So, im new here. Ive had manic depression since i was a child. But in the last few months ive been on a terrible low. I was thrown out of my house, due to an argument with a roomate that escalated to blows, they had a kid, they got to stay. So now im living in my parents basment, i lost my job when i lost my place. Realy the only thing keeping me sane at the moment are the chemicle kisses (drugs) and my childhood friend… But now he is trying to get clean… And i support his decision, drugs are bad…. Mkay? But […]
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nothing
I tried to kill myself last Tuesday. I don’t remember anything except waking up in the hospital. This was my third attempt. How do I keep surviving? I pray so much that my prayers are me actually begging God to help me. Still no answers. Am I here to be punished? People speak of a hell after we die. Does it really exist or is this really hell and there is nothing after this. I want to believe so bad there is something good after this hell i’m in on this earth.
I have nothing better to do so I’m cutting myself. I feel to overwhelmed and unmotivated to do anything else, like studying for exams. I think I do it for attention to a certain extent because I do it in a noticeable place.
What if I told you I was suicidal?
You would say, “Suicide is for the weak. The ones who can’t bear to live anymore.”
But I’m not weak. I’m choosing to kill myself. Does that show weakness?
What if I told you I had nothing to live for anymore?
You’d tell me the meaning of life is to be happy. What about my parents and friends?
What if I told you I had no friends?
“What friends?” I’d ask. “The ones who think I’m just a moody *****? The girls who are too immature to understand what […]
No family.
no friends.
no feelings.
no reason to keep on going.
i’m barely able to do anything.
at least i’m not depressed any more, but i sometimes miss feeling the sadness.
i spend most of my time thinking about suicide.
Do some things just make your blood boil? This is unrelated to depression / suicide, though this is one of the many reasons why I’m pissed at how terribly run and inefficient the USPS and 99% of all companies are.
So I ordered something from Amazon. The sent it via USPS. USPS claims that they attempted delivery at 1:03pm on Monday, Jan 18. On MLK Day. Yeah, on MLK Day. What bullshit is that? USPS was CLOSED that day. They weren’t making any goddamn deliveries. Tracking says that “delivery was refused.” I assumed they’d just redeliver […]
Some will say nothing, some will say heaven/hell, reincarnation.
What would happen if you die by suicide?
A man told me once, that if it isn’t your time, and you are rejected from heaven, but your body is unable to have your soul back (exsanguinated or something), you will stuck between the membrane of the earth and heaven.
I don’t believe in heaven.
What do you believe?
It’s 5am , don’t want to sleep. My life is a jungle I shouldn’t have traversed and I’m stuck in the quicksand of my own errors. Things will not change for me. I will eventually be swallowed and surrounded by warm shadows. I want nothing, I want to be nothing. There’s almost nothing left of me. I switch from being numb to being in pain until once again I feel nothing, a maelstrom that I will never escape. Maybe it’s time I got off this ride.
There may be no doors for this Dungeon, but there’s still a way out.
I feel like nothing, and I can only see one way of how to get out of it
by nicole123
written by nicole123
I feel like nothing . I am nothing. I don’t do anything anymore . Today I skipped my job interview because I was tired and I was scared . I never used to be like this ? I’m terrified of being judged . So I didn’t go .
I have another tomorow so I’ll try to go … But I’ve been having social anxiety for months now . People used to say I was a social butterfly.
I’ve been thinking about suicide a lot lately . There is nothing in my life that makes me remotely happy. Absolutely nothing . Probably eating. But suicide is the […]
I wounder everyday, for what reason have I been put on this planet, why was I born – what difference am I making to this shitty world? The struggle for everyday survival, the 9-5 deadbeat job and the same constant fucking routine; that we call everyday life.
I can’t move on, there’s nothing to look forward to anymore, nothing to smile, care, love and be happy about; Just pain, misery loneliness. I walk down the street, see happy people all around me, couples holding hand – kissing, children playing etc. The people who helped destroy my relationship, the ones who I once […]
Everyday is the same never f*cking ending routine. I get up, eat, go to work, come home and lay around until my body succumbs to drowsiness. I do nothing in my free time anymore. My passion for art is completely dead and my friends never invite me to do anything. They don’t text me or even come close to asking if they want to hang out with a loser like me. I feel alone. I feel uncared for. I feel unappreciated. I’m rotting from the inside out. Why the hell was i born if I was meant to suffer? If I was meant to hate […]
Idk why, I lived for 20 years and always did what I wanted . The thing is, if after death is nothing,why not go into that nothing?
What could be more awesome than to return into the nothingness we came from.
I’m going to kill myself. The world would be better without me. Who would miss me? I could count the people on one hand? Suicide is not selfish. It is in fact selfish of the people around me to not let me let kill myself. I should have done this years ago. I live alone. It would take days for anyone to notice. No one would check. He wouldn’t give two shits. He’s moved on. You were unimportant to him. You really are unimportant to several people. The only people who might care are mom and dad. Everyone else will move on. That’s what people […]
It feels like my depression isn’t as bad, but it’s only because I feel so emotionless now. I can barley have a conversation with someone, I’m not interested in having a conversation with anyone. My mind feels blank but my head is full.
I have been like this for a couple of days. I have been depressed for a long time but now I finally feel so empty, a lot of the time I’m just staring mid air thinking about nothing. I have no interest in anything and most things just seem boring to me now. I just feel so hopeless, purposeless, like nothing.
But I don’t want to die? I’m so tired of feeling as depressed as I do. None of the drugs I’ve been prescribed have worked for me. Nothing makes me happy anymore. My friendships are ending one by one, and I can’t even seem to care about that anymore. I can’t…
The mind-numbing monotony of my life is driving me fucking insane. I feel like a dead person already.
How many days of my life have I wasted doing nothing? I don’t want to think about it.
On Wednesday it was Challenge Day.
I had turned in a permission slip so I was called down to the gym.
When I walked in I was terrified. I only knew one person in there and she had her own friends so it was like I was alone. Everyone sat in this big circle in the middle of the gym. I thought we would have to talk in front of everyone. I cringed every time they said we would play a game.
As time passed, (I was still scared but not as much) we were told to get in our assigned groups. In the beginning of that activity, […]
I was so done after this veteran was full of crap when I dated him. I even went out of my way to get transportation to see him. That’s how much I cared. He told me he was in love with me and other sweet things. I get too caught up in words. They mean nothing. After seeing him and not hearing from him, I went on the dating site and told him off. I told him I hope someone breaks his heart. He said he couldn’t find my number, but he could have easily found me on the dating site like I found him. […]
As I feel closer and closer to the end i have a sense of happiness and excitement for some strange reason. I don’t know if it’s the thought of leaving everything behind and not having to suffer any longer or what awaits me on the other side. Last night I sat in my room looking at old family photos and it brought a smile to my face of all those happy memories but now so distant and forgotten. I’m just not cut out for this world never have and never will be, so what’s the problem in me just ending it all now? I have […]