The driver had taken two candyflips earlier that day (acid and molly tabs) at the show. After the show, we went to an after party at someone’s house. Driver may have drank, I don’t know. But by the time I had to go, it was much after three in the morning…he wasn’t high anymore, just tired from being so high. We left, and he was swerving all over the place. My anxiety with cars has always been pretty bad, so my voice got caught in my throat and I couldn’t tell him to pull over. I closed my eyes on the highway after valley west […]
Hello, I’m portuguese, I’m fourteen years old, and I have pretty much whatever a fourteen-year-old kid would want: I have a PlayStation, a PSP, my own laptop, but I still feel like I have nothing.
My parents had a divorce when I was just eight years old, so my mum is allways saying bad things abou my dad, but on the few times, that my dad calls me, to ask if I want to go lunch with him, he never says anything bad about my mum, and that really makes me angry with my mum.
But I don’t think that it was it that makes me feel […]
It all started on the 25/08/13,
I had just gotten home from drama eisteddfods, which I had been placing in really well and winning majority, my weekend was going great, I also for once had a boy that was interested in me! I know can you believe it me!. When I got home I started talking to that boy and he was having a hard time with his depression and I was helping him. And then it happened. I logged onto Facebook and I see a post in a secret group that I’m in, (my acting class) and it says that Sam Cannon has […]
It is 2:08am and I’ve been in my bedroom listening to my wretched father having a conversation with another man who shall not be named. Every word out of his drunken mouth is like a kick over yet another bottomless cliff.
A little history lesson for all the readers:
Long version:
All my life this drunk has belittled, criticized, ridiculed and harassed his family. He cares only about himself and isn’t afraid to show it. Breath wreaking of cheap beer shouting everything I never needed to hear! My mother was and is too submissive to do anything and then beats herself up for it. My entire childhood was […]
don’t read this
just wanted to say thattttt, well, not even feeling suicidal now, because I’m drunk, buttttt I understand how about 90% of you feel (after reading the posts as a non-member for a while) annnd i think this site is amazing. because when i was feeling these thoughts i was a lot younger (not that I don’t feel them now) but let’s face it when you’re younger you almost have to depend on your parents and it only worsens that feeling of helplessness when you can’t drive/escape because you rely on your parents’ money/support, etc. and when I was younger I didn’t have a […]
It isn’t my intention to hurt anyone, and I apologize in the case that I actually do. Let’s just face it, I’m not cut out for living. I can’t do things right, I’m useless to my parents, I’m only someone to make fun of, and I’m just hated by a lot of people.
My mom, Kathy, she constantly makes remarks proving just how useless I am. For example, we would walk into the Air Force Academy Clothing Sales store, she would see those stupid “My daughter goes to the Air Force Academy†bumper stickers, and she would make the comment: “I wish I could put that […]
Today in class we were doing an activity, we had to draw our family tree and discuss the interesting things about our family. And of course, you can guess already, it is the worst thing for someone as broken as me.
Others talked about their siblings, about what their parents do, their grandparents. Me? What is the interesting thing of my family? My grandmother attempted suicide, my father is dead, I do not regard my mother, I dont know where my cousin is brought away by her stepmother.
And people are so stupid. All of them. I hate everyone.
I feel […]
there are an awful lot of stories on this site, but every story is different right? the base feelings of despair are mixed into all of them, but how you came to be there and what you plan to do is always different. most of us are suicidal, hence the name “the suicide project” i suppose. i am no exception. but maybe it’s time i told the whole story of how i came to be here and what i plan to do.
my story is not filled with rape or abuse or anything like that. ive never been the loner at the back of the […]
i’m very sad, half  the time i don’t even know why. I feel like it’s the things i do or the things i’ve done, also that maybe it’s my parents. I want to try hard at everything  i do but i feel like i’m incapable of doing well. People say mean stuff about me, about my hair, the way i dress, my personality, everything about me basically. I feel like no one can understand me, no one gets what i feel inside. I’ve been like this for almost 3 years, i’ve been trying so hard to fight back my urge to commit suicide, even though […]
So in the auditorium at my school, there are all these convenient ropes hanging from the ceiling. I haven’t made any plans just yet so don’t worry, my question is what happens if you do kill yourself at school? Can the school or my parents get in trouble? What would the school do? I don’t want anyone getting in trouble. Any info would be appreciated thanks.
