“But sometimes, I can see myself sinking so far down. Getting so desperate for some sort of tangible stability or peace. I can see myself getting a gun and swallowing the barrel.. I can’t See myself ever pulling the trigger, but I can almost hear the defining silence that comes after the blast. And I just wonder. Is there anything after this? If so, could it be better? I just want to be stable. I want to be okay. I can picture this landscape. Tall grass and a weeping willow in the middle of the field. Mountains are barely visible against the cool summer sky. […]
Tag:
Old Friend
My kind of suicide isn’t suicide at all, as funny as that may sound.
The way I see it is that I don’t have to take my own life, life will take it for me. All I have to do is live. I mean, even if I get stricken with cancer I can be thankful I won’t live to an old age where I’m helpless, just get it over with. That’s worth the pain I think. I’ve seen an old friend die of cancer, in comparison to other ways one can go out, it didn’t seem that bad the way it hit him quick. And […]
I went to my old high school today. It was awful. I arrived and I couldn’t find anyone for a while so I just decided to randomly walk around the building for a while. I got made fun of for wearing my sunglasses indoors by some random dude (really? REALLY???) who apparently thought I was ‘trying to be cool’ (in reality I was just really fucking stoned… how sheltered are these people?)… I eventually ran into an old teacher of mine who found one of my old friends and I went to sit with her and two other visitors (apparently, she’s really popular??). I was […]
Last year me and my “best freind” became really close, for reasons that arent good but I’m happy they happened, we were the best of friends, I was there with her through a lot of crap. Then at the beginning of this year, she went back to her old friend, the one she got in a huge fight with, the one that ditched her for her boyfriend. Now, they are so close and I am just left behind. They never tell me anything, they leave me out of EVERYTHING. But I can’t let her go because if I did, I would have no one else. […]
What does it take to find somebody in this world who actually cares about your situation and who actually works for your benefit? All I keep meeting is people who turn towards their darkside for any little petty stupid thing and people who have nothing but LIES. Here I am, Amphetimine addict who has just had a dealer I’ve known for over a decade stop serving me and blanking me completely just because HIS stuff  made me paranoid and I guess it tripped him out a bit, after all we havent all got brain conditions due to drugs.
I cant find anybody else who sells it and EVERYBODYÂ I know […]
My story began about 6 months back. I had quit my job at HP and was preparing for some competitive exams. One day I noticed a text from my old friend. She used to be so nice to me in college and I did her a lot of favors. She was a noob with computers so I helped her out a lot in those days. Â This was back when we were in college and well, that was about 2 years ago. Â All this time, I had only thought of her as a friend but seeing her text after all those days. created a sort of […]
This song is my 8th grade year. The year when I made a life time of mistakes. I guess there not mistakes if you keep repeating them. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j6t-AgLT-LM
“I dont usually likes saying this to you over facebook mostly how lame it is, however if left unsaid i feel that the truth would just be gone sooner than can pass but im proud of you. im proud of how much youve taken advantage of tops. im proud of how much you bullshit you pushed through in the last while and most of all im proud of the fact that you havent givin up yet” 🙂
my old […]
im tired of my life. i just give and dont get. my mom needs me my dad needs me. some 16 year old friend of my mom needs me. i like her but turn she will probably never move to where i am even if i wait. she is not stable right now. my sister is always busy and not easy to talk to. my dad cut me out of his life. my mom just doesnt get how i feel. if i killed myself i would just be inconveniencing them. i woyldnt lose anything. yeah they care about me, but isnt every one supposed to? […]
Im excited.
No, really I am.
I’m going to Miami in a couple of days. It’s for my dad’s work and my cousins wedding. I’m going to see me family. im going to get out of this cold weather. Im going to see my cousin have the best day of her life.
Buuut, I’m also going to have to wear a swimsuit.
And, see my grandmas face fall when I walk in.
She doesnt like me that much. I’ve heard her say so. She doesnt approve of my “lifestyle”. She says Im a slutty, skater, who has no self control. I’m also a mess, bad example, and a future druggie.
Thanks […]
I started cutting again. My friends didn’t think I had the balls (pun intended since I’m a girl) well surprise mother fuckers. And I couldn’t get the smile off my face since I saw the blood. And razor, its been too long my old friend.
