I’m out on the beach, and it’s really crowded. There’s at least 3 feet of space between myself and other beach bums. It’s really hot and sticky out there. There’s not a single cloud in the sky, besides a few swipes and swirls of cloud matter here and there. My hair is a knotty and matted mess from the sea water and all of the wind, and I’m trying my best to relax and let go of all the tension in my head. It’s hard to though, because not only am I uncomfortable in my black bathing suit, but I have a sort of paranoia […]
Tag:
Nothingness
Like I never thought I’d be the one to be suicidal but I can’t stand my reality and the thoughts I have. It’s really really agonizing and frustrating. Like I think of things that shouldn’t even matter. Like why am I human and why do I have to be human and see other humans all the time. Like humans are stupid and weird. I like weird but its unexplainable. I just feel very very repulsed as a human. I can’t stand it, makes me wanna kill myself everyday but I don’t cause I gotta live for my family and boyfriend. I also can’t […]
Let me just begin by saying that i have contemplated suicide many times in my life time, mostly during my adolescence, but just recently also. I have been observing this page for a few days, and have been reading all of your posts.
I happened to stumble upon this article while searching near death experiences, and was amazed and humbled by the words so much that i began to cry. (not from sadness, but from the pure warmth of peace) I hope this brings you peace, and if not peace, a better understanding on why you are here now, and why we all MUST suffer sometimes… […]
I had a cyst on my wrist, right near the vein. I cut it out. It didn’t hurt much even though I had to cut very deep. I’m sorry if that’s gross but whatever. It actually felt nice to cut that deep again. And I thought, well if I were to slit my wrists then I think it’d be about the same. I don’t think it would hurt much and the relief of slipping into nothingness would be the best feeling ever.
Nothingness would be so much better than constantly hating myself.
And nothingness would be better than constantly envisioning my suicide, and that I […]
What do you do when the pain so great that you just want to die but you cant because you know that if you do you will be pretty much killing your mom, dad and a couple of kids who look up to you. Â What do you do? Â I cant find a job. Â If I had money I would smoke some weed and I wouldn’t even think of suicide because when I’m high the reverse happens and I start thinking about survival. Â But I have nothing. Â I watch the damn Illuminati controlled TV all day. Â Even McDonalds wont call me back for an interview. Â I’m […]
“I don’t understand why we must do things in this world, why we must have friends and aspirations, hopes and dreams. Wouldn’t it be better to retreat to a faraway corner of the world, where all its noise and complications would be heard no more? Then we could renounce culture and ambitions; we would lose everything and gain nothing; for what is there to be gained from this world? There are people to whom gain is unimportant, who are hopelessly unhappy and lonely. We are so closed to one another! And yet, were we to be totally open to each other, reading into the depths […]
Some nights when I am having a hard time falling asleep, I finally get there and I awake suddenly. Â In that split second when I open my eyes in the dark of my room in the middle of the night I feel like I have seen and felt death. Â I feel its nothingness, I see it’s darkness. Â It scares me and I notice my heart is pounding and I remain spooked for several minutes before finally sleeping, like a baby.
For the past four years I have sporadically found myself glancing at the final option, and for the last four years I have always immediately retreated from the idea, felt I was foolish to even have considered it. Last week I woke up and took a long look at it. Might not so be terrible. No more collecting shattered expectations. No more painting on a smile. No more cursing the God who created me. It’s starting to sound rather pleasant. Nothingness, not even silence. It would be nice.
If I kill myself I want to be feeling better, I want it to be a pretty day, I want to be in the woods, up in the mountains, I want it to be like that, and I want to be feeling something, like I don’t want to kill myself when I am feeling completely nothing and flat.
crying feels good, its the terrible nothingness that scares the shit out of me
i want to die in a place that is special and think/feel the things that were special to me
and then i think i could die
(the other night i was suddenly not afraid to die and I felt immediately better, […]
Man, I don’t even know what I feel right now. I just feel so numb, so lost, so indifferent. I think indifference is even more unbearable than anger or sadness. I just want to feel again. I want things to matter. But nothing ever does. I just want the nothingness that is my existence to end. I need rest. I’m so very tired.
i’ve been having this feeling,
this feeling of nonexistence.
it’s as if i’m not quite here,
i have no purpose,
i’m nothingness,
worthless,
simply air.
