wouldnt be here right now and you wouldn’t be reading this crappy entry. but oh well. anyways, i do my normal routine, get ready for school, stare at myself in the mirror, criticize myself, decide whether or not i should skip breakfast, blahblahblah. sounding familiar? .. then i get to school, dont know who to be around with in the morning, should i hang out with my backstabbing friends , or be a loner and get looks and shit? i choose the latter most times. school goes pretty fine, heart hurts everytime i see […]
   Today, one of the worst days of my life. It well.. started yesterday. Me and my boyfriend had an argument. Turns out he doesnt trust me. This is the second time he thinks im cheating on him! Anyways, we were talking..them came the yelling, and well then nothing. He left. Just like that. So today, at school i tried to talk to him, say sorry. But he would ignore me the whole time. I ended cutting again… Its been like 2 weeks that i havent cut until today..at school. I guess i needed it again. To help me take my mind off things. and […]
Ever lived my life or spent on minute in my shoes? No! Well then please, tell me why you judge me like you do. Life is a dream upon which death awakens us… Not all dreams are good… not all dreams are bad… Do you want to wait for one’s death to understand or to care?
Each day everyone of us face many obstacles at almost every walk of life. Sometimes it’s hard to explain. We go through stress, anger, hurt and pain. There’s moments of sadness, frustration, and even depression. Sometimes we feel incredibly insane. Then there’s moments when some of us feel like giving […]
Normally when I have a flashback or nightmare I write about it in my journal. Today I decided to post about it on here just so that I don’t have to keep this mess hidden inside me. This is hard for me to write about so I’m sorry if it doesn’t make too much sense.
I don’t usually have good sleeps, some nights I don’t sleep at all. I’m terrified of the dark in fear of my abusers getting me. Last night I dozed off, I didn’t fall asleep, just went into a trance to try to calm myself. Around 10am this morning I was triggered when I […]
Hello there, The angel from my nightmare, The shadow in the background of the morgue….
by Nat....
written by Nat....
I have breakdowns. Because I have mental health problems. And these breakdowns are quite possibly some of the scariest things I have to endure. I don’t get a choice, They can happen at random. And yeah, Sometimes I want support.. So I attention seek. But considering at all other times all I am trying to do is make others happy, I thought people would be able to let that go.. But no.
I’m fucking sick of this. The world is a cruel selfish *****, Just like me probably. I know most of you have thought that before.. I wanted to stick around for the good things […]
i wanna leave this “world” aka my hell
i dont like walking round school and hearing people talk about me and laughing or writing shit about me on facebook or girls toilets,i dont want for everyone to look at me like im no good for anyone.
i couldnt help what happen to me,people say to me why didnt u scream help or rape,unless u wanted it to happen but i cant say what i want to say,i want to tell them why i didnt scream,cos when your so scared you try to scream but the words wont come out,inside your screaming so […]
This entry is somewhat of a re-cap of things I’ve posted before, but I feel that I can’t say it enough. I hope those of you who read this understand that I’m not preaching or exaggerating. On the contrary, I suggest you do your own research and make decisions based on your own findings. I believe that society has failed this generation far more than this generation has failed society. I believe that this culture is probably beyond repair and has been for quite some time. I believe it started at the dawn of civilization when man invented religion. Society condemns itself without question. The […]
i am only 20 pounds overweight at 6’8. i have really high cholesterol though. I’m in college now and i workout for 3.5 hours on average everyday and a lot more on the weekends. so Why in the fucking hell can’t i stop sweating when i walk to class on a 5min walk. Girls come up and flirt with me all the time and I’m always sweating. like its so fucking annoying. help
i Never Had a good Relationship with my Mom, she was Always out of the picture & on Drugs.
i Always wanted a mom Like The other kids in 4th Grade that would come & pick you up from school & just love you unconditionally. We fought , And Argued, She Told me She was Leaving Agian To NewMexico, i didnt really mind she had left multiple times . When she had gotten up there she called me maybe a month later saying she was pregnant, i Hated the Man she was with , He gotten her to take heroine agian, and she wasnt the same, She Said to me , […]
I’ve tried everything to get better. Meds, therapy, at least 7 hospital stays, vitamins, diet, ECT…10 years i’ve been in this hell! My last episode has lasted all of this year and most of last year, without a break!! I’m never happy for longer than half a day at a time and that happens very rarely (maybe once a month). I’ve been suicidal for over 7 months since my ECT treatment failed to help me. I’ve seen over 8 psychiatrists and none have helped. My current doctor’s only suggestion was to come off meds entirely (cause they do nothing) and find a new therapist. That’s it. […]
I’m no longer daddy’s little girl. The princess of his castle. There is no wonder left, no stories of wonderful lands and castles in far away places. Just the terrifying nightmares that haunt me in my sleep. The ones of innocence taken away, the ones of betrayal. Daddy stars in my nightmare and this time he brought friends. Because I have no hope of being successful there’s only one thing I’m good for now.
I stand lost in my nightmare with pain and sadness. I see myself shatter time and time again. And then suddenly I’ve had enough i can take no more pain. I don’t want to feel anymore so I […]
Had a few good (sort of) days. Now the depression is coming back like it always does. Suffering 2 month long dakr depression for 2 to 3 days of mild happiness? Who ever said it was worth it was a wonderful optimist. The sad part is the depression is getting worse and darker and playing with my suicide button I don’t really hide at all within myself. I dare it to push it. But no…The depression gets longer into the burning depths while the “happy†days shorten. It makes me want to go back to cutting so I can endure this predictability more easily and […]
Hi guys,
I’m just new here at this website and for a long time I keep myself seeking things related to suicide on internet and I got really into it after my life got really sux around six years ago. (I have a really large problem that cannot be solved easily)
Nowadays I hate the major I’ve chosen (since 2005 and I still not graduated!!), my job, where I live, my routine and my completely life. I read many testimonials here today and maybe I decided to start to share what brings me down everyday and my permanent nightmare.
I don’t expect any help from you, but sharing […]