My name is Brittnee and I am 20 years old! I have been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and sentenced to a life of medication and therapist analyzing my every thought and move! I have been a cutter for 6 years and after my recent suicide attempt my parents made me move back home and my mother does a ~fresh cut check~ every single night. That’s where I have to go into her room and strip down to my bra and panties and she checks my body for new cuts! It’s humiliating. If I do have new cuts I am taken to the behavioral health […]
Tag:
Parents
Song I’m listening to right now.
I’ve done alot since my last post. I’m being usually creative. My friends are wowed and my parents are impressed. I’m not. It won’t matter in a few years anyway. No matter how many photos I snap or how hard I work the garden, how many times I do simple things to make my and others lives better I’m still unhappy. Even though a smile is weakly plastered on my face. I’m pushing myself to the limits before I die.
No matter if a happy event comes to me or not I will say this. That fear has […]
I was happy. I was fine with life. Couldn’t you have let me stay that way? For just a while?
by Anonymous13
written by Anonymous13
Happiness. It was in my reach, merely a week ago. I used to dislike living. I used to complain and moan about things of no significance. I was unhappy, but without a real reason to be. And I knew that. I knew that my unhappiness was uncalled for and most of all: selfish. There were people out there going through real pain, people who had actual reasons to feel this way. So I pulled it together and started focusing on all the positive things in life. My friends, my somewhat dysfunctional family whom I still loved and cared for, my somewhat normal life. I started […]
I have found this site helpful mainly because I now know I’m not alone.
I’ve always been depressed, since my parents split when I was 4 but I’m now 23 and I dont have anything to show. I had dreams to ve a musician and let them die.I came up with this idea to kill myself (the word suicide disgusts me) about two years ago but my future roommate convinced me better. I convinced myself that it was because she had feelings for me and I could find meaning in life by taking care of her and her child. our relationship got more intense, but […]
I can’t complain too much about my life. Both my parents love me, though sometime I find myself thinking it’s because they have to. I have a little sister and an older brother. Things I have to complain about are typical in our now a day system.
I’ll start with my siblings.
My little sister is a princess at heart but a complete wannabe to the darker side of life. She loves shopping for clothes and toys alike. Though fakes being bored. She loves the colors pink and purple and does her best to hide it. We all know how good little kids are at hiding things. […]
My face.
My body.
My voice.
My personality.
My scars.
My depression.
My parents.
My sisters.
The fact that I’m alive.
I don’t want to be breathing anymore.
I don’t want to exist.
I hate everything about me.
So a few years ago, my first year in college, I tried to kill myself. I was in a bad place. I was living in a new city, had always been terrible at meeting people, and was under a lot of pressure to do well academically so I could keep my scholarship. Needless to say I survived, but I lost my scholarship, dropped out, and moved back home to live with my parents.
I was angry and depressed a lot. I got in fights with my family. My parents didn’t really get what had happened. After all, its not like I was physically abused or any […]
the new skate ban in my town is killing all the skaters…it sucks…no more friday night skating…we arent gonna walk over to the next town to skateboard in their shitty ass skate park…as anupdate onmy inactivity: im tired of this site…it dosent help and my parents are gonna find out soon…
ok so i thought i just put everything bout my family in one post.
My dad: drug addict. been high for bout 30 years, off pain killers from his multiple surgeries. when he has been off i can tell cuz he is nice i know when he is taking them cuz his patience is screwed over and he is a dick. he has depression also.
My mom: is an assumer she will never listen to me i will be in the middle of a sentence and she automatically thinks the worst case scenerio. causing ***** fight after ***** fight. when she is stressed she turns […]
Okay so i have been through therapy and it made everything worse. I don’t know how to deal with all the voices inside my head telling me what i need to do i am a dyslexic fifteen year old I’m going to be a junior and i don’t want to even see tomorrow. This will be long but i have a lot of reasons i want to disappear.
One is my sister she always puts me down and makes me feel like i don’t belong in the world i wish i could tell here shes a stupid ***** and doesn’t deserve to even see me let alone talk to me.
I […]
I might be clinically depressed or bipolar. I’ve been “sad” for 4 years now (if that means anything). I’ve taken classes in highschool and in my 2 and a half years of college and feel I might be, but that doesn’t change the way I feel. I do not want to be here. I want to leave and never come back. I want to go far away where no one knows me. When my own family found out I tried to kill myself, they made it worse. They cried and it only made me feel worse about myself. I tried letting someone in and talk […]
they say fuck u
i say fuck them
they say go to hell
i say u go first
they say i have no guts to kill myself
i say watch me
they say i need them
i say look where i am with u
they say shut up
i say why dont u
they say we dont need u here
i say i dont need u either
they say they love me
i say thats FUCKING BS!
yes everything above has actually been parts of conversations i have with them, i honestly cant live with them no more. i need away from them…before its […]
So im new to this site, but i need somewhere to vent some thoughts and feelings ive had for years. First I guess ill intriduce myself. Im a rock/metal guitar player. I feel this title best illustrates who I am. Guitar and rock/metal music are my only passion in life, it is what drives me forward and has kept me going so far. I love it. Anyway, playing guitar in a band is all I want to do with my life. However, I feel like that dream is moving out of reach more and more as time passes by. Its my parents. They are supportive […]
I always feel I’m supposed to be at another place in another time. I never belong, never fit in. Most of my “friends” hate me. My parents work all the time. I always feel so alone. Most times, I would just cry myself to sleep. I’m really scared, scared of the future. I really wish I find a place where I actually belong.
After all that happened with my friend, I came back to my mom for condolence and would ask her where I went wrong. My mom is like a best friend to me and I know that I can always count on her for some insight or advice. My mom had told me that she kinda knew that this would happen someday. She told me that she and my friend’s mom never really got along, because of the fact that my friend’s mom was a unusual personality. My mom told me that my friend’s mom had always been really protective over her (that I could kinda […]
I could understand that my friend had loyalty to her mother, but not once did she ever really seem to regard my feelings. This added to the stress I had with her. Another time that created a rift in our relationship was when I went to the local fair with her, my friends mother, and her father. Originally we were supposed to go together at a certain time, but I would call her house and she wouldn’t tell me if she was coming with me or not, so I decided to go with another friend.
We were having a good time the first half of the […]
uh. I am so alone. I have NO ONE. i have not left this house with any friends since probably May. I pushed everyone away. Why? everyone betrayed me. My friends all talk meaningless about me. My boyfriend dumped me a little before we turned a year together, right after i lost my virginity to him. I am a total dumbass. God, and this is just friends. Family? yeah. nah uh. My parents are on the point of divorcing. Always chaos in my house with either me and mom, me and dad, dad and mom, sister and sister, and me or sister.
Ive been through so […]
the first person I told about my suicidal thoughts/actions acted like he really cared. He made me tell my parents. He never asks me about it anymore. I feel like the only reason he wanted them to know was so he didn’t have to deal with me anymore. Which is totally understandable because i am areally hard person to handle. I still and always will feel really bad about telling him because I just threw him into a situation I’m sure he had no interest being in and he really dust have a choice but to help. I just wish he honestly cared.
I haven’t posted in a while. I told my parents.. I was kinda threatened to but I’m glad i did. Things were starting to get better when I first told them. Didnt cut till last night. I’m in the exact same spot I started in. I have made my 2 best friends cry because they are so worried. I know it hurts them but that’s nothing compared to the pain I have to wake up with everyday. I feel like now that people know it’s a free pass to kill myself because they won’t wonder why. We think I have depression. Could be possible […]