I was making a presentation today for a job interview and I came to the conclusion that I don’t really care about it. It doesn’t matter if I have the best job in the world, or if im smarter than anyone else. If im alone then I am the loser in the end.
So I am going to organize my life around the correct priorities. So no more games. they just numb the pain of being alone. This site is kind of doing the same. I spend a lot of time here and I guess its probably not the best thing for me. I should be going places and doing things. Which is very […]
-___________-I’m back to square one. The ones I trust don’t understand what I’m going through and now everyone thinks its funny to call me a slut and they think I’m lying about being sexually molested by my old friend v.v i give up
Ok so I posted a little poem I wrote on here called Wake Up Call. I wrote it quite a while ago actually, but I didn’t know how I could make it work. How was I supposed to end my life in a way that woke people up? But thanks to a stroke of luck, that problem has been solved, so I decided to post the poem. And I decided to put up some backstory here: Very recently I went to an old friend’s house. His uncle was in town and he had brought his key to a gun safe they keep at my friend’s […]
So , Its for me to believe that everyones sorty is differnt. This one..Well its beyond that.
I dont know how to explain my thought really, But im going to try to put you in my shoes, My state of mind.
*Big breath* Alright. . So sometimes that thing called Depression hits me, Makes me want to go home and cry, yell at everyone about my problems and just throw my hands around hoping that they will hit something to take away this pain.. This pain of loss. The pain of never being loved. Always getting walked out on, or forgotten. Im the type of […]
Hello. I am 21 years old and an old friend to depression. I believe I have always been depressed. In middle school and high school, I had no close friends. I have gone one date in my entire life. I am not academically gifted given the fact that I have no willpower. Three quarters ago, I had a 4.0 in college and now I have a 3.06. I feel inferior to my sister who has always been better at me at everything. My brother doesn’t give a shit about me at all and has attacked me on some of my issues. I have been to a counselour and a psychologist. Every time I talked […]
Trying to be friends with an ex
Difficult
Distances a bit better
But in most cases
Difficult
That is why no one believes in being friends with an ex.
I thought my friendship with this one certain ex was different
but i realized we were distanced.
Person lived in another area while I was in another.
Thought our friendship was different.
But I guess I was wrong
Friendship was nothing but a great disaster
Once I heard what was really going on.
I flipped out. Thought there was a great trust. But now I guess not. I believe that in the past they were all lies. Nothing but lies. If that person really trusted me, person would have […]
I edit and rewrote this poem. Originally not mine but from an old friend. A stranger; now…Â I suppose. The reason why I rewrote this, because it is very beautiful and that person used to mean a lot to me. Still do in a way… but its difficult.. Hope you guys like it.
My hands Shaking like a winter leaf clinging
to the tree against the frost-bitten
Howling wind
My legs buckle as if I am atlas holding the sky
Against this I cannot win It binds me
I am a redwood tree I cannot be moved
But If the skies will allow the wind to whisper
I will sway to its voice
If it […]
This song really sums up my feelings I just want to go be done with it
Tonight I Will Retire
Oh tonight I will retire
To the arms of my lover
The sweetest kiss she will give
As I lay down beside her
What will she think
When she awakes
Just to find I have left here
Oh tonight I will retire
To these hands with revolver
And I don`t fear death
I will commit
Like an old friend I`ve known forever
So come on in, take me on
No I won`t stay here no longer
And if I should taste fire
Save me not, I deserve to die
And oh tonight […]
Tonight I Will Retire
Oh tonight I will retire
To the arms of my lover
The sweetest kiss she will give
As I lay down beside her
What will she think
When she awakes
Just to find I have left here
Oh tonight I will retire
To these hands with revolver
And I don`t fear death
I will commit
Like an old friend I`ve known forever
So come on in, take me on
No I won`t stay here no longer
And if I should taste fire
Save me not, I deserve to die
And oh tonight I will retire
To loving arms of my savior
And we will walk through his […]
I posted here two years ago or more. I’m not really sure. I was thinking of ending my life that day and I know the general reasons why, but I don’t know what brought those thoughts so hard that day–just like today. Sitting in my chair, working, then suddenly, like a flash mob of pain and ache and emptiness. Fatelessness.
Everyone adores me for my personality now. I can’t believe how social I can be sometimes, and then nothing, nothing at all, but the desire for nothing, and peace, and a bed made of endless dreams. I know why people do heroin.
I’ve made a plan. I […]
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