Was going to contact someone about something that they probably already know. Their pic popped up now i cant. I wish I could go back in time and kill myself a decade ago at least.
I feel as if it’s only a matter of time before I try another attempt I can’t take being trapped in my own head anymore I think depression is a battle u win if u got the motivation to not give up I’m tired of fighting and nothing going right I literally have no motivation to save my self no more I always sabatage things and I hate myself of that I don’t understand why I do it some thing break that you can’t fix and having to live with the mess after I can’t take the pain anymore
I recently gathered myself together working on a better me but things have been making a comeback pretty bad I think this life just isn’t made for me I don’t think I can take the pressure or pain anymore
I’ve not been the greatest lately, and I haven’t paid nearly enough attention to all you wonderful people on this site. I don’t recognize half of your names, makes me feel old. Nonetheless, this site is for the suicidal, and I guess I can be counted among their number. I want to die, hell, not a day goes by that I don’t want to stick a gun in my mouth and paint the walls around me red. Thing is, I can’t do that. There are people out there that would die if I committed suicide, and I can’t let that happen. I don’t give a […]
Just because, I smile, doesn’t mean I don’t know pain
Just because, I laugh, doesn’t mean I’m not hurting inside
Just because, I don’t cry every moment of the day , doesn’t mean I don’t want to
Just because, I can seem strong, doesn’t mean every little thing can’t break me
Just because, I seem happy and okay, doesn’t mean I am
Just because, I say ” I’m fine “, doesn’t mean I am
Just because, I look like I’m independent, doesn’t mean I don’t need love
Just because, I am not saying this […]
Okay, so maybe this is a bit unfair of me to ask at this moment in time…..as I haven’t never posted till tonight. BUT:
Have any of you ever really felt numb? I thought I had and I had to some rearguards….however tonight and as of this week, I realize something more.
And pls forgive me ahead of time, I have been drinking, but this is something I have found this past week…and I am sitting here…still waiting for my CHURRO!!! As if anyone can hear me, while the band is playing loud and I have turned down several offers of dances….I should probably take someone up […]
2016 Valentine’s Day coping mechanism:
Had insomnia the night before…. stayed awake until 7:00 in the morning on the 14th. Slept for a little bit, then woke up with migraine. Took migraine prescription and went back to bed, slept until 6:00 in the afternoon at which time my back and bone pain woke me up.
Took pain meds, sat in bed. Ate a snack.
Turned on the laptop, checked e-mail (nothing from anyone), and surfed around for a moment before visiting […]
🙁 Life sucks….
My life up to now has been nothing but crap….. Superficial, fake, and just tiring. I’ve grown tired of having to fake how i feel just to cope with family and friends and life in general when inside i feel the opposite of what i’m faking. I was told that if you worked hard you do anything. That nothing was impossible… To only find out that i was being lied to. Everyone else acts like life is great when it really isn’t… They blind themselves from the thought that there really is no point to it. Anyways i was wondering how could i […]
Dolores tucks her children into bed. Conroy stretches himself across their feet. His tail lightly thumping the bed spread. She sits at the edge of her own bed, examining the card. The money. She finds herself still bewildered, yet oddly comfortable. The first time in years she’s felt safe. The first time she’s been sure her children were safe. She smiles a new smile, a smile of hope and excitement for what comes next.
The same cannot be said for Dale. He stands sweating in his sweltering living room. Flynt, now approaching him, commands “have a seat Dale.”
Dale stumbles backwards into to sofa. “H-huh how do […]
Hey guys. I’m new to this place but I thought I might share something I wrote a couple weeks back. I read someone’s post online saying he was going to commit suicide that day, and I felt this rush of empathetic love toward him. It led me to write a passage about depression.
A very short background about me: I’m a junior in college. Five years ago, I went through a two-year-long period of depression. I attempted suicide in the summer going into my sophomore year of high school. Since then, life has gotten increasingly better each year and I’m eternally grateful that I didn’t succeed […]
Is it so bad that i want to ended all. I mean who will even miss me? Not my family i know that for sure. but then why is it that every time i try it it feels like if i was doing something bad? I wish i had the courage of doing it. If i ever have the courage i hope the pain goes away immediately. I talked to my mom the other day and like always she just said it was my fault. I don’t know why i even picked up. Its always the same story with her. I shouldn’t allow hope, its […]
I answered;
the scariest part
is not the feeling of loneliness
o the darkness that fills you
despite the looming pain of emptiness
the scariest part
is the realization
that you have lost yourself
completely
sinking as you lay awake at 2am
because you lost the ability to sleep
and you can’t even cry
because you don’t even care
3 years ago, i started having really bad stomach aches. i was stuck in the house for 5 months, and my best friend moved away. i had tons of tests, but the doctors couldn’t figure out what was wrong. by the end of that summer, i was extremely depressed and started cutting myself. when that school year started, i forced myself to play a sport (which i became very good at) and the pain kind of dissipated. i lost about 20 pounds, and I’m already tiny as it is, so i was down to about 85 pounds. when the physical pain sort of stopped, the […]
I usually stay up at night and question whether I have a future or not… honestly, I do not know. I am a failure. In my own family, people whom are supposed to love and protect me, I get abused physically, verbally and emotionally. I don’t know what to feel anymore because in all honesty, I can’t even love my own parents. I wake up everyday inside this madhouse and I’m slowly losing my grip on reality. Truthfully, I have lost all my respects for humanity. People can change, but they usually choose not to. Only the cruel and greedy ones ever win in this […]
I feel stupid. I said good bye and I couldn’t do it. Took all my meds, tied the rope, had the noose around my neck but the pain was so strong, I couldn’t do it. Ended up sleeping for 2 days again and with a sore throat. How the fuck can depressed teenagers hang themselves from doorknobs and in closets? HOW?
Why can’t I just sleep forever? Sleeping feels so good. Everytime I wake up I think ‘Oh, fuck, again, a new day to survive’.
I am so fucking stupid.
I love how you tell someone you’re getting over depression and they say, “Oh, one of those” and just stop talking to you. Yeah, that makes it sooooo much better. People are shit and there is nothing I’ve ever seen to make me think otherwise. The only times people even TRY to act like they care is when they are selfishly trying to feel like they are a “good” person.
I’ve been trying so fucking hard to get over being suicidal… I’m TRYING to keep it together… I’m TRYING to, even if I don’t have hope, LIVE at the very least. Yet I get more SHIT […]
when no one cares about you.
Life is Painful.
Life is Lonely.
My entire life I have suffered with depression. Iv never not known to be depressed. Both of my parents are hard-core alchoholics. They have been my entire life. I never had many friends growing up. I was a very ugly teenager. I had a big nose and severe acne. Now Im left with severe acne scars. I am a hideous human being. I look like a dam ogre. On top of that, I also have a chronic debalitiating disease. That has no cure. It leaves me in chronic pain. There is literally no hope for me. I give up. Im just scared to actually do […]
I always wanted to die laughing.. like the ending of of mice and men. Best case scenario for anyone.
I can’t remember a time I didn’t want to die. I remember being so happy that I should kill myself cause things couldn’t get any better… I’m a pretty happy guy in general, I find positives in negatives, I make people laugh it’s one of my favourite things to do is make people happy.
I don’t know where all the pain comes from. But the pain the sadness is all secondary to the fact of how pointless I feel life is. It’s like everything else I just want […]
I saw someone I know today that I hadn’t seen for a few years and they are and have been going through a much worse time than me.
They asked me how I had been and I lied and said ok because I felt guilty for feeling bad when their pain is so much greater than mine.
So now I feel sad for them, sad for my pathetic self that cannot handle things and angry that life is so cruel to so many people.