35 year old white male….educated, athletic, comedic, drug addict, truth searcher, lazy, the average person would say I have so much to offer…..I see there is no purpose, but I know many are in pain….., I really want to know if people who really believe they are happy have a gene switched on that allows them to believe their own lies, somehow my father understands all of this but is content with life…..playing golf and gambling….I honestly don’t know how he does it, I guess I am afraid to die since I have been suicidal since I was 10. I can make anyone laugh, make […]
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no purpose
does it make sense that i hate myself because im too skinny? Most people hate being too fat i hate being too skinny. I want to be strong, i want to be big. Someone girls find attractive. Not someone they laugh at cause my body type is like a 5th grader. I want to be someone’s first option. Not “oh i invited 20 other people youre the 21st. wanna come” i want to be a friends first option, a girls, my fucking mother. I cant even be a first option to my mother. It makes you feel useless. I dont do anything. I sit home […]
I love her I need her so much she’s my everything and she left. I can’t get her back and I now I have no purpose. She stitched this broken man back together and then tore out the staples leaving me more broken than before but I need her so badly
Hi. I’m new here.
I don’t know what to beleive in.
Hope is useless.
The last time I actually had fun was a long while ago. I don’t have anything I really care about.
I guess what I’m saying is I don’t feel like I have a purpose. I have no reason to be. And when something I own has no reason to be, it accumulates dust in my closet.
I don’t want to accumulate dust in the closet. I want to do something.
I have a couple friends but I… I don’t know if… I don’t know whose side they’re on. I know a girl and we go out sometimes, but she […]
I have nothing left to care for and I have nothing left to think about. I’m alone in the world and that sucks. I feel like I have no purpose and I feel completely useless, no one wants to know me, no one wants to care for me, no one wants me. My life has succumbed to a ball of nothing, my cold black heart longs to no longer beat and my mind is left to ponder the though of the blackness and nothing of death must be a bitter sweet relief to the heaviness the world has become for me. I no longer wish […]
I have been thinking for years that this stupid life should stop.
No purpose, what am i living for?
I m hearing those voices in my head saying “i want to die” over and over again, I was feeling better once i said it to my future ex wife, but now she is gone.
It was not easy to keep it in myself, thinking of it everyday, failing at my feeble tries. My cat wake me up when i was falling asleep with a bag on my head, when having a fight with my wife, that knife i had in my hand, didnt had the edge to open […]
nothing is worth it anymore. I fuck up in innumerable ways without even trying. Turning to alcohol just makes it worse, causing even bigger failures. I never thought my life would turn out like this. Yes, I am smart, I have a future, how could I be so selfish, I have everything handed to me. I’m a wreck of human, inadequate at life, I have no purpose, no reason. I have messed up nearly everything and don’t want to wake up to face my consequences of anything. I’m reckless, and very soon I won’t be here any longer, unless the cats I work with this […]
I really just don’t see a reason to keep on going. There is absolutely no meaning to my life, I just feel so pointless. It’s so hard to get out of bed now, I don’t want to go to school, I don’t want to eat. I just want to stop being because it’s gotten so hard to drag my feet. I feel like I’m carrying a thousand tons on my back. I keep dropping things but the weight keeps growing heavier and heavier. I can’t seem to find a way to lighten my steps. I drop pound after pound but I still feel so heavy. […]
I had a fleeting thought of shooting myself with a shotgun while urinating, moments ago. I imagine the upon the blast you would feel great pain, and would get an ear ringing sensation. Then your cranium, and the surrounding flesh would be turned to compost. Of course death would occur somewhere within the moment your head is intact and your flesh blends into a pile of chum. Just seems like such a violent way to go. Certainly a certain way to get the job done, that’s for certain, but all the more sickening.
I simply can’t shoot myself, the thought of it is so unsettling. Of […]
I am 34 years old. I am absolutely worthless. I am alone and will always be that way because I am the ugliest creature on the planet (short, fat, and the most disgusting butterface anyone has ever had the displeasure of laying eyes on). I have no hope to ever be loved. I have been trying so hard to be happy and I was doing well for a while. I was volunteering, working with kids since I will never have any of my own but my sister screwed that up by starting some shit with the wrong people online and dragging me down with her […]
Everyone lies. People upon people pass us by, fake smiles plastered upon their lips, a reassertion of their so-called happiness as they walk down the rain-spattered streets. Lying is as natural in humans as it is to breathe.
