It’s incredible to think that I have to stop here. But the pain is overwhelming. I am afraid of being alone. Too afraid. I have no family. I was abandoned by my parents when I was 6 and I never saw them again. Right now I have a GF who abuses me psychologically, she is a drug addict who cheats on me and I cannot leave her because I am too scared of being alone. Loneliness is my handicap and I can’t take it anymore. I have no self respect to say NO and way too much resentment towards her to be able to solve […]
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Parents
I hurt. For a long time. The world fell apart… it collapsed beneath my feet. Things took a horrible turn, and I thought it was over. My pain would be gone. My hurt. My life. It would all be gone. And it didn’t feel bad about it, in fact it felt amazing. Then, I stopped myself. And things got better. I tried harder. I made myself feel better. But when you think about it, your pain is always going to be there. It’ll never leave you. That’s exactly what happened. It all came crashing back.
I’ve helped my friends. They’ve all had thoughts too. But, I […]
~Broken~
When will you learn?
That I am not always going to be there
For you to vent you’re anger on,
That I am not a toy to you,
And you will push me to the brink
I will hurt, over and over,
Cutting deeper and deeper
Until everything in me is ruined,
Until I have hurt so much it isn’t possible to hurt any more.
When will you try?
To help me
To stop hurting me
To make me feel like I was supposed to be born
To help me not be afraid
Of you,
Of trusting you,
Of loving you,
’cause I can’t survive the destroying of my heart
I won’t always be able to pick up the pieces,
To mold them […]
I thought my life was perfect. Not perfect. “perfect” but perfect enough for me. My parents are annulled but it didn’t matter because I knew they both loved me. During high school I was in a great amazing place, on the honour roll, just got accepted into my first choice college and all the colleges I applied to in fact. My biggest problem then was a huge maybe relationship with my boy best friend.
That ended quickly.
And along with it high school. I was going away now to University. It was both scary and refreshing. I have had more things happen to me in the last […]
I still remember the times when nothing is too complicated (except for math) or too morbid. But now, look at my life. I like heavy metal and the colour black. I write poems that revolve around the theme death. I just came out of depression. And I want it back.
To say the truth, I came from a ‘perfect’ family. My dad has a good job, my mum loves all three of us and we siblings get along with each other almost all of the time. I get somewhat alright grades, around A to B usually, and I am in the school track team. Our whole […]
I just can’t see the other way out. When I want to go ahead and commit suicide I tell myself I should at least try telling people and seeing if things get better soon. But I don’t see how. How can you bring that up? How do you look your family in the eye and tell them you feel like shit? How do you admit you’re not their good little girl anymore? How do you convince them they haven’t failed, it’s just the way you are? How do you tell them you’ve been hurting for years and they never knew? How do you sit at […]
im done. thats it. ive honestly fucked up enough that i dont care anymore about consequences. im good enough with words im bound to get my point across. my parents arent being any nicer to me they havent really even changed. my sister is becoming controllable but now i thought if i cant speak at home fucking things around at school will help release anger….well now all the fighting and swearing with teachers countless numbers of detentions now im finally suspended and soon to have court involved ha fuck that! i have the best boyfriend ever and i might run out of town tonight with […]
I had this dream the other night. I can tell about it because it was quite detailed and made at least a little sense while most of my dreams don’t. Though I can’t fully figure it out, but I can link it to my daily fears. It will take  some time to read, I tried to put it as close as I could.
The “action” took place in my home, that tiny apartment on the 5th floor that  my parents own.  I was home and they were at work as usual. Time around noon. I sat at our kitchen table watching some crap on my laptop. […]
im from a little country in the caribbean. my whole life ive lived with terrible social anxiety. i shut down when i try to be around anyone. its prevented me from growing up and becoming anything. im 24 now.
when i was younger i got the chance to live in england w my aunt. she saw i had no life here with deadbeat family. i had dropped out of school and slept through the day.
years were difficult in england. my problems eventually got me sent back home.
