Love is a lie. It’s just misery, suffering, and pain covered up by so called “trust”, but when someone you love abuses your trust, the pain is revealed. The chemicals that make you feel warm around someone only trick you. Nobody can be trusted. Trust isn’t real, there is no certainty. It’s all lies and betrayal, and it only leaves you lonely and scarred.
Tag:
pain
My life changed 7 weeks ago.
7 weeks ago I found out my husband was having an emotional affair with an ex-girlfriend via email. What was worse, I found out that he planned to fly her out to our home whilst I was visiting family.
I called him on it and I ended up going back to visit the family as planned but knowing this woman would be coming into our home and sleeping with my husband in our bed. I told no-one but the pain was immense.
I felt I couldn’t say that much as we had also been the result of an affair some 19 years […]
I’ve struggled with disdain and hatred for my body for the duration of my depression, I was diagnosed with body dysmorphic disorder last August and it all culminates at times. I just can’t stand my face, I’ve honestly tried cutting parts of it off with scissors multiple times but I’m a ***** and couldn’t stand the pain and blood. I have a particular hatred for my right eye, I have no idea why, I just hate it. It doesn’t look right, it’s ugly, it ruins my face, ugh, it’s just horrible. I’ve gone through bouts of wearing eyepatches for months at a time and my […]
Suicidal thoughts don’t make you a bad person, or crazy, or weak, or flawed. These thoughts occur to when our pain is greater than we can cope with. Will power has nothing to do with it. If we could cheer ourselves up, we would. We all experience different kinds of pain and we all have different limits. If you ever feel like giving up, just know that you are not alone. There are many of us feeling the same way. But don’t give in, talk to someone first. Talk to a friend, a stranger, talk to me..
I can’t go on. I just spent the last hour trying to find something to bring me happiness to snap out of this and I can’t find any reason worth carrying on for. Everything I used to know is pretty much gone or changed. My stomach is killing me and I am numb. I look at dieing as almost a good way to be able to end this stress and pain that never goes away. It is sad, but true.
No more tears and no more trying. Trying – what does that mean? – Trying to find a place to fit in, trying to find some peace – just a comfortable place in this life – not looking for perfection or paradise – just a comfortable place … it just doesn’t exist anymore! So why keep trying enough of the pain, enough of the hardship, enough of the harassment, threats and harm. Enough of trying.
I look back at my life and consider how did it come to this. I used to be okay, how did it change – bit by bit over 20 years – but, not now too much agony […]
This is my first post on this site, I’ve come here more than a few times to read your stories and poems when I need to cry or try and feel better. But today things are different.
I’ve struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts since I was about 13, I’m 25 now.
As a kid, I was an elite athlete. I dove springboard and tower and I was really, really good at it. So good that at 12 years old I was already training 5 nights a week and had set a National record for my age group. Being so good brought a lot of pressure into […]
For sometime I believed suicide was wrong and that what they say is true its only for a spell. But I doubt that now, I have watched several videos were people committed suicide and I felt their pain and cried. I guess for so long I thought I was alone and I said nothing but I see we all cry and no one says anything. I think just as we make our path we can decided to leave. No one wants to be alone and hurt, everyone wants to be hugged and loved, but I guess God or whom ever is up their only gave […]
I’m sick. Had an appt. with the surgeon today. Blah blah blah, more tests, blah blah blah.
Just ended a 10 year relationship. He didn’t want to marry me. Or live with me. Or commit to me in any meaningful way.
I want to feel better. I want to go on with my life and get medical treatment and be okay. I really do.
I just don’t think I have the strength to survive the pain I’ll have to go thru to come out the other end. Mental pain physical pain. All of it.
Maybe I’m a coward. Maybe I’m just broken and exhausted.
Suicide […]
Still have hope for a better life?
Don’t want to cause pain to loved ones?
Don’t really want to be dead yet and just exploring the possibility of one’s “exit options”?
Use the thought of suicide just to self-sooth the pain?
Ambivalent about dying?
Lack of courage to commit suicide?
Procrastination on suicide?
Afraid of failing your attempt and ending up in a worse state?
