i am fighting the hurt i feel inside. after 13 years of giving my time, love, and heart to this woman, within a few days, she betrayed me and left me all alone. i am 53 years old and lost my youth by giving it all to her. it’s been 5 years now but still the pain comes and goes but mainly comes and stays for a long while. i have tried courting other women but none of them are interested.my heart seems unable to heal. my daughter wouldn’t give me an ear, my family is not interested, no one really to talk to. i […]
Tag:
pain
I dont want to feel this way anymore, but the only way for ghe pain to stop is if i just end it end it all. Is it wrong for me want a perfect life, but i already know i will never get that. I got in a fight with my grandparents on saturday for that they made it seem like they dont care if i kill myself. I yelled at my grandma tell her they are the reason why i cut myself” and all she said was “go do it, kill yoursrlf ill care less. When she said that i just wanted to end […]
Someone to talk to, to listen, understand, care… I may die any day now, but I wamt someone to care for me and miss me. I need someone, Anyone. I don’t care who! Just someone who feels the numb, the pain, the sorrow, the hurt… Anyone thete?
I have not had suicidal thoughts. However, I know the pain of loneliness and the feeling of being hated and not being wanted. I know other people that have had suicidal thoughts. It is not worth it. There are many other alternatives for the pain, and there are many other people who care for you, even if you don’t think so. And if you think you do know that there is no one that cares for you, you still have one person. Me. I may not know who you are or what you look like, but I can tell you that you are a living, […]
Last-bowl, last-song
I don’t want to come back
Train-wrecked the best of the year
Genie, what are you
Everyone disappears
The eternal is a curse that is a suffering, pain
I’m Sasuke, I’m going to die until I’m never coming back
But I have all lost, a ruin of physiological agony
I curse at my hell
Again. Another day. I hear my two youngest that share my home leave for work. My daughter’s little dog comes into my room after she’s gone to work and cries to at me to be picked up. I do, and she digs under my blankets and falls asleep.
Hour by hour goes by. I fight to stay asleep. Noon comes. Noon gives way to one o’clock. Then it’s two o’clock. I dread the searing pain of getting up. It’s the end of the third week of the month and pain meds are dwindling. Not enough. My bank account is dwindling. I should be up and looking for […]
I sit alone consuming my pain, smothering my true self. I jerk my life into focus, courage deserted. I need time, more time. Want it, need it, time. My moments come, my moments pass still I sit here smothering my true self. Biting my knuckles and bartering for time. The moment of truth, I stand desperate to release myself. Too late the moment, the time is gone. Obliviously it flitted into oblivion. The seconds marched off the brink, toy soldiers grim-faced sinking, falling, failing. At the last moment they look in my eyes, my terror mirrored in theirs. A solider with my face near […]
I’am tired of everything, of the night, of the day, of myself, of other people, of things that I have to do, I just wanna end my life, but I fear the pain, I want to find a way to die at minimum pain, I find that there’s nothing in this world that interests my anymore, I’ve seen much things if not all, anyway inside my(in my soul) I feel a void, an emptyness, I can’t feel emoutions anymore, I feel like a zombie, I don’t understand what I’am doing here on this planet earth, I think that it was an error that I was […]
Well, the title pretty much says it… I plan on saving up my money to get a gun and end it… maybe even take some pain killers while I’m at it so I don’t feel anymore pain as I pull the trigger…
I’m just sick of everything, I’ve been trying for years to keep going, to find reasons to keep going but, I haven’t had any reason to live in my entire life. No one wants me around, no one would ever miss me… and I’ve been told I should just live for myself but, I’m not like that… I’m not selfish, I can’t even […]
I am feeling low. I called my crisis line THREE times before I got it out what was really bothering me. I finally admitted how I don’t want to be, that I was looking for the pills I knew would work. :((( but I could not find them. I stopped looking, good or bad…
The thing is, isn’t it crazy to be mad at the world and people around you but then, you take it out on yourself?? I mean, really, the reaction of wanting to hurt yourself because the world seems off kilter, that is crazy!
