This is my final year if highschool. I have no will to continue going to school, it makes me miserable. I have no will to continue working. I am payed well for my age, $14hr is great money for a highschooler, but I haven’t been able to enjoy it. I feel myself spiriling into another bout. This happens every month. My job is physical, fast paced and stressful. At times, I feel my body and mind trying to shut down on me. I’ve wanted to just give up, lay on the floor and cry at work many times. I should be happy to […]
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nothing
So, I am very new to this, but I have read a lot of these. My life doesn’t seem to make a blip on the radar of all the other people out there who struggle. But, no matter how small I feel about these things, they still hurt. I mean, I am so depressed that I don’t want to move, I don’t want to think, and most days, I don’t even want to be alive. I used to write stories, and poems, and even used to keep a journal updated daily, but lately, I haven’t wanted to do anything. My parents say that all of this is my fault, […]
I feel nothing for anyone around me. Those that say they care, are more easily consumed by their own interests. I hate my life. I hate waking in the morning, the façade of a life I present to others, the happiness I show people daily, and, more so, not being able to sleep with my own thoughts at night. Why do I continue? Why keep up this farce of a life? Am I that weak? Can I not end this charade? I guess nothing ends….
I gather courage from pain. Each day, I put my uniform on, knowing I am hated. My only hope is to cross paths with a person that hates me […]
Trembling, tumbling, turning
Down the spiral I go
All these feelings, no one will ever know
Who’s to say this gun won’t blow
Live a day through my eyes
See all the happy little lies
Paranoia sets in, creepy little spies
Voices in my head like pesky demon flies
I can’t escape these dark skies, for all I want is nothing but to die…
Yet again I’m stuck in a shit hole.. Another sleepless night.. Trapped in hell.. All I do is try and try to find answers I know will never appear.. I search and search and dig so deep with nothing but more tears to weep… What’s the point in going on when all you feel you had is gone?… You’ve failed at all you attempted, you never finished anything… There is really no way to become more of a fucking disappointment. I’m sorry that I embarrass you.. I’m sorry you’re ashamed when I’m around.. I’m sorry I have never and will never accomplish anything significant.. I’m […]
I haven’t been on here in a while, but everything has started going downhill. It’s like I’m falling into a vortex of pain and misery, and I just can’t seem to escape. Grades are down, friends are lost, the only thing I can do now is throw myself into swim training and hope that the exhaustion takes my mind off how I’m feeling. I’ve been chasing a dream for my entire life. I just realised that it wasn’t my dream that I was chasing. For some people, they can imagine where their future leads them, where they will be in 10, 15 years. For me, […]
I have been in this depressed state for as long as I can imagine. I am now 20 years old and have been feeling hopeless ever since I was about 11 or 12. I’ve hated my life since then and nothing has gone right for me. This is the first time on this, making this my first post. I have had such a lonely life for as long as I can imagine and I’ve never felt worse than I do now.
I am basically the black sheep of my entire family. I do not talk to anyone, no on invites me to anything (from my cousins), […]
As I begin to lay down for another sleepless night, I ponder at the thought of just dying. Of taking my own way out because the anxiety and depression have overwhelmed me and once again beat my ragged body to nothing. My legs now quiver and my heart beat echoes through the night. Yet, I’m confused of what I’m afraid of in the moment. The lifeless black surrounding me in the box I struggle to rest in, gives little comfort. So I’ll pull my ragged body off the ground, grab my razor, and put my mind to sleep.
Hi again.
Today was pretty stressful, as are most days. I feel like I’m writing to a diary but people are actually commenting, so that makes me feel a little better about it. In the last post I used initials for the people’s names in case they find this and try and do something about it. My ex-best friend are out for blood, and it’s not their own.
Basically, my friend T is actually my friend, but I found it out a little later on. This morning she was hugging one of my friends and I walked up to her and she walked straight past me like I wasn’t […]
So, I know many of us were not able to complete uni/college and some of us are busy in the middle of doing so. Well, I am from a different end of the spectrum and am in a position I never thought any one could be in…I finished my bachelors, in my final year I had a very severe mental break down yet still managed to pass (albeit at the bear minimum).