So why am I constantly paralyzed by my secrets? Why am I haunted by the constant weight of the extent of my depression. There is not a single night that passes that I could not feel the cold claws of guilt eat me up. The air turns to fire in my lungs, suffocating me, burning out the life from right inside. The hands that hold me near and […]
Hi guys, how are you? Me? Oh I’m splendid all things considered, thanks for asking.
Enough nonsense.
So this is my last post on here. Or at least the last post I’ll write to you lot on here. I may put something on tomorrow morning.
Wow, what a ride it’s been! I must say, I’ve far preferred the ups to the downs, but you play the hand you’re dealt. I must say I am one for emotional, drawn out and dramatic goodbyes, but I’ll make this mercifully quick.
All of my friends are out at a rugby match tonight, and I should be with them. I was with them […]
I don’t care about anything anymore. There is no passion left in me. No hope. I used to love reading. I would rapidly devour books. Now I slowly pick through them. I would avidly consume films. Now I get bored and turn off. It all seems hollow.
The world holds no real interest for me. No intrigue. It is empty. Things just …are. There is no purpose to it. No fairness. No intrinsic meaning. Just stars, planets, animals, people, doing what they do. It’s sometimes beautiful, sometimes hideous, but ultimately……empty.
Our civilization is slowly but surely destroying itself, and I don’t even care. We’re on course to […]
I’ve found myself wanting to post something on here at least once a day. I don’t really have anything to add, nothing happened today so I’m just going to put up one paragraph I’ve just written. I’m writing a cumulative note to any and all of my family, comprising of my thoughts leading up to the big sleep. I want them to understand as much as possible.
Enjoy.
“I don’t really know why I’m writing this paragraph, and there is a high probability I’ll delete it once I’ve finished writing it. You see, I’ve taken to just writing, its cathartic for me, but it’s almost like a […]
do i deserve to live? i took my own childs life away? he couldnt speak, he couldnt say no, he couldnt fight for his life and i took it away from him, i could have had a beautiful 1 year old boy to this day and i still would have been with my girlfriend but now i have fucked that all up and im left alone with nothing no one to love no purpose to live or go on i want my baby back i want to be with him up in heaven. is that so bad?
I met my beautilful girlfriend at work, I have been single for 13 years so I could raise my 2 girls, they are older now so I wanted to find someone. I loved everything about my gf, beautiful, inteligent, her speacial smile just for me, she called me babe or love. She has 3 kids, was in an abusive marriage, last 3 boyfriends cheated on her, I told her I loved her with all my heart and would never hurt her or cheat on her. I would pick her and her baby up in morning, drop baby at babysitter and drive us to work, pick […]
I have been cursed with depression for about 15 years now. I have been so distant and hurting I have pushed everyone I have ever loved or cared about away. I have horrible nightmares and wake up crying. I am alone and it feels so empty. No future, no purpose, no happiness. I don’t know how much longer I can pretend every day. What I really want to do is crawl into a hot tube with a couple bottles of wine and just go to sleep. I don’t know what to do next.
I don’t feel welcome or wanted anywhere. I don’t understand what iv’e done, but no one seems to want to talk to me or hang out with me or anything and i hate it. What even is the point in my existence? there is no purpose for me in this world I’m useless at everything and no one seems to like me. The only thing that stops me from “not existing” is the reaction from my family and my boyfriend ( who lives 300 miles away so that sucks a lot too as he is the only person who actually helps me). I couldn’t bare […]
I was raised in a Muslim family.. so naturally my parents taught me everything that I need to be taught to be a good Muslim, there was no room for me to make a choice about what I want to believe in, it was obvious that I will be leading my life based on what God wrote in the holy book.
In my teenage time I started noticing that some of the practices in religion contradicted what I think is right! So I begun making up explanations about what my religion is all about, trying to make it fit my principles, but I was obviously just making excuses, […]
I need help fml fml oh my god I can’t take life anymore. The girls at school won’t leave me alone, the guys hate me. I try to be nice but always wind up being the mean one because they hurt me. Freshman year sucks I only get 3 hours of sleep a day and every night I chug down 6-7 sleeping pills hoping I’ll die but sAdly wake up the next day. everyone thinks im a whore though I’ve nevr done anything sexual in my life. Im basically my little sister second mom. no purpose here. If I left nobody would really care. Maybe […]