And yet, here I am, once again… 🙁 (Still, something […]
I’m still debating. If I want to go through with it or not. I’ve been thinking about it all morning, all night, these past few days and the different ways to go about it. What are the easiest ways, the painful, the painless, the long, etc. Actually if I go through with it, I don’t mind if I survive. I’m the kind of person who while (at least until now) I haven’t tried to commit suicide deliberately, I don’t care if it happens when trying to injure myself (aka I’m trying to hurt myself really badly not die, but if I die in the process […]
The pain is getting worse. The pain is getting longer. The pain is getting more frequent.
Maybe I should keep quiet about it. A silent suicide.
Yeah. I won’t talk about it anymore. If I die, then so be it. It’ll be all natural, won’t it.
Stay calm. Patience. Just be patient. Just wait. Let it be natural. All in all, it’ll be a better memory for those who remember.
Be patient.
The title is courtesy to the song by Linkin Park.
Moving on though. Does anyone else cut just to see their blood? I mean I cut for the pain, I cut to feel again when I feel absolutely nothing, and sometimes I cut to focus on the physical pain rather than the emotional. Lately though I’ve been cutting to simply see my blood.
I want to cut deep enough so that blood drips down my arm, kindve like how you see in the movies. Except I can never get myself to bleed that much. Oh well, there’s still something fascinating about seeing your blood come out, the […]
I am trying to find the guts to cut myself tonight. I have never done it but thought about it often. I am scared of the pain but feel like I need a release.
I already have a time, place, and means ready to go. I told myself I didn’t want to make any irreversible decisions without thinking long and hard about them, so I set up a two month moratorium which ends in less than 24 hours. This is it. This post will be my last attempt to gather contrary opinions: convince me not to go through with it, if you think it is more rational for me to stay alive.
I had a decent childhood and I was doing well in school. I was happily married. Then, one day about three years ago, I developed a migraine. It […]
I’ve been fighting this off for decades. I’ve had a couple of failed attempts not because I didn’t make a real effort but because something always happened to stop. Now, I’ve lost everything which I had gained and nothing left has any value except my children but that’s no longer enough. I want death and to be out fem this pain and suffering. The reasons are numerable but the answers are empty as to why to keep going. I just want out. I don’t know why I’m writing. I suspect it’s just to get through the next moments and maybe the day. If I can […]
I have not had suicidal thoughts. However, I know the pain of loneliness and the feeling of being hated and not being wanted. I know other people that have had suicidal thoughts. It is not worth it. There are many other alternatives for the pain, and there are many other people who care for you, even if you don’t think so. And if you think you do know that there is no one that cares for you, you still have one person. Me. I may not know who you are or what you look like, but I can tell you that you are a living, […]
I’m not ok, I’m very far from ok. I’m am more then broken and even more then shattered. I’m don’t feel alive anymore and haven’t for a long time now, many days I have to remind myself that I am still here. My life and life situation is extremely complicated so I will do my best to explain. The worst and most extreme trauma is recent but I’ll save this for last. There are many parts of my life that effects me to this day so I’ll starting from when I was a child to present day and do my best to explain thing simply. […]
I’m so confused…like during the day I’m fine and all but when I get home I just get these voices in my head telling me that I’m worthless and ugly and so many more names. I try to let out my pain by cutting but it doesn’t work anymore…I don’t feel it…I’m numb. I’m scared to tell my friends that I harm myself because they make jokes about people killing themselves and hurting themselves…I can’t lose them because they are all I have…I’m dying on the inside…I’m trapped…if I lose them then it’ll drive me off the edge…I’m scared to ask for help…I’m scared of […]
I don’t even know what to say. But, I do believe that it wouldn’t matter even if I did know what to say.
I am surrounded by people, but I am alone. I have to bear the unbearable psychic pain with no relief in sight.
I am so terribly sad. I don’t understand this world. I don’t fit in here or anywhere. I am a freak.
I attempted suicide a few years ago. What brought me to that attempt was that my soul died and all that was left of me was my fleshy shell. Suicide seemed to be only the next step; kill the body that used […]