So whats the problem, you may be wondering? Well, you see…I don’t remember anything from my degree. I literally (I’m not making this up) know nothing. Might as well not have done it. Yep […]
People say that I’m selfish, how can I give anything if I have nothing to give? I have no job, no car, no money, no nothing. How could I be so selfish if I have nothing myself? People say that I’m conceited, how am I conceited, I’m not even pretty anymore, There’s nothing in it for me, I’m disappointing people without saying a word, why am I such a failure?
I’ve lost just about everything to depression. All my friends hate me because they don’t understand…I used to play the piano and violin and draw and paint and now…I just sit around waiting for nothing. My grades have dropped a lot too. I’m surprised I’m still alive though. I wrote a suicide note, I have the pills it takes, now it’s only a matter of time.
I am so absolutely and unbelievably sad. I’ve had to stop my medication because I can’t afford it; it’ll be over a month before I can restart my medication for my bipolar treatment.
In the meantime, there is nothing that I can do to alleviate this sadness. It is a burden that is slowly and adroitly killing me. I am just so very tired of being cursed.
I am alone.
I’m so tired of this world and everything in it… I’m 36 years old, my mom has paranoid schizophraenia, my youngest brother was adopted out of my family due to that, my dad tried to kill me when I was young, I was molested for almost 8 years, and these are all of the things I have learned to accept.
No matter what I do in life, I feel like I am constantly starting over and constantly getting shit on. I give up everything I know, in my country and in my life, to move from the states to the UK to be with my wife […]
I feel like someone else i don’t like looking at myself i hate everything i do. i miss her dearly i hate that we are separated. i wish i could be happy. i think about killing myself but that wont help get her back. i try hanging out with friends but nothing helps. i dont get sleep anymore. i wish you loved me back. i wish you cared about me. sometimes i get so angry i hit myself. i blame all of our problems on me. i miss you daisy….. i want you here with me having fun. but your out there talking to someone. […]
The tears can’t stop coming out. I can’t stop hyperventilating.
She’s gone. I’m never going to see her again. And yet, she’s alive and well.
There is no worse feeling. I thought what I’d felt last winter was harsh. But that was nothing.
I’ve lost. I’ve lost so much. Someone help me. Someone please fucking help me.
It’s not only a reminder of how fucked up my life is, it’s also a blow in the face having to talk to those family members who will call me asking me how I’ll celebrate and how many friends I’ve invited and how much fun I’m going to have. They know nothing. And the fact that that hasn’t changed in the last years only shows how much I mean to them. Exactly, pretty much close to not a tiny bit. The only thing I wish for my birthday is that I don’t have one. Just leave me fucking alone and stop pretending you care.
I’am tired of everything, of the night, of the day, of myself, of other people, of things that I have to do, I just wanna end my life, but I fear the pain, I want to find a way to die at minimum pain, I find that there’s nothing in this world that interests my anymore, I’ve seen much things if not all, anyway inside my(in my soul) I feel a void, an emptyness, I can’t feel emoutions anymore, I feel like a zombie, I don’t understand what I’am doing here on this planet earth, I think that it was an error that I was […]
I am not normal… well lets face it is anyone truly “normal”? I’ve always had problems as a child with bullying I never really had any friends as well, no one I could really trust anyhow.. I was always to myself very secluded and alone… Then just as I thought things were looking up for me…. everything fell right back down with no ladder to climb out of.
It was my sophomore year of high school and I finally felt for the first time in a long time I belonged somewhere, I fitted in…
I even met these two girls, and at the time I thought they […]
The more I sit here in this dark wrecked place I’ve made for myself I wonder why? Why did things work out like this? Why did everything change? Could I have done more? Should I have done less? Should I have begged and pleaded? Why? Why is this all so crazy? What is all this insanity? I’m going insane? I’m dead I’m dying… Why? Why must I have to keep going on? Why can’t I just be released from all this agony?!?! A thousand tears and nothing left to weep.. Now what? Where do I turn? I have nothing.. No one.. Please… I’m so […]