Fear of death/hell/afterlife/God’s judgement?
Or something else?
I’m only here because I’m afraid of failing and ending up in a worse state… There are things far worse than death. For instance, my current life. But it would be much, much worse if I end up with brain injury and in […]
I am at this very moment, suicidal. I have no real support and have found myself here, with all of you. My husband, whom I love more than almost anything has just said to me that he has met someone online while out of town for work, and that he doesn’t want me anymore. This isn’t the first time he’s said he doesn’t want me anymore. Over the last six years, he has put me down, left me, hurt me and destroyed my being. I can honestly tell you in this moment that if I didn’t have children, I wouldn’t be here writing, I’d be […]
I gave my heart to a man. Completely. Irreparably. For 10 years. He said he loved me. He said I was his best friend and soul mate. He promised to marry me. He promised a life together.
I sacrificed a lot to be with him. My best friend hated him so I distanced myself from her. I waited a long time for him to keep his promises.
I’m sick now, since June. Have missed so much work. Am in a lot of pain. I need stomach surgery. All my doctors suck. They’re in no hurry to fix me. They want tests and more tests. […]
I feel tired. And emotionless. If I can’t feel joy, fine, I’ll choose pain as a close second. Most times I have to smoke or drink in order to feel that pain. It’s almost cathartic.
I go about my days wondering why the fuck I’m still here. The way I think, the way I do things just never seem to match up with how the world works. My personality isn’t exactly the most pleasant which holds me back in almost everything, including job opportunities and relationships. It scares me. I’m not doing anything, not contributing anything… not enjoying any part of this fucked up sedentary lifestyle. Let’s […]
I know there are endless threads on this topic but I can’t seem to find a consistent answer. Does anyone know of a painless way to commit suicide (either from research or from a painless past overdose)? I do not know if I will get a response and if I do receive one I am not looking for some form of moral support. I understand that there is much to take out of life and that, as the 15 year old I am, I have not yet experienced many of the joys life has to offer, but I have suffered for too long. Medications and […]
the person that i once was died… and left behind a shell of depression… everything I do fails…. I’m all alone, I use drugs to try to kill the pain..
Last year was the worst year of my life… I lost my daughter after 8 months of pregnancy and she was everything to me. Ive been suicidal since I was 9 years old and didnt know how to act on it before this point . After my daughter died I tried everything in the book for attempted suicides which all failed and yet im still trying to end my life every second I get. I try to live everyday but just cant because the pain is to much for me to handle I cant seem get a grip on my life but just the thought of […]
When I wake up, I feel darkness surrounding me
When I’m at school, I feel darkness surrounding me
When I’m home, I feel darkness surrounding me
When I’m out with people, I feel darkness surrounding me
At my happiest moments, darkness posses me
Everywhere I go this burden will always be with me til my final day
The darkness doesn’t let the sun rise
Day after day, all I see is pain, misery, sadness, and negativity
I can’t do this anymore, I really truly can’t. The stress is too much. The pressure is too much. Everyone expects too much from me, when I can barely even get out of bed in the morning anymore. To my family I am just a failure because I can never meet their expectations. To my friends, I am a burden to have around because I suck the life out of anyone who is near me. I ruin everything that I touch beyond repair, and I am nothing more than a pathetic waste of space. I shouldn’t be on […]
I hurt all over. Im not sure why.but god its a shitty feeling and it just makes my head hurt more and that just intensifies the physical pain its like an endless loop of growing pain. And i just can’t sleep which makes it worse.
Idk everything about todays been overwhelming. It just makes me want to curl up and cry. That’s it really. Not much more to say than that.
well today was almost the day. why it wasn’t isn’t really important here. but the means, the opportunity and the will are all there. i really don’t know why i have fallen into the pit. i have been crying a lot (read everyday), angry, etc etc. you know the drill. after that then there is a certain kind of numbness. i am purposely withdrawing from the world, life. then the physical stuff isn’t exactly helping either. the near constant stomach pain whether i eat or not, various wounds from months ago that are not healing. chest pain and fatigue just for shits and giggles. yes […]