Hello everyone, firstly let me say I just happened to drift onto this site in a rather accidental manner. And, upon reading some of your stories, I must say for not believing in yourselves, you are a extremely courageous and inspiring lot. I say this because you have shattered a costly visage that I, unwillingly, feel it is constantly my duty to maintain. Forgive me for being verbose, it is just I rarely speak about matters so personal in nature. Also, I shall try not to give you my life story but I feel like you deserve to know a bit more about the man […]
Darkness ahead
Soon we’ll be dead
The sun is fading fast
Light wasn’t meant to last
http://youtu.be/uCTgQJ9dqLI
We’re falling on too fast
Leaving behind the past
Nothingness around us
Oblivion has found us
I feel like everyone has a sob story or what some might call a good reason. “I’m insecure” or “I’m depressed” or “I’m abused”. That’s all sad and really painful and I get why you might just want to give up.
The thing with me is: I don’t even have any of that. It was a slow process, but at the same time it happened in the blink of an eye; a rush of clarity for me.
There’s nothing for me here. There never will be. Nothing had to happen to convince me of it, because I think I’ve always known.
Nothing ever feels right. […]
Dammit i feel like crap im scared to admit it. Ive just contradicted the past things ive said…i always do. Im really so confused. Fuck the paion is just so harsh it makes me want to give up and just stop trying because its too painfull to do anything. I admit im feeling shitscared about my dr appt today yes its orrational but nonetheless it is there. My thoughts just dominate me togeat lengths.
I honesrly dont even know what im thinking or what i want. its fuckinghard to explain
i havent had anysleep tonite. No desire for it i take […]
I walked last night on the cliffs, facing the Pacific Ocean. Alone. It was very late; nearly 2am. There was a mild mist coming from the ocean. The ocean before me was so vast, that you can’t but still your mind and feel the nothingness. Had I taken a boat, and sailed straight forward (as the crow flies), I would have possibly ended up in Queensland.
Then you equate the ocean with the eternity. Of course, it’s only a fallacy, as nothing is eternal. One day even this vast ocean will come to its end. But it’s a melancholic thought nonetheless, when humans do that […]
AT THE TIME I FELT:
1. I’m an incompetent and pathetic loser who has ruined his life and will never change because of his own laziness
2. I don’t give a fuck about other people or what they may think or feel , not even those who love and care for me. All I care about is satisfying my own sense of personal justice.
3. All I can think about is how much I hate myself and my existence. The ultimate self-punishment is suicide. These thoughts are driving me nuts and will continue unless I decisively end it NOW.
MY TIMELYÂ EPIPHANIES:
1. I CHOOSE to judge myself the way i […]
i am an adult, now. at least according to the law – i’ve been an adult for quite some time. i’m 23 years old, on my fourth year of university and nowhere near graduation. i’m majoring in something i don’t love because i don’t love anything. i live away from my family – which is and has been broken for eight years, my mother so depressed she can barely hold a conversation that isn’t self-deprecating and shame-laden, my dad so lonely that it’s physically painful to speak to him, my younger brother so, so angry – and my two friends, who are the only meaningful […]
An apex of happiness exists, but that point is far beyond my grasp. Every little hunk of happiness I have ever experienced has either been broken down or snatched away from me. I can’t keep it together, its just not within my ability. This world you have constructed wasn’t meant for people like me. I fall into a niche and all that happens to us is misery. We are the people who’s company you enjoy, but also the people you take advantage of, and the very same people you scoff at simultaneously. My relationships fall apart and I finally understand why: I don’t deserve any […]
The numbness is back. It’s getting worse. Ever since the only thing that made me happy, has gone. She made it go away. She made me forget it. Now it’s back when she’s gone. I felt numb when I thought she was gone for good… I should’ve been sad, but no, I felt numb. So now I know my numbness is going to be with me forever, even in the moment where I should’ve felt the sadest I’ve been, I felt numb. I can’t shake it off. I just can’t. It’s returning. This is the feeling that makes people want to die. I FUCKING HATE […]