i live now w my parents and every day is the same. i never go out and i dont have […]
It seems that when I was I was honest with myself, I at least had the comfort of knowing that I could maybe fix the problem. I feel hopeless and feel like I still lie to myself. I’m in disastrous relationships. Plural. And I don’t have my family around to being me down to earth or make me feel like I’m not alone. I’ve ruined my relationship with my best friend from high school and I don’t really talk to anyone except my boyfriend anymore and maybe my parents from time to time. I encircle myself with “friends†I do not feel suit me anymore. […]
I think we should all take a moment to think about how the choices we make affect everyone around us. When my sister chose to sneak out and do drugs, smoke cigarettes and get pregnant, she wasn’t thinking about the arguing that I had to deal with when she wasn’t around. I listened to my parents scream at each other nonstop over disagreements on how to discipline her. She didn’t realize what it was like for me to wake up to cops knocking on the door at 2 in the morning bringing her home. She never apologized for the panic attacks that occurred within me […]
I understand that it seems like I just want to kill myself or whatever when a guy is  mean to me, but that’s just part of it. I’m already right at the edge. I’ve gone through seeing people die since I was 4. I didn’t understand it then, but I did at 8, when my grandpa died. He died right in front of me. Of course, that messed me up. Then I only had one grandparent, because my other grandpa had pretty much disowned my family after the death of my grandma on my mom’s side (the death when I was 4). So all I […]
my depression started when i was nine i figured out what had happend to me i was sexually assulted by parents i was put in foster care adopted into a family that is the reason of my pain and cutting and suicidal thoughts and many attempts they hate me they hate the way i dress my music everything about me they basically call me an attention seeking whore and when i cut i feel nothing and death hasnt taken my soul yet simply because i do not have one worth taking i feel like im drowning but not dying this is slow and painful life […]
Hey guys. I guess I’m here to vent. That’s all this really is, but I need it regardless. I’m a pretty popular guy at school. A junior in high school. I get along with everyone, but I just can’t seem to be happy. I have absolutely no ambition. I have no will to live, and I have no will to succeed. I go to school. I get along. I make jokes. People laugh at my jokes. I go home. I don’t talk to my parents. My pride has ruined our respective relationships, but I don’t regret it. My pride is one of the only things […]
I’m 20 years old and in college 800 kms away from home. It has been almost 2 years that i started living on my own. I do not have anybody to call my own. I pretend to be happy and cheerful when i go to college but when i come back to the hostel, I’m lonely and sad. I cry every night. Life is not happier at home. I’m not at all close to my parents. My dad has beaten me up a few times in the past and i hate going back home. They never let me out of the house my whole life […]
Do you ever feel like maybe your purpose in life is truly to kill yourself? I honestly feel that way all the time. I trust God with all my heart and I believe that I have a purpose, but I also have this underlying feeling that my destiny is suicide.
It’s kind of crazy, not that any of you know me, but if you did, I would be the last one you’d pick to write the above statement. A few people do know about my anxiety and eating disorders, but even they would never suspect suicide. There’s those people, dark and mysterious, that you know […]
I was told that I am incapable and irresponsible. That is true and I was ashamed to realize that.
When I was young, I thought that I will grow up to be a socially desirable person–but I am nothing close to that.
People think that I am a weirdo, outcast. I do not ever hang out with people anymore. I stay home most of the time unless I have to go out for grocery shopping or something.
I cry a lot. Every time I cry, I am in a pain and sadness. and anger. I cannot get used to being alone and crying.
There have […]
Hi my full name is not that important right now but I will be revealing it on a later post..
So this is my story..I’m a writer a very good one if I may say so myself and I “was” quite clever to, although I had a average life growing up with both parents and a grandparents who love me and spoiled me in every way possible growing up in the new South Africa..so if you asking yourself why am i here writing this post on this “suicide project” if I had such a good child hood..thing is life was never good to me..truth is the […]
I know that Trevor isn’t worth it. But he is.. I know something about him. Something that hardly anyone else knows. He has problems at home.. And it makes me so furious at his parents for treating him like they do. See, the thing is, I don’t think he said all that shit that Emily said he did. He’s been staring at me all day, then turning away, blushing. I put my hands on my hips once when he looked at me, though… I don’t care if he’s mad at me, though. He can deal with it. And if he did say all that stuff, […]
Drastic Actions
I’d heard countless stories on the news about how kids my age had tragically taken their own lives. Nobody had ever noticed the warning signs they said, the parents thought that their sweet daughter was perfect, that she had no problems, when in reality she had more problems than most. I never understood why no one had ever noticed the signs or, if someone did, why they hadn’t cared enough to tell someone. I always thought that if I felt this way my family would notice; my friends would tell someone, my teachers would be worried about a change in my […]