I’m sitting here at 4 in the morning because I’m in too much emotional pain to sleep. I can’t stand being myself. I care too much for my best friend. I don’t understand it. I think I love her as more than a friend, even though we are the same gender. I have to force myself to support her when she tells me that she wants to be with a guy. I have to sit and pretend she isn’t sleeping with someone else. I have to pretend I don’t love her because it would ruin our friendship. But I love this person so much. I care […]
My home life really isn’t as bad as some here. But, I’m not going to say it is spactacular, because I would not be telling the truth.
But at home, there is always conflicts. People are always unhappy. And if I want to talk to anyone in my family about my feelings of depression or emptiness or loneliness, they get shoved asside. When I went to the mental home last year and my parents found I was suicidal, it was more like, you’re turning your back on god, or, how could you be so selfish?
I never want to be a greedy person or selfish, […]
It took all i had to make this. I couldn’t be any more proud. Days are still hard but I’m happy I reached this point.
I don’t really know what else i can do anymore. Cameron died almost exactly a year ago (September 8 2013) and I am STILL not over it. I’ve gone to all the groups, I’ve been hospitalized for PTSD, I’ve got a new boyfriend who treats me like gold, I go out, I don’t talk about it all the time anymore. What else can I do to make it feel better.
The thing you have to know is Cameron and I were very much in love but […]
hello blog.
this is my first post.
i struggle with anxiety and major depression.
i’m not sure how to cope with anything. my parents misraised me and i have no friends.
everyone hates me and bullies me and thinks i should just kill myself, so why the fuck shouldn’t i..
all of my ex boyfriends said i was worthless and should.. so.. yeah..
nothing’s alright. i constantly feel the need to cut myself.
i constantly feel the need to tie a noose and hang myself.
i constantly feel the need to die. i’ve lost everything.
i don’t have a family, i don’t have friends.
my parents gave me up 7 months ago and made it […]
Trust is a powerful word and most don’t even realize it but i learned through to many experiences that no one in this world can be 100% trusted. I trusted a group of people from a small town i used to live in and look where that got me…it ended up with me getting bullied day in and day out i trusted every girlfriend i have ever had and look ive been cheated on and used or the bullshit brake up lines like ” its not you its me ” and always over text or by Facebook. I know that their are other people in […]
Last night on TV, there was this show, and the parents were joking with their daughter and in the end her Mum put her arm around her. That’s all I want. I want somebody to put their arm around me and tell me it’s going to be okay. No, they don’t even have to put their arm around me. I just want somebody to tell me everything will be okay. And I want to be able to believe them.
It’s weird how calculated I’m being about my own need to take my own life. The reason I’m here in the first place is because I have so many emotions I can’t control/deal with anymore. And here I am thinking of all the things I need to get in order before I go. I need to get a job and pay off my student loans so my parents aren’t left with grief AND debt. I need to leave them all my passwords. I need to get my room in order and get rid of as much stuff so they don’t have to go through everything […]
it seeps into your heart, your mind, your soul wrecking your body everywhere it goes.
i cant take the time to stop and think where am i going? Who is gonna help me?
you wake up in the middle of the night and your dreams scare you right out of your bed.
How do i get out of this?
You take a knife and you just cut because after you do it sends shivers of warm fuzzy tingles throughout your senses.
it leaves you shivering with ecstasy
You wish someone would help you but all they can say is are you okay?
How do they […]
I’m coming closer and closer to the day when finally the pain and misery of my life is greater than my ability to be able to cope with it.
I graduated college in 2007 with a Bachelor’s degree in Economics. Since then, I have applied to 1000s of positions. I can count the amount of just interviews I’ve had on two hands. I can’t even get hired on to bag groceries or work fast food.
I sleep on my parents’ couch. The only way I will ever get out of here is by dying. I have no money and as stated before absolutely no chance of finding […]