ive been wondering all this while. why am i so ugly, fat and stupid? people keep leaving me and that’s not ok. ive started cutting about a month ago and it is addictive. im doing it all day without even stopping. sad is the new happy and pain is the new cure. bye!
Today I volunteered at a free kitchen. It was reasonably satisfying.
Now, rather than feeling depressed, I feel alienated at all levels – social, familial, spiritual, material, physical, personal, etc. Everything that previously held meaning for me seems utterly meaningless. Only the avoidance of animal discomforts – cold, hunger, pain, loudness – has any glimmer of motivation; even achievement of animal comforts – warmth, satiety, comfort, quiet – seems irrelevant.
Is this an improvement? I’m not sure.
Is alienation treatable? Also not sure.
Why is it that everyday for the last 17 months I have prayed that I will die in my sleep? Why do I hope that I would get cancer and pass quickly? Die in a single car accident? I would have been long gone by now if I wasn’t such a coward. I am sick of hearing that it will get better. Its been 17 months already and I am too tired to keep up the fight. The pain only gets worse with each passing day. I have spoke with counselors at the VA and that hasn’t helped. Zoloft hasn’t helped. I have spent countless […]
I could commit suicide. I know what it would do to my family. Sometimes that is enough but the probability of future despair and current pain. If I have no hope it will get better, why bother.
Really suicidal tonight. I’m so sick of life, of hurting, of empty fuckin promises. Tired of loosing people i love. Its like there’s a black hole where my heart is supposed to be, nno matter what i do i feel nothing but emptiness and pain. though this is only my second, I’m thinking this will be my last post.
goodnight
I’ve been dealing with depression since I was 14, and I suppose the reason I didn’t was because of my dog, and my grandparents. I now live with my grandparents, have been for over 3 years now, and I honestly feel stuck. Like I’m not getting anywhere in my life. I feel like I’m honestly a failure, because I don’t really very hard in college, and every relationship I’ve been really serious about has failed.. I understand things are hard when it’s long distance but all I’m asking is for someone to try.. Not give up when the first bump comes along.. and when it […]
Why do people have to be so heart less this is the second post i have put on hers and i really dont know why im telling everyone my problens because i hate taliking to people my x left me back in September because i wasnt the person i used to be after i got hurt and i found she had been cheating on me for awhile and im in constant pain i live on pain killers and other meds for my heart rate and blood pressure they say its because of the pain and i admit im not the same person im tirectired all […]
I don’t know where to start. How do i describe what I’m feeling? Ive never been good at expressing my pain. So I’m just going straight into the middle. Its been two weeks and three days. Two weeks and three days from when i last hanged out with my best friend. We were in the mall eating and having fun while she was with her crush who liked her back. It was such an amazing day and i went home feeling so so happy. The next day I had school and halfway through, thats when i heard the news… She died. BRAIN. DEAD. on the […]
Hi everyone im not sure why im on here telling everyone my story but here it goes not that anyone cares i have been thinking about suicide for along time i got hurt several years ago and lost the use of my left arm and i have cronic pain in my arm now i have to take alot of pain meds just to get through the day im on disability and i hate not being able to work my wife left me several months ago because she said im not the same person anymore and i found out she had been cheating on me for […]
I’ve fought so hard and I just can’t fight anymore. The pain has too strong a hold of me and tonight I hope to blow my brains out and be released from its grasp. I will post an update should I be unsuccessful. Good night and hopefully goodbye everyone.
Ever since I was little I lived my life in fear that something bad was going to happen to me, and I wish I had never been my life.
When I was 8 my parents got divorced. I remember the family meeting my mom and dad had with my little brother and I. My mom decided one day that this life wasn’t good enough for her anymore, so she picked me and my brother up, gave us a tooth brush and shipped us off to our aunts house. Ever since then my aunts house is the place I’ve always gone. She’s given me some sort of […]
As I’m near the end for the third time in 2 1/2 weeks, my main wish is for success. I have read the statistics on suicide attempts over and over. I know the dangers of a failed attempt.
So my realistic, rational wish is to be able to do it right and not leave myself in even worse shape than I’m now. Because as much pain as I’m in now, it would be worse if I fail.
But regardless of that wish, I still have another wish that is not realistic. It’s actually quite irrational, as it is not possible and would never happen.
Those that have read […]
I cannot put my pain into words. I can’t cry. I deal with it alone all day and late into the night. There used to be catharsis putting it into words. Not anymore. The only relief left is to die. I don’t want to die, especially not alone and painfully. But it is a choice between that, and enduring pain that I no longer have the strength to face. I have no hope, no dignity, no fight left.
Words, words, words. The counterfeit of action. More contemptible than the suicidal gesture done to illicit sympathy. I am doing the exact same thing, yet without having to […]
So a friend has been talking with me in WhatsApp for the last week. We hadn’t seen each other for months, and I had stopped talking to her months ago cause she didn’t reply.
So she has been talking to me this week, and today she called me crying. And, stupid as I am, I immediately drove to see her.
I could feel her pain, and I could relate to everything she was telling to me, as I feel it myself. But it just felt so wrong to be there for her even when she’s never there for me…
i always thought this was an interesting aspect what did everyone do on what they thought was going to be there last day on earth ?
i got up early, went to school, hung out with all my friends, came home,ate my favourite take away, cleaned my room, showered, wrote a note, took a handful of pills and went to sleep. unfortunately it obviously didnt work and i woke up in the middle of the night in severe pain regretting what i had done
You think you’re miserable? You can’t even fathom my misery. You remember every bad thing I ever did to you. How quickly you forget. The things you said and did to me. You know, we could spare each other all this pain.
I know I can change, how about you? Can you spare me all your fucking lies! And all I ask is to talk to you again. But you don’t seem to want to. I wish I could take a walk with you. I would show you all my pain. You took everything I had from me. I can’t wait…to get away.
Will it help?
Probably not. […]
I hate this world .
This world is so boring , boring world !
Why movies , games , anime / manga, & fantasy / imagination is better than this world / better than life / real life / real world / reality ?
everyday life is the same : wake up, eat, go to school/work, boring, then go back home, eat, then sleep, then repeat again.
but movie / game / anime / manga / comics / books are much more exciting & interesting than this boring life !
for example: like in the world / universe of Harry Potter, Avatar, Lord of the Rings, […]
If you’re on this website, I genuinely feel for you.
If you’re suicidal, I genuinely feel for you.
I never used to when I first came here, a long time ago now. But I do now.
I know what that pit feels like. It’s very cold, and small and absolutely terrifying. And when you’re in it, that fear is very real. That’s the thing normal people don’t get, the thought of suicide to a suicidal person, 9 times out of 10, is absolutely terrifying.
Pain can’t be measured on a scale.
Suicides can’t be ranked.
A death should never become just another number.
But hell, what do I know? I’m technically still […]
“I love you more” ….these words are haunting me now. I used to say them to you, when we were in love and together. Now, you’ve said you’re done, that nothing can save our love, our lil family. So it’s true. I do love you more. I love you so much I can’t stand not being without you, talking to you, can’t stand you not in my life. One day that you’ll be with another man, in love with him, in his arms, making love to him, calling him baby. I can’t take that pain, and you won’t save me. Told you I’